Trends In Low Places

First off…we’re very sorry. This week, Mike jumps in a freezer and waits for death. Michael introduces the worst possible dildo experience of all time. It’s our worst episode yet, complete with a Marvel Studios-style post-credits scene. Enjoy? Highlights include: You can’t outdeal the Devil. [1:45] Damn you, Zach Braff. [4:00] Iguana PSA [7:25] Freeze me, beat me, kill me. [14:40] Become one with your toots. [21:10] Put some pep in your butt. [30:00] Testicular explosion disorder [40:00] The Ballad of Newman [45:00] Pump, pump, pump it up. [47:10] The literal worst FML of all time. [55:10]

This week, we are back and ready to roll into the new year. Mike and Michael make excuses for their laziness. Mike sees dead people. Michael gets high on catnip. We go for a little dip in Silicon Valley poop-water. Highlights include: Ooh, piece of candy [7:35] Sometimes Swedish dudes just hypnotize me [11:33] Pandacists are not welcome here [22:51] Merry Catmas [27:24] River of Giardia [35:01] Don't beat me again Daddy [51:03]

This week, it's our ONE YEAR anniversary, and we look a gift-frog in the mouth. Mike uncovers the hidden truth about aliens and tries to cover the unhidden truth about your cat's butthole. Michael asks not what zombie Jesus can do for you, but what you can do for zombie Jesus. We go deep into the story of one man's very horrible drunken mistake. Highlights include: Luketose Intolerance [3:22] Blink UFO [9:49] R2-DFruit [20:18] Fightin' 'Round the Girls [28:30] Lord Zombo Christ [37:30] Class Up That Cathole [46:55] Bronze Dildo Pogo Stick [54:18]

This week, we find out what Jesus was hiding in that holiest of holes. Mike warns of the dangers of both confined spaces and horny ghosts. Michael reveals TILP's newest sponsors and Mike shares our possible new theme song. We treat you all to the dulcet tones of The Michaels Ocean. Highlights include: This is My House [01:20] Mr. Dumb, Bad Robot [03:30] Badonkadonk Jesus [11:35] Binge Mode [23:15] Pirates of the Caribbean Queen [31:45] Sponsored Content [35:55] Ghost 2: Erotic Boogaloo [41:28] Secret Japanese Game Show [52:06] Come At Us Billy Ocean [58:16]

This week, we unleash an avalanche of pure sexual energy that explodes in a prism of mouth machines. Michael delivers Grim Truths about the Hunger. Mike once again reveals the limits of Christian science education. We learn some hard truths about all of Rudolph’s lady pals. Highlights include: Cush suits up. [3:00] Well, it’s erotica time. [11:45] Flower autopsies. [41:00] Sorry, Reindeer Games. [47:15] Absolute panda-monium. [55:55]

This week, we break off a piece of brain and absorb all of Einstein’s power. Michael invites some stinkpeople into his yard, Mike takes some rich people slummin’ with Tiffany, and everyone learns a thing or two about the Cushing family Christmas. Highlights include: Cover up your heat. [1:45] Dear Prudence, OH GOD NO. Naughty in North Pole [4:00] Gnome for the holidays. [16:00] How the other half lives. [28:00] You can’t just have this brain. [44:10] Remember when Albert Einstein invented the Cupid Shuffle? [51:30] National Treasure 3: JFK Brain Nuggies [53:00] This slip is bananas. [61:00]

This week, Mike takes time to nurse a litter of opossum pups before just absolutely ruining Thanksgiving for everyone. Michael finds the best Internet name contest of all time, and everyone takes a moment to praise our new saucy savior. It’s our best yet. Highlights include: Is the patriarchy even worth anything anymore? [2:25] Turkey drop update. [11:00] Here come the Hot Cops. [19:00] Time to play opossum mom. [25:20] 2 Fat 2b Furious [35:00] A portrait of the messiah in ketchup. [41:40] Gritty McGritface [50:40]

This week, we open the show by forgetting the name of every famous artist. Mike takes a tasty bite of our Lord and Savior, Michael breaks some fake news, and we wonder why David Blaine won’t commit card crimes against ISIS. Highlights include: Someone please make Rush Hour 4. [5:15] The Colonel and His 12 Disciples [10:30] Blake Shelton and his no-good, unsexy balls. [18:10] Bless this holy pork roll. [26:45] Fake Penis News [33:15] I can feel it, honkin’ in the air tonight. [38:00] The Fart of the Deal [42:45] Card Crimes Against ISIS [49:40] Shaping young minds. [56:00]

This week, we uncover definitive proof that Donald Trump is not an ancient werewolf and is, in fact, just a dumb old man. Mike armors up for a neighborhood brawl. Michael delves into the Dark Web. We dive right into a pizza orgy. Accidentally in judged. [2:15] You have to tell me if you're a cop. [6:00] Perfect dark web. [10:15] Daylight shut up Time. [18:40] Garfield hates cumdays. [21:15] Home on the ranch. [28:00] More like Taxgiving. [33:50] The Colonel's good blessings. [41:30] Werewolves and Papa John triggers. [50:25] I. AM. IRONMAN. [57:45] Pizza orgies and Yoshi Yoshis. [64:45]

This week, the boys carefully back away from a small dog possessed by Endless Hunger. Mike laments a rift in the world’s most important family, Michael explores innovative toilet options, and we sift through Bin Laden’s movie collection. Highlights include: Go, go Kitchen Gadget [1:30] Mustache things [5:15] Fancy Feast [11:00] Strangerest things. [18:00] Fast 9: Civil War [19:30] Alternative toilets [30:30] Spread them cheeks, boys. Please. [39:20] Osama Bin Downloadin’ [50:10] WE ARE IMMORTAL. [61:00]

The boys are back after an unforced error, and we’re back with some greatest hits. Mike wants to crowdfund UFO hunters, Michael takes us to the dumbest doctor’s appointment ever, and we wonder if Donald Trump is actually a rogue AI hellbent on human misery. Nah, probably just an asshole. Ain’t no rule says a dog can’t be mayor [11:25] Hygiene Oopsies [24:00] Angels and UFOwaves [30:00] Melania Lavigne [37:15] Hot and Spicy Deuces [46:00] C+C Scream Factory [53:40] A tail of horror. [63:30]

This week, the boys step into the timestream to alter reality in a number of dangerous ways. Mike unveils a new underwear personal defense system, Michael weaponizes Jello, and we pull a Freaky Friday with Kim Jong Un. Welcome to Christian school. [2:00] Two scoops of blown mind. [9:00] I really ain’t afraid of no ghost. [14:00] Dance my way to the top. [18:45] It’s the sound of meme Police. [37:00] Slipping into the timestream. [41:10] [insert angsty lyrics here] AFK. [53:35] Family Circus Serkis Circus [61:00]

This week, we talk about ghosts in all the wrong places and get a lesson in Juggalo life from a listener. Michael asks how far we’d go for love, Mike gets uncomfortable, and everyone learns a thing or two about the grim specters of death. Highlights include: Haunt me. [5:00] Toilet ghosts. [10:40] Frogshank Redemption. [19:30] Pumpkin spice kayak. [21:40] Fireside chat with Scrubby Josh [25:40] A match made in weed heaven. [49:00] Marital problems. [59:10] Wrongfully accused. [68:00]

This week, we follow in Twitter’s footsteps and take it to 280. Michael talks about being a young intramural hothead, Mike instigates a new burger war, and we lament the state of the male stripper meat market. Highlights include: Mad pooper updates. [6:15] Flat Earth sobsciety. [9:00] Everybody needs a Higgins. [16:45] Theoretical autumn. [23:00] A packed pocketbook. [28:00] 2 High 2 Walk [33:15] NFL, the flag and Cheeto Prez [37:00] Baby, you got IT [49:45] Classroom crimes. [58:30]

This week, we get back to our roots: dongs and poop. Michael provides a helpful PSA about sticking things where they don’t belong, Mike reveals childhood scent trauma, and we uncover Chick-fil-A’s Sunday chicken crimes. Someone gets us to a Swiss toilet, immediately. Highlights include: My milkshake brings hot cops to the yard. [4:00] Weight weight, don’t tell me. [9:15] Jogging logger. [15:30] Poop Tin of an Artist as a Young Man [26:10] There’s always money in the Swiss toilet. [32:40] The Sick Scents. [39:00] 2/10, would not review again [48:15] I hope you burn your damn hands off. [56:15] Don’t honk at me. [59:50]

This week, love is in the air...and the water, the dirt, and the train station. Michael forms a very deep connection with Mother Earth, Mike gets space insurance, and we celebrate the smartest concert-goer of all time. Seriously though, we laugh at eco-sexuals for a solid 30 minutes. Highlights include: A certified shrub banger. [4:30] Lovebugs and sex witches [14:30] All aboard the love train. [26:00] The friendly green skies [32:00] Memory short enough to forget you're lonely. [38:40] Hot tub time machinations. [42:00] The Fur Baby Economy [47:45] Brilliant boozy booty [52:50] Never gonna give up this download. [59:40]

This week, the boys practice their used car sales pitches. Mike worries that clowns may have damaged their brand beyond repair, Michael investigates a very messy date, and now we’re running for mayor, and Hell's coming with us. Highlights include: No. 1 All Star [4:30] Cover my tab? [6:40] Sorry clowns, this is pretty on-brand. [12:45] Peppa Pig’s piss-poor proposal. [16:55] Head Down, Windows Up, That's the Way I Get My Poo [20:30] Simulated unicorn love. [30:40] Welcome to Hell, peasants. [36:25] Please don’t trust chug. [44:00] Waffle House special forces. [51:30] Time to cut those strings. [55:00]

This week, we fall straight down the Juggalo hole. Michael puts his deductive skills to the test, Cush fights for the only acceptable pumpkins in August, and we find the only good time in a Porta-Potty. Seriously though, we can’t stop talking about Juggalos in this one. Highlights include: A millennial by any other name. [2:25] The Tumnus Disco Experience [6:00] Matchbees 20 [14:00] A Pay-Per-View event for everyone. [19:00] Ratpocalypse and toad salads. [31:00 Maybe stick to sex tips, Cosmo. [40:05] Winning the war before it starts. [46:30] The Tayluminati. [51:35] Back off, you stupid orange gourds. [55:40] Just the faqs, please. [61:00]

This week, our cup runneth over with delicious conspiracy theories. Michael takes his last rites from the world's dumbest robot, Mike revels in the second coming of our Lord Steven, and the boys finally realize why everyone loves Pitbull so damn much. We finally say what everyone's thinking: "Let's blow up that grumpy old moon of ours." Highlights include: Snowflake boys unite. [3:00] Let's blow up that stupid, nasty old moon. [5:00] Steven H. Christ! [11:50] Get your AI to Mars [22:45] Hello human, I sense pizza-hunger. [29:00] Pitbull's Eternal Underpass Party. [38:00] Alternative FAQs. [44:30] The life-changing magic of thief-cleaning [51:00] Bridge jumpers, baby mailers and millennial crisis. [55:30]

This week, we chat a little bit about Charlottesville and segue from those human dildos to actual sex robots. Michael wishes for a brighter Keith Richards timeline. Cush tries to be Cockney, lands in Australia. We air out some hamster crimes. Highlights include: Charlottesville, the ACLU, and human garbage. [2:00] Cush gets a 4:20 education. [9:50] Michael does some tortilla sins. [19:20] Would you like to play a (sex) game? [27:00] For the discerning gentlemen. [32:40] You failed us again, Keith Richards. [38:00] Dale Bearnhardt and Cheez-It’s last ride. [43:00] Glittermom’d! [52:45]