I Love My Shepherd

Question: How do we split up “the chores” of a household? For marriage, roommates, families, etc. Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/   do what works, not what is expected Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions equality doesn’t mean 50/50, it’s seeing each other as equals there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren’t fun name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc. avoid extreme chore mentality consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor “I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)” building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done   talk about it, write it down,

Question: How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us? Submitted by listener, Emily    our childhood BFFs Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood   Children practice being a friend and there’s a learning curve. Children are learning how to be humans and learning relationship is part of that. Cultural misunderstandings – childhood friendships are backbones of our relational lives Research shows that having childhood friendships matters, but social support is what really has an impact longitudinally. Study with middle schoolers: http://www.llcsjournal.org/index.php/llcs/article/view/214 Learning the effort of friendship from models and mentors in our lives Naming the complexities of relationship for one another   Friendship sometimes lasts for a moment, a season, or a lifetime. Some friendships will end, every friendship doesn’t have to be a lifetime relationship The diff

The Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day. Hear more about the new format on this short trailer and start submitting your questions to lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. People are always worth the trouble and relationship is worth the effort.

The epistles are what I like to think of as “big-word books.” They teach us about abstract concepts like propitiation, redemption, atonement, and righteousness. This can be intimidating, but also enlightening.   Today’s spiritual practice gives us grace for when we encounter big words in Scripture or big ideas. Our goal today is to also build our ability to sit in not knowing “the answer” and discovering new ideas about God or new understanding in our relationship with God by simply engaging with His Word.   A Reading from Jude from the ESV translation             Dave’s contemplation:             Blaspheme             Predictions of the apostles             Names in the passage    The practice: Read through one of the letters of the New Testament or a chapter of the Bible (Romans is always a good place to start if you aren’t sure where) Focus on a word or phrase you don’t understand or are simply intrigued by   Tips: Look at context Scripture interprets Scripture Look up cross references in your study Bi

Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Adventure Practices for spiritual growth – always focusing on drawing near Greg Finke = Where are we going today, Jesus? Joining Jesus on His mission - https://amzn.to/3u5JAcb God wants to do daily life with us – Name 3 places you go in your day or week that God goes with you Life is an adventure – Seeing the adventure right where you are at What adventures can you spot in your own home or family? How do we encounter trouble in our daily life? How do we encounter questions and searching? Where do we encounter resolution and restoration? Where do you see God sending people to help you along the way? The Open Hands - Slowly read through a short passage in the Gospel accounts. Who is Jesus connecting with in this account? Where is He going? What is He doing and/or saying? Open your hands up and ask God where He would like to send Jesus into the world, through you today. How is the Holy Spirit faithfully directing your words in daily conversations? Remembering experienc

Episode 16 – Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth being with God v. producing something for God We can be doing all kinds of things for God, but very little to draw near to God.   Today and to come: four practices for drawing near useful every day and especially useful for connecting to God in and around our challenges Thanks to CPH for letting me pull apart this article and use it a little more.   What are your practices for drawing near to God? Organic as well as intentional Being aware/conscious in our traditions   Where does the growth from your daily practices/yearly practices come from? Which are adding growth and awareness and which are added extra?   Reading God’s heart rather than about growth   Gottman Sound Relationship House Theory - https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house/ Drawing near = connecting with God, building love maps with God, rituals of connection with God   What is stopping us from drawing near to God? Identify your barriers Where is God working to

Special guest: Rev. Michael Newman   Tell us about yourself and your journey with grief.   What aspects of grief make growth challenging? “big” and “small” loses Grief upon grief + grace upon grace Lack of cultural methods for honoring grief shame/disempowerment in loss and grief     Relational resources designed to be shared Hope When Your Heart Breaks doses of God meeting you in darkness and pain of grief for self, for others good choice   Getting through Grief adult and youth version charting a course – 8 gifts God gives to help us through grief conversation, forgiveness, love, hope, faith, community, purpose, presence   What practices help us connect to God, rather than turning away from God, in our grief? Time to be in God’s presence Dialogue with God Watching for God’s work   Tell us about any particular resources you would recommend for grieving and growth.  Resurrection story of Jesus Joy of the Lord is our strength Romans 8 Lazarus Jacob wrestling with God “Struggle Well” - https://amzn.to/38D6N

The research: 2017 – 3 part research project – confirmands, young adults (2000+), focus groups YA Relationships Count available for free - https://www.cph.org/p-34106-relationships-count-engaging-retaining-millennials-ebook-edition.aspx   Other research available: Fuller Youth Institute Sticky Faith Research https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfaith/research   Barna Trends in Youth Ministry: https://www.barna.com/research/the-priorities-challenges-and-trends-in-youth-ministry/   Goal: Youth can name five people who walked with them. know their name know several things about them check in with them outside of programs     What elements make up a supportive relationship? Retaining the relationship over time Caring in joys and sorrows Christ-centered example of living out faith in life Openness to letting them walk with you through life preparing for transitions and responding to crisis Cloud of witness, varied perspectives     What is missing for youth and young adults if they don't have supportive relat

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow best not in meeting with God occasionally or even regularly, but in God’s presence in our life always.   When was a moment you had the sense of the presence of God’s Spirit?   God invites us to know His Spirit. Psalm 139:7 What places in your life do you find it’s easy to forget that God is present with you?   God invites us to know His faces, to connect with every part of His character. Psalm 139:7 What kinds of things do you think leave people feeling like they have limited access to God?   God invites us to know eternity. Psalm 139: 8 What phases or points in our development in this life do you notice give us a special opportunity to lean in and grow closer to God in relationship?   Find Heather here: http://www.heatherruesch.com/ Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow not just in knowledge of God, but when we remember who God is and what He’s done for us.   Which are you more comfortable with in your relationship with God: knowledge or experiences?   God is omniscient. Psalm 139:4 Where do you see the evidence that God knows us wholly or altogether?   God is interested. God sees the details. Psalm 139:3 Name a Scripture story that helps you remember God has the whole plan, our whole path, before Him   God is near. Psalm 139:5 What kinds of things in life help us remember our dependence on God?   Find Heather here: http://www.heatherruesch.com/ Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog    

Special guest: Darcy Paape, director of the Women’s Leadership Institute at Concordia University Wisconsin and author of Someone to Walk With   What is mentoring? Intentional Organic Being willing to share both strengths and weaknesses Creating relationships and creating spaces   What is the person looking for? Examples: Affirmation? Coaching? Evaluation? Someone to listen?   Building blocks of mentoring: Humility & Willingness Cross-generational mentoring examples: Elizabeth and Mary Ruth and Naomi   Building blocks of mentoring: Communicating & Commitment Finding a mentor God with us in the challenges Identify the ally or sweeper to help you connect to someone   Resources: Someone to Walk With by Darcy Paape - https://amzn.to/3mhC09P Someone to Walk With Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/someonetowalkwith Thanks for the Feedback - https://amzn.to/2LBgTCI The Reluctant Witness: Discovering the Delight of Spiritual Conversations - https://amzn.to/3oN4WrV University of New Mexico – Mentoring Ins

What playgrounds do you remember being in your life as a kid?   Purpose of playgrounds Purpose of Being   Being + doing is the goal, holding both together   God’s relationship to being Examples in Scripture   Colossians 3:23-24 Colossians 3:17   God’s relationship to doing Examples of Scripture   Mary and Martha in all of our lives   In what ways are you being with God? In what ways are you doing for/with God?

Sense of worth = an internal awareness that as created creatures of God we have value How does God’s delight in us inform our sense of worth? Concept of mutual delight, God to us and us to God   Struggle with worth - Delight is not determined by what I do. Seeing our worth based on our relationships with people Worth based on what we do or my performance   Engaging in God out of response playing from delight v playing for it what is our vantage point of God? Father of Love v. Father of Judgement   Our worth within the narrative of God’s plan: Creation to New Creation   Holding the tensions of life together to see God’s delight is still with us in difficult things: repentance and delight the now and not yet   Justin’s book – Delight! Discipleship as the Adventure of Loving and Being Loved: https://amzn.to/2HDOzxm* *this is an affiliate link

Episode 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Hope Special guest: Tanner Olson, aka Written to Speak   Get to know Tanner Why is hope so important for our mental health and for our relationships? Hope changes the narrative Hope as the bridge between mental health and our relationships The power of sharing narrative Sharing hope on the internet   Hope with words Hope without words   Honoring the heavy to get to the hope Sitting alongside someone in the back and forth of sharing brokenness and hope Finding Joy in our smallness before God   Poetry Break: Somedays     Searching for a definition of Hope Big H hope and small h hope Big and small spaces for sharing hope   Poetry Break: Stay   What are the tiny things of life that give us hope? What’s your confetti cake?   Find out what their Star Wars, or their Space Jam, or their confetti cake is   Poetry Break: As You Go + pg. 57   Find Written to Speak: https://www.writtentospeak.com/ https://www.facebook.com/writtentospeak https://www.instagram.com/writtentospeak/

With Special Guest, Sue Steege Director of Christian Education, transformation and discipleship ministry focus Goal – making it safe and doable for parents to be faith growers Moving from Wow to Win How can I set up a win for a parent to transmit the faith? How can I set up a safe way for parents to feel successful in sharing their faith? What opportunity can I set up for families to participate in faith together? Contribution: Allowing and creating opportunities for contribution Follow up with those in the communities What opportunities can we offer for kids to be able to contribute? What do kids have to contribute? Vulnerability: How do kids open us to the heart of God? Engaging other adults in teaching kids to form many supportive relationships Extending invitations continuously Walking through hard times in life together Attachment, brain science, and faith Ideas from Sue: Use the Bible App to teach parents to lead a family devotion Goodnight with Sue and Zanmi, teaching parents to give a blessing - http

Did you have a stuffed animal or a “lovie” growing up? What was your relationship to the lovie?   What do stuffed animals do for kids? What can stuffed animals teach us about Jesus?   Comfort – a physical reminder of the abstract comfort we need as kids a sense of power and agency with something that is smaller than them Representation of the abstract, sometimes hard to access, comfort Jesus brings             2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Sensory input, but also knowledge we can seek out what we need Comfort for fears   Companionship - Knowing we aren’t alone, something to hold but also a special friend Physical thing, but also powerful Representative of the compassion of Jesus             Feeding of the 5000 (Matthew 14) Representative of the gentleness of Jesus             Palm Sunday, riding in on a donkey (Matthew 21)             Let the little children come to me (Matthew 19)

Marriage as a Process…Not a Product What kinds of things in life do you want instant fruit or instant rewards? What kinds of things would you like your spouse to just know about you? Read Ephesians 4:11-16. Where do you see truth and love alive throughout the timeline of your marriage? What does the process of healing or forgiveness look like in your marriage? Wellness Exercise: Open the conversation in your marriage around this discussion: How have we grown since last month? YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/6lDHfC5xBjU Find all the Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://he

Special Guest: Matt Schuler, pastor and friend   What is trust? Heidi’s definitions of trust: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/always-growing-what-is-trust   Designed for trust in God Proverbs 3:5-8   Trust impacted by brokenness Psalm 28:7   Is God trustworthy? Cultural norms Boundaries and trust Dare to Lead elements of trust - https://amzn.to/3kH7bf5 (affliate link)   Walking forward with trust wounds   Find more resources on trust, mental health, and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.com

12 Days of Physical Touch What are the purposes of physical touch in marriage? What are the benefits of physical touch in marriage?   How do physical touch and sexuality change in different stages of marriage?   Name a time your partner comforted you with physical touch.   What difference in capacities for physical touch do you and your spouse have, if any?   Wellness Exercise: Read Matthew 19:13-15. Consider how love, affection, and belonging is communicated in your household? In what ways is physical touch a part of this communication, and what one idea regarding touch might you add to your marriage or family relationships?   YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/L43RiUi8bzw   Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships   Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/Hei

Special Guest: Justin Hanneman, PhD, LIMHP, pastor GracePoint Relational Health https://www.relationalhealth.org/   What is attachment? “secret sauce” Trust, sense of safety, and attachment from infancy to adulthood   Sense of safety at the subconscious level Implicit memory + early relationships Definition of implicit memory = https://dictionary.apa.org/implicit-memory   Love your neighbor and a God as perfect attachment figure while we imperfectly try to love one another. “Attentive caregivers are the answer.” “We’re not always here to deliver from as caregivers, but to deliver in.”   How attachment happens: Available Capable Willing   Finding the relationships we need Two types of relationships What are our attachment needs right now in this stage of development? Paying attention to our attachment reflexes   Brain health, mental health, and attachment   Grace, self-compassion, other-compassion, and attachment   Find more resources and discussion on mental health and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.c