I Love My Shepherd

Question: What can nature teach us about boundaries?   Research around boundaries in nature and psychology Info + application Phase of research at present Pleasing and purpose (the symphony of nature)   Order and chaos in the natural world  With human interaction Without human interaction Examples of order and chaos in nature   What is our relationship with nature? Consider the seasons The impact and awareness of comfort DBT wise mind skill Ease v. easy   God’s relationship with the Natural World Song of Songs, Ecclesiastes, Job The natural world as container with boundaries  

Question: We know kids need outside time; but does nature benefit children’s mental health?  Tip 1 - environment matters  Consider your space for work or learning Note your time needs in nature or working, etc - aka how does the environment around you change or impact your mindset individually Note the differing energies of different environments   Tip 2 - spark creativity in Creation Kids as creatures of creativity Nature’s boundaries but also freedom Nature teaches so we don’t have to or teaches in a softer way at times The value of options and even a bit of chaos   Tip 3 - try a forest walk with your kids or your inner child Find a forest therapy guide: https://anft.earth/listings/ Tip 4 - Research around concentration or mind functioning and the natural world Concentration - better academics,  Attention span,self control, executive function areas nurtured without evaluation (balm for busy brain = attention restoration theory) Cooperation - stewardship mindset + relational and respect s

Question: How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma?   1 - recognize both Big T & Little t trauma  2 - the Body does keep the score The nervous system activation and return to baseline The impact of energy and recovery The place of awareness in healing Somatic therapy treatment for trauma The mystery of nature and healing the body Time elements of trauma healing Trauma and “marks of significance” 3 - what are aces and protective factors Nature and trauma handouts from Children and Nature Network: https://eadn-wc04-796033.nxedge.io/wp-content/uploads/C_NN_CFP_pathway_22-4-6.pdf https://eadn-wc04-796033.nxedge.io/wp-content/uploads/C_NN_CFP_pathway_22-4-6.pdf 4 - spiritual trauma and rest in nature Nature as God’s arms around us, holding us   More at: heidigoehmann.com Substack: https://substack.com/@heidigoehmann Instagram: instagram.com/heidigoehmann  

Question: What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? Transitions come with stress  Attending to the transition, noticing the energy and tasks required Various emotions of transition Nature as an intentional place to "escape" to    Tip #1 - any time in nature is valuable   Tip #2 - nature reminds us every thing happens in its time  notice the transitions in nature itself to validate your own Widen the lens - notice the steady cycle around the changes all around us allow the time of a transition, nature allows the slowness of transitions Job and Song of Songs   Tip # 3 - Look to Nature for Comfort  Nature as therapist Build a trustworthy relationship with nature (and with God) Release of control  Learning by experiencing and presence instead of cognition   Tip #4 - Take a Mindfulness Break Unconscious and conscious integrating for growing awareness Scripture examples in Song of Songs and Job Colorado State U transition handout - https://extension.colostat

Question: How does nature help with regulation and balance?   Dave’s forest therapy training - https://anft.earth/   Emotion Regulation tip #1 - let things be complicated Science and mystery Concrete concepts around ourselves and our bodies as well as spiritual or less concrete concepts around ourselves   Emotion Regulation tip  #2 - we regulate when we provide a space For each other (co-regulation) For ourselves (self-regulation) We are a part of nature and regulate within nature. We are constantly in a process of shedding and restoring. God designed us with internal and externally connected regulation methods.   Emotion Regulation tip #3 - getting out of our own way of regulating How do we accidentally get in the way of regulating naturally? Origins of forest therapy with the advent of tech/media Benefits of the natural world on our cardiovascular system   Emotion Regulation tip #4 -find the blue spaces and the green spaces 3 specific outlined mechanisms for emotion regulation

Welcome to Season 7 of our little podcast! Dave and I are looking forward to a season of talking about three of our very favorite things comingled...well, four really - life in relationships, mental health, the natural world, and spirituality.  Some topics and questions you'll find in the conversation this season include:  How does nature help with emotion regulation? How do I let go of things I can’t control?  What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma? And more... Look for 7 episodes wherever you get your podcasts. Look for articles and more resources at heidigoehmann.com to complement what you hear. Find Heidi and Dave (mostly Heidi) on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ substack - https://substack.com/@heidigoehmann youtube - https://www.youtube.com/heidigoehmannwrites and other media outlets. See you soon! Relationships - always worth the effort. We can't wait to be in discussion with you in the coming weeks. 

Question: How do I let go of things I can’t control?   A Dave and Heidi story: the cynical season or “life on the edge” and our first forest therapy attempt Learning to let go of the outcome   Letting Go Tip #1 - Find a practice of noticing what we don’t control or can’t control Example: stand in the woods or the yard and note the basic elements of nature around you that you can’t control   Letting Go Tip #2 - Read Job chapters 38-42 The duality of meaningfulness and meaninglessness The duality of Challenge and acceptance “Job’s in scripture because his life was hard, not because he was doing really well at it.”  When it feels like God is jacking around with you, building the trust    Letting Go Tip #3 - Finding non-judgment in nature and God Nature can hold and contain our challenges Psalm 51 - here’s my heart, insight in truth and love Notice what confusion is present and bring it to God   Letting Go Tip #4 - Note the cost of control Top three psychological impacts of tightly holdi

Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link)   Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up   Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable   Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger   Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve” Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me Tip 5 – Notice other people Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process Shame Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human   The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger “Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy The pur

How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood   Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience   Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation   Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions   Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness Hedonia and eudaimonia – pleasure v meaning Markers of happiness = relationships, purpose, meaning/gratitude/mindfulness, physical health   Tip 4 – Don’t force it   Tip 5 – Know your values to find your eudaimonia happiness Purpose and pleasure, skill and fulfillment DBT values word list available to subscribers at heidigoehmann.com in December     Research: https://positivepsychology.com/predictors-of-happiness/ Waterman, A. S. (2013). Eudaimonia: Contrasting two conceptions

How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s?   Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion   Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else   Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/   Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas)   Tip #4 – do not assume an emotion, ask about an emotion   Tip #5 – Be aware of triggers with no shame Practice accountability with kindness “I am uncomfortable. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to know what’s going on with you. The way it’s coming out is challenging for me.”   Tip #6 – hold the duality of parental responsibility with deep parental love and connection Common questions: will they be ok? Will I mess them up? What am I missing? Give yourself spa

How do I help my loved one when they are sad?   Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation   Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness -       Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time -       Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble   Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let people’s emotions, including our own be complicated and layered let it be seen by God with someone invite that person into regular life things    2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God of all comforts, God of all, but especially of comfort Psalm 18:6-8, God’s anger at what makes us sad or hurt     Resources: https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/sorrow-an-acknowledgment https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/honoring-our-sorrow-sadness-amp-tears-a-scripture-list-for-lent https://www.kfuo.org/2020/01/20/coffee-hour-0120

Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something?   Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries   Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people   Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts   Define Zeal -       great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) -       eagerness and ardent interest in something (webster) -       fervor, determination, combined with kindness equalling great devotion (urban dictionary) -       related to passion that is hard to govern   Tip 3 - What is the love within this? What is the fear within this? -        Tip 4 – reserve zeal for injustice to give power to the marginalized Tip 5 – hate doesn’t help -       Ted Lasso – Be curious, not judgmental     Tip 6 – You can have boundaries Opt out of conversations – place for avoidance and distraction, change of focus Opt of relationships

Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries  The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience.  Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to honor them without judgment.  Boundary #1 – self-differentiation Boundary #2 – no drama making, honor the degrees of separation Boundary #3 - know your lens: perspective, bias, and assumptions Boundary #4 – empathy doesn’t fix people Boundary #5 – know your bandwidth  Boundary #6 – be yourself in your kind and compassionate clothing Boundary #7 – recognize all of our capacity for suffering   Mental Health Tool - Gut check practice Ser

How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual  Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skills   3 stages of pleasure: Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedonistic hotspots in the brain Learning – brain updating information, making future predictions; brain begins linking neurotransmitters that were harder to link before     Resources: Altogether Beautiful video on expanding our understanding of pleasure 45 sec Preview: https://youtu.be/902FvFLwbA0?si=P8irRsjz0AH2ZQXj https://vimeo.com/ondemand/altogetherbeautiful/260826340 https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2004/11/berridge https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/202107/the-new-neuroscience-pleasure

Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy. Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions at lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. See you soon!

Topic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it’s healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup?   The weightiness of breakups Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy”   Keep it classy, kind, and clear Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is long term face to face universally preferred in the research What do you need and what needs healing? Find your support people Consider the impact on relationships beyond yourself   Allow for emotions Give opportunity to process for yourself and your break up partner let complex emotions be there, just listen and then move forward Own what needs to be owned, don’t own what isn’t yours Dave’s wisdom = “It’s not you, it’s us.” space before friendship Happier music video: https://youtu.be/m7Bc3pLyij0   Give yourself time and space for the grief Set needed boundaries Homeostasis, getting to normalcy and comfort Pay attention to your internal dialogue and engag

How do partners take care of each other when they have a baby?   1 – Learn together, about baby and each other What are your unique challenges?   Gender role complications Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby Embrace flexible curiosity Make space and room for letting the baggage come out     2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another Acknowledge the impossibility of the unpredictable nature of parenting   Some common anxieties: Exhaustion Anxiety about infant or just life Changes in other relationships (boundaries with others) What support is available Physical touch and sensory overload Uncertainty of needs – other and within self Communicating about something so new Losing who I am outside of parenting     3 – Notice where your partner needs and respond to each other with grace Hormone changes and adjustment for both partners sleep deprivation messes with you validate and offer small touches to ground partner notice mess and mindfully notice joy Caring for each other outside of mot

Topic: Where do I turn if I’m wrestling with my faith?   Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master   Wrestling can be scary, but healthy Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me? Validating your questions and feelings goes a long way in making wrestling feel safer Keep talking to God – step toward relationship and revelation, getting to know God rather than always answering the whys     Wrestling can bring growth and depth of faith Find people you can talk to about the questions and wrestlings Making peace with wrestling as part of the faith process Research studies reveal wrestling as a widely experienced phenomenon: Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2839364/ Barna - https://www.barna.com/research/two-thirds-christians-face-doubt/ Study of Islam - https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/paper/what-causes-muslims-to-doubt-

Topic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health? Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health Step 1 - changing our beliefs Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs 2019 APA survey: https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey   What is my relationship with this person? (4:30) Relationship = vulnerability + boundaries Where are they at? Consider the person’s willingness to have the conversation Can they see the concerns or are they mostly unaware? Use the phrase – “I’ve noticed” or “Have you noticed…” Start with culturally normative symptoms or what might be easiest from them to hear Shift our own understanding about mental health as part of everyone’s everyday life   Get some info for yourself Nami - https://nami.org/Support-Education and Mental Health First Aid and Fresh Hope groups recognize our own anxieties about mental health Mental Health First Aid: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/take-a-course/find-a-course/ Determining a

Topic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult? Developmental realities, independence and angst The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence? A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college   Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood baby steps reminds us we are capable telling each other you are capable = part of family life   Tip 2 – be mindful of the stages of parenting parenting changes over time and with developmental levels of kids   article from Berkley calls the last state a “guide” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_ways_to_change_your_parenting_in_the_teenage_years making decisions for small children, to making decisions but offering choices, to making decisions with your child, supporting decisions alongside your child   Tip 3 – be interested in one another as people find some new rituals and traditions as well as new ways to connect spiritually 4 areas to grow as family members grow – emotions, routines, freedom,