Last Men On Earth

When I used to play sports, people told me I ran like a girl. Little did I know that in the future boys like me would have a chance to dominate the Connecticut High School Girls Track finals. I identify as first place!On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve into the transgendered female athletes increasingly dominating girls sports and the reason why that shit is about to pop, discuss Hollywood's Green Book failed night at the Oscars, highlight the hypocrisy of the #TimesUp chairwoman who resigned to #BelieveHim in an upcoming sex assault case, the idiocy of the Robert Kraft tug job arrest and the linkage to sex trafficking, wonder aloud how Robin Roberts still has a job after crazy embarrassing journalism in her Jussie Smollett interview, and find R. Kelly yet again in trouble for peeing on little girls. Didn't your mother teach you any manners?As always, we beg, plead, and beseech you to donate a couple shekels to our ad-free podcast cause to keep our lights on and our beer cold. Visit us on Patr

Do you ever look around this world and think to yourself, man, I'm glad Ol' Dirty Bastard died before he had to see all of this shit? No. Me neither. Though it's hard not to reminisce about a time when political correctness was roundly mocked and scolded, rather than the practical law of the land. The return of all types of tribunals has not served this planet well.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we accept the fact that Terry Crews played his ball cupping into a brilliant career upgrade; wonder why it's not racist to blatantly deride white people, a common hobby of modern media; overly analyze Jeff Bezos' penis; wonder when feminists will stop taking off their clothes and pretending it's going to teach men a lesson; surmise that young journalists have absolutely nothing interesting in their lives to write about these days; try to figure out how Carson Daly had a show on for 17 years despite nobody ever watching; and wonder aloud what will happen to a world where we arrest people for misgendering the

I like to think of Matt and I as great detectives searching for real evidence in a worldwide case of fake news, bullshit, obfuscation, and misdirection. But, honestly, neither of us would pass a background check to be a detective in any known law enforcement office. Damn you pee tests and criminal background searches. Unlicensed muckrakers we remain.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive deeper into the Jussie Smollett alleged and quickly falling apart hate crime tale, wonder if Liam Neeson and others ought best keep their long ago sins to themselves, ponder where in the feminist org chart a titty-model like Emily Ratajkowski truly belongs, wonder it's a good thing that gender identity changes for young people are now seen as massive accomplishments worthy of celebration and parties, consider how Amal Clooney might carry out her promise to get Jennifer Aniston laid after two years of barren bed times, de-lionize Fyre Festival folklore legend Andy King for merely being a hummer tramp, and end on a ha

We have two cross purpose phenomena in the Jussie Smollett case. First the desire to be early and loudest about an obviously just outrage over a potentially vile and brutal attack on a minority. And second, when holes in that case develop, even if you're the media or legit journalists, mitigate any chances you're seen as second guessing the attack story. Matt and I are under no such pressure to either, as honest men about town with zero desire to be liked. It really is quite liberating.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive deep into the Smollett case as it currently stands, discuss the great case of the raping opera singer and his conductor husband, Matt explains why his home state of Alaska is perfect for killing people, we both concur that third party or independent candidates are a net positive, even if lame Starbucks CEOs, we open the floodgates to coming battles between Lesbian and Transgendered, and we dispel any notion that hot supermodels are serving lives of slavery to the patriarchy of so

You'd think after 150 episodes we'd rise above our sophomoric and juvenile antics and produce something of adult level quality and discourse. You'd think. Score one for consistency.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we wonder aloud why not a single sports commentator is commenting on the ballooning body of Serena Williams, listen politely to Terry Crews play the flute, because of course he does, opine what a wonderful world this would be if all social media sniping and snarking was settled in the ring with fists, or maybe guns, Matt reveals he's come down with Yellow Fever, Leslie Jones bitches about something or other because that's her thing, we make pretend shock face at Bryan Singer underaged twink assault allegations, and we deliver some kind of speech about girls in high school doing rectum wrecking gang bang scenes because the guys are watching to much YouPorn. It's all in a days work. Or two hours approximately, which if you're lazy like us, is a day's work.Please, for the love of children and p

Here's an idea. Put out a tremendously simpleton and cynical sermon on social morality and when people label it simpleton and cynical, declare their defensiveness to be a certain sign that you were right. How long have you been beating your wife, Mr. Man? It's okay to hate the world. Or at least Gillette and their stamped out safety razors.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive man-head first into that moronic and incredibly obvious Gillette "The Best Men Can Be" short film, discuss Mariah Carey's assistant's lawsuit for tit humiliation, Matt and I argue over the racism level of the NFL and how Colin Kaepernick came to be the large-living version of Malcolm X, we talk about the case of the Butch Lesbian suing Chili's for suggesting she dress in women's clothing, and I try to ridicule Matt for his article slamming people who love their dogs too much. I'm not sure how that goes, but I'm giving myself a perfect ten like that midget girl from UCLA on the floor exercises.Please, please, please don't forg

Today was the day I think we finally said something meaningful. I can't be sure. 147 practice runs and finally, there may be an ounce of wisdom in today's show. It's not as easy being profound as people on Twitter and motivational speaker tapes and Oscars speeches make it out to be. Most people say dumb shit most of the time. And we're above average in the rankings. But today, oh boy oh boy. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we discuss Democratic party donor and party drug watcher of dead rent boys, Ed Buck, delve into the R. Kelly "he did what?" hypocrisy, opine as to Ashley Graham's theory that having sex makes everything better in relationships, we debate the benefits of separating social media platforms into one for Safe Spacers and one for fully-functional adults, try to figure out who the hell might watch The Masked Singer, and end with Matt's weird insistence that all doctors are freaky creepy perverts. All in a day's work. We ask that you kindly donate a dollar or a buck-fifty, literally, to o

If this were a Friends episode, it would be called The One Where Lex and Matt ramble on because it's the New Year and also drinking beer. Though we'd have to shorten that for the TV Guide recap. Also, you'd have to have a laugh track to tell you which parts are the jokes. Nevertheless, in our first week back in 2019, we have a ton to say and it needs to be heard. Maybe not needs, but ought, or maybe highly suggested. 2019 is shaping up to be filled with even more cynical dumb shit from dumb people than 2018. As ever, we remain on watch.In this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we delve deep into Tiffany Haddish's idiotic comment about wearing fur until cops stop killing black people, wonder if Louis C.K. and his Parkland jokes are nearly as bad as the outrage mongers who look them up to force others to hear them and be equally outraged, question the intersectionality credentials of the new Rose Parade queen, watch the Women's March cancel themselves for lack of intersectionality, and wonder what will become of

Before we get to our predictions for the coming year, Matt and I rounded out 2018 by dealing with some of the more profound issues facing our world. Dicks in thongs, Pete Davidson's cries for help that ought remain unanswered, feminists in Hollywood being equally as horrible a fat gross male predators in Hollywood, and some sinister shit Taylor Swift pulled off to endanger the privacy of every living person on this planet. Also, there's a moment when I cry on behalf of Ukrainian preteens who are no longer being shuttled off to Paris to be sexually exploited by men named Guy because the Jenners have taken all the modeling gigs in the world. This may be our motion emotionally arousing episode ever. It's our longest. I can't believe this shit is free.Speaking of, as a gift to us for Christmas, don't forget to pay your buck a month and become a patron/benefactor/dirty john of the show. It not only pays for our beer each week, it allows us to purchase beers for the tween Syrian refugees who help run the show.See y

If you don't pay attention, changes in the world can pass you by without ever even noticing them. Though you're likely to notice the 6'2", 220 pound frame of Men's Handball Champ turned Women's Handball Champ, Hannah Mouncey, as she barrels through female-born opponents like a hot, big-ass cleaver through butter. Awaiting feminist response as to what to do about the brutes turned dames quickly gobbling up women's sports.In addition to the Mouncey Trouncey factor, on this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we select our LMOE Persons of the Year, kind of sort of defend Kevin Hart while pointing out rampant anti-gay material in black comics material, discuss Amy Schumer's latest nauseating attempt to seem common and connected to regular people, and figure out that Harvey Weinstein is likely to get off on every single sex-charge he's facing due to the quid pro quo nature of his relationships with every single woman he she-banged or bathed in front of. It's a lot to process, but we have a second grade reading level,

The term patriarchy now seems entirely invented by feminists to pretend it's men, not women, who are tearing down women. You know how men love to judge, gossip, and snipe about how women look or act or parent. Those patriarchal men can't help but be catty. While women want nothing more than to support each other in a female driven Utopia. That's the dream. If you can dream it. Or the lie, if you like the truth.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we explore how Natalie Portman bikini-boob shaming Jessica Simpson for her teen bikini music videos in the 1990's is a prime example of women can never truly unify, discuss the cupcakes at Columbia University who turned the mic off on comedian Nimesh Patel because he told a racy joke, Matt reveal how his deep detective work into Rain Dove's gender attack claim led him to going on a mini-golf date with the androgynous sort of model, and we wonder why the NFL and football fans make a big deal about the dudes caught on video beating up their ladies, while not parti

This week's show as usual was dedicated to the outrage of the offended and the offenders as arbitrarily decided in this world by who shouts the loudest. Sometimes, you need to speak truth to power. Other times, you need to kick truth in the nuts to wake it up and remind all the ninnies and nincompoops that they're essentially liars with bullhorns and friendly news networks.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve into the non-science of gender fluidity and how one high school in a trendy area of England now has dozens and dozens of young teens reporting they're transgender, conquer the mystery of Teskahi69 and his intellectual intricacies, wonder what Lena Dunham's ovaries smell like -- probably cat good, Matt goes off on a beta male-she-beast couple in a Black Friday TV ad for GMC trucks, we both kind of agree we wanted the Christian missionary to die by arrows on that Indian Ocean island, and how can we not applaud Ellen Pompeo for asking all privileged Caucasians to stand up for non-Caucasians on

The world has turned upside down and all the Chinese people have fallen off. It's our job to fix what is rotten on this planet with semi-literate commentary on the week's events. It doesn't pay well, and there is no paternity leave, but everybody here speaks English and can take a dick joke. So there's that.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve deep into the deep throating done by major cities to attract Jeff Bezos to their metro portals, mock GQ magazine for selecting Serena Williams as their sweet biceps of the year, talk a lot about this enormous chick in England who's breastfeeding her daughter at age nine, kind of defend Kim and Kanye for their private firefighting mercenaries, lament how sophisticated sexual assault coaches have become in shaping the testimony of both real and false rape accusers, surmise reasons why the field in Mexico City wasn't ready for this weekend's mega NFL abroad game, and say a bunch of other incredibly inane things that once in a while make sense. Somebody's got

The entire premise of this little 100,000,000 audience strong Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are under siege in these times of feminist planet hijackings. As if women can fly. Just kidding. No I'm not. Make this stop. When we began the show a few years ago, it was mostly that. Never did we foresee that it would be a massive rise in soy males apologizing on behalf of their gender that would be dealing the fatal blow. Never underestimate the power of random people to disappoint you.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dissect a NY Times essay by a man calling for all men to admit their sexists jerks by nature, question whether or not Ellen should keep writing fat fantasy checks to people she's told have a year left to live, mostly laugh again at WNBA players comparing themselves to NBA players, wonder exactly what the drug dosage threshold is before a celebrity death from crank will be ruled something other than an accident, and delve into the dispute between Rebel Wilson and Black Twitter and ho

Moral outrage is directly proportional to the general number of skeletons in one's closet. Normal people good with their soul compass don't feel a need to lecture others on right and wrong. People who used to giggle and clap while Louis C.K. tugged one out on the living room couch tend to cover with lots of #MeToo tweets. It's human nature. You can't fight nature.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we cover Sarah Silverman's unappetizing reveal that she used to be Louis C.K.'s consensual fluff from across the room friend, debate how fair it is to label Kobe Bryant a sex offender despite never being convicted of any crimes, dive deep into tranny transgenders and their battle to be seen as women under Title IX, anoint Amy Schumer's turning down Super Bowl ads she never received as the worst of slacktavism, and wonder why it's coincidentally always bubble blonde waitresses who receive those mega tips for no good reason. Basically, everything you need to know to be informed around the water cooler at work an

Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee genes, support the trans power bottom suing the shit out of the Shitty Men in Media google doc list publisher, wonder how long until SNL drops the hammer on charity case Pete Davidson, work through the pathology of Aaron Hernandez and his locker room free-balling, and initiate a new segment: This Week in Crazy White Privileged Chicks. It's offensive, but also crude.For those of you who feel like making Jesus and the Karmic gods look upon you kindly, be sure to visit our Patreon account and spend $1 (or more) becoming a LMOE subscriber. We are a public good. And you are the kind of person who feels guilty. We're counting on it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster masculinity remain determined to fight the tide. Not for a noble purpose so much as we drank too much and can't find the door. I like beer.On this week's prophetic podcast, we delve deep into the radically enraged minds of college educated white women who are stomping around the planet like elephants in musth, which is bullishly ironic, we tackle the issue of false allegations prevalent in sexual assault cases and how Believe Her basically means more innocent black men will be fucked, Matt for some reason feels a need to call all Eagles music fans simpleton assholes, and then we dream of ways to kill hipsters on Bird motorized scooters in coastal towns. It's all fun, except for the murder part, we're serious about that pa

It's easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with the AK-47. I'm not sure what the aliens are.On this week's podcast, we delve into what's ailing this world, like the new California law forcing companies to put a quota of women on Boards, you know, to make up for slavery. Also, Cristiano Ronaldo Vegas anal rape allegations, Lady Gaga's self-harming fan base harming the movie Venom, Lindsay Lohan speaking in a caricature Arabic voice trying to steal Syrian refugee children off the streets of Moscow and being punched, and Christian Bale in his latest and greatest fat-guy method role, as Dick Cheney in a movie you can't figure anybody actually goes to see in the theaters.And in our epic Bonus Segment for Patreon Patrons, we get down and dirty into J.K. Rowling, faux dive

There's simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don't let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women's toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever happened to simply asking nicely for some action and smiling kindly?On this week's podcast we delve into the Cosby case and conviction, Pete Davidson's apology tour around Ariana Grande's privates, the first female duo NFL game broadcast that nobody heard, Eva Mendes and the onslaught of exhausted rich Hollywood working moms, Suge Knight and his obvious oncoming plan for prison escape, and I talk shit about the Handmaid's Tale and get lost in a patriarchal rape circle. It all makes sense if you only listen.This week's Panties in a Bunch bonus segment for Patreon members features a frank discussion about the Kavanaugh-Blasey Ford hearing before the bumbling stumbling U.S. Senate. It's a doozy you don't want to miss.Since

And now you find yourself in '82The disco hotspots hold no charm for youYeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted the stupidest members of both partisan clans in a rhetorical battle of completely unfounded commentary. It's what our world has become. Or always was. Only now all the assholes have microphones, including Matt and I.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into Kavanaugh's HS rape paws, wonder why the hell you'd invite Anne Hathaway to your party to apologize for being white, rip on This is Us creator Dan Fogelman for being a white guy claiming white guy critics sabotage his work, fall in love with Malaysian con-man, Jho Low, laugh an ironic laugh at Asia Argento suing the shit out of Rose McGowan, and say something about Jared Leto saying something about the male model gender pay gap. Man, we love to talk.If