Decomposition Podcast

It has been a hell of a year for us here at Decomposition Podcast, and we've saved the worst for last. NewSong may or may not have been inspired by an actual story when they wrote the song "The Christmas Shoes." And that awful song inspired not only a book, but a movie trilogy. It's supposed to be heartfelt, but its so cringe-worthy bad that whatever emotion you are supposed to feel gets completely overtaken by awkward laughter. Teresa also gets a new nickname "Hot Cheeks."

Katie was a big No Doubt fan back in the day. This year, for Christmas, Gwen Stefani released her own terrible, terrible album of Christmas tunes. "You Make It Feel Like Christmas," didn't (or hasn't yet) reached the top of some oddly specific Billboard charts. Even with the combined might of The Voice power couple, Stefani and Blake Shelton, they aren't pulling in the numbers. Probably because its just a bunch of cobbled together, trite, sugary sweet winter imagery. We also spend quite a bit of time discussing the hour-long Target ad that was her Christmas special...the costumes, the guest celebrities, the lack of comedy (?) and, of course, the lip-syncing.

A Christmas-charity song that helped raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia...who knew this would be such a grim tune? At the time it was the UK's biggest selling single. A collection of popular singers gathered to sing an admittedly bad song, with problematic lyrics. You're going to hear that word a lot. How on Earth do you pronounce the name Ure? Have these people ever been to Africa? Should they be painting this picture of Africans? How can Bob Geldof be a professional songwriter if he can't find a way to use the name Ethiopia? Sit back and relax as we discuss this wine and coke-fueled (thanks to Status Quo, whoever they are) holiday anthem. God bless us, every one!

Let's get festive!! This is a looooooooooong song. And, its one of Bumpercar's favorites...or so we tell him. Actually, we all enjoy this song. But the story is terrible. The narrative is weak and the story itself is just long and boring. Who or what is Egyptian Lover? Are people in Akron Ohio aware of rap music? Is Harvard offering full-rides for jousting? Who ARE the Waitresses? Did they (probably) influence Nirvana? Yes, we talk about Blossom, and, obviously, we talk about Romeo and Juliet. Also, Richard Jewell...I couldn't remember the name Richard Jewell To listen to the Bumperpodcast, in all of its glorious insanity go to: nattybumpercar.com

Fellow Mountaineer Luke Combs (aka Redneck Shrek) has exploded this year on the country music scene. He should have finished out his last day at school, perhaps he would have learned what the saying "When It Rains It Pours," actually means. Where exactly is I-65? Why on Earth would a Carolinian choose Miller Lite over Southpaw? Donna basically sings this entire episode, the dog gets handsy, and John Arbuthnot...whoever that is.

Keith Urban's almost-two-week-old hit "Female," is a misstep. He tried to do something constructive in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and just ended up recording a song that would have benefited from a rewrite. Instead we just have a pile of vaguely-related lady-words, benevolent sexism galore, and, obviously, no real rhymes at all.

Shifty, Epic, Epique, DJ AM, the Drummer...These guys were riddled with problems. The least of which was their ubiquitous, massive hit single. Insects or incest? Little Lolita and Lollipop Porn. Remarkable amounts of crack cocaine. And, of course, a heroin-fueled murder/ suicide. All in the name of love.

What was it that Dave Matthews did? Anybody? This song was the beginning of the end of rock superstardom for the Dave Matthews Band. They hired a producer who they thought could sell albums. Unfortunately, it failed to feature most of the band and didn't produce the quality of music that people came to expect. Emily and Brad were both on the DMB train, whereas Katie never enjoyed it anyway. Lots of Dave Matthews impressions, giggling, and Emily laughing until she cries. Magic mushroom love bombs? The video makes zero sense...unless you're on mushrooms...which may or may not be what, in fact, Dave Matthews did. Plus a rap that senselessly repeats the word "love." Good news though, we teach everybody a fun new DMB-related game to play.

The emotional scars of this song run deep. Katie saw approximately 10 minutes of one of the A Nightmare on Elm Street movies and, to this day, is haunted by the thoughts of a guy named Fred who "wears the same hat and sweater everyday." However, this song proved to be a living nightmare of ensuing legal battles, obligations to movie studios, loss of a music video. And the repercussions were felt right up through the last dying days of New Line Cinemas. Or not, who knows. Anyway, Katie is still terrified by this song, but does a "killer," Kreug impression.

Saved By the Bell was, and is, a cultural phenomenon. California Dreams was not. And yet, it still somehow wiggled the theme song into our collective consciousness for the next several decades. Why was a forty plus year old "power trio," writing songs for teens? Do they sound better than any average teenagers songs? Who is Karen? Was George R.R. Martin's biggest influence the Garrison family? Who was Tommy? He certainly wasn't Jake! We talk about almost all of the shows EXCEPT California Dreams. Brad's brain effectively stops working and Katie forgets a remarkable amount about one of our previous episodes.

Doctor Dre (not Dr. Dre) and Ed Lover are living legends. They helped bring hip-hop to the masses as hosts of Yo! Mtv Raps. They worked with Run DMC and the Beastie Boys before putting out their own album. It did not do well. However, the title track is a remarkable amount of fun. Cobbled together from bits of other classic hip-hop songs, it is musical Prozac. Who are the suckers? Who is Davy? Funky Santa! What did T-Money do? What did these guys have in common with T.S. Elliot? Don't worry, Katie is able to draw a comparison. I double-dog dare you to NOT want to hear this song every single morning, first thing, in order to put yourself in a wonderful mood. Unimportant. Enjoy our "flow," as we go over one of the most quotable rap songs of all time.

Zappin it to ya'. Castle sets, Mary-Kate and/or Ashley, power-mullet face dancer. This song really thinks its saying something. Spoiler, it isn't. It is, however a ton of fun. Loads of gibberish in too-long of a song, and Debbie Gibson may have been super-high. And she shared a songwriting award with Bruce Springsteen. The video is worth watching, as its off-the-rails crazy.

Denis is Back(ermann) to try, and oh, how we try, to make sense of this needlessly-epic "masterpiece." Honestly, the words are dumb...what with the inclusions of golden nuggets, listening to the radio strong, treasuring love, angels having guitars before they have wings and, of course, putting on the 'phones, but the videos are bat (out of hell)-shit crazy. Gypsy/Troll Meat Loaf, runaway Angelina Jolie, Jim Steinman in welders gloves, LOOOOOOOOOOOOTS of dancing, power arms. I don't know, this all seems like gibberish in a brief description... Hey, better Bat-Trilogy; Christopher Nolan's or Loaf/ Steinman's? Anyway, this is a super-sized 'sode because there's JUST THAT MUCH GOING ON. Watch the videos, listen to the songs, and I double-dare you to NOT love every god damned minute. Spoiler: Jim Steinman doesn't sing on his version of this song.

Does this song deserve the Grammy for "Best Song Ever?" Jarrell certainly thinks so. Eddie Murphy struck it big at a remarkably young age, as a result he put out an album which featured, according to various publications, one of the worst singles ever, with a little help from Rick James. Evidently it's about him NOT wanting to party with his girl. Theres a lot of music and not a lot of words. All of the instruments (and hand claps) are synthesized. He certainly doesn't seem to realize that this relationship isn't exclusive. Nine albums later here we are decomposing his only hit single.

Dr. Dexter and Noodles (Noodz) are too old to be doing this. Ripping off the Beatles, who ripped off someone else, in the laziest way possible. They also lazily try to prove themselves not to be misogynists. Plus, Katie apologizes to her mother, but not for screaming out bad words from other Offspring songs. Is the female character in this song a bitch, or do we just not know her side of the story. Ringo won't answer Brad's requests for a fist fight. Be warned, Adam Hunter of Towson, Maryland, we're coming for you.

Jiggle, wiggle, boogie, woogie, oogie and dance. This is a mantra, as told by Armando Perez, better known as Pitbull...Mr. 305, Mr. Worldwide. Superfan (of Pitbull) Donald helps us break down the lyrics, video, and lifestyle choices of Mr. Perez. Pitbull/ Playboy branded underwear, his own vodka, and a SERIES of lifestyle books. Why on Earth does he not feature the liquor in the song he wrote based on it. This is a fun, terrible, great song and we had a great time discussing it. He saw, ho conquered, he came.

For Labor Day we welcome 2 Decomposition all-stars, Teresa and Josh, to try to talk Katie down. As an English professor and Shakespeare buff she tends to get fired up when students don't finish the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. Spoiler; she's the only one of the 4 of us that has read the play. Nevertheless, Tay-tay got her biggest hit single by ruining the ending. Was this a Latin-pop hit? Did she sell more than Billy Shakes? Sahwnetts...again. Whats more gross, teenager marriage or teenagers banging? Is she emulating Madonna or THE Madonna. All this and the G.D. Scarlet Letter in our super-long Labor Day episode.

Starting off strong this week with serious confusion about where we can find the actual lyrics. Then we dive deep into our Korn-spot and discuss how great a nu-metal monkey band would be. Bass playing, not bass playing. Playing guitar vs. playing guitar pedals. Getting our boogie on and more Rumbideebums than you can shake a stick at.

Bizarro noises, 14 year-olds down on their knees, wanton destruction...and a political message, I guess(?). Were these guys a band? We also get into Gregg Alexanders motivation, which is mostly fueled by jealousy over other musicians fame. Its not that bad, but it IS that trite.

People probably remember Jamie Walters more for his role on 90210, but whether or not they realize it, they know him more for his 92 hit from the fake-band from the real show The Heights. His singing is exhausting to impersonate. They may not actually know any real characteristics of angels. This song is still excellent....just excellent garbage music that you will hear wandering down the aisle's of most grocery stores