Welcome To Patchwork

Christian and Josh are joined by the supremely talented comedian Nat Harris for Patch 131! Nat is about to perform a replay of her Melbourne International Comedy Festival show "Lathered" at Comedy Republic on Tuesday July 16. Purchase tickets through the Comedy Republic website! We kick off the episode by fighting about who has a better 'natural' reading voice before Nat reveals that she bleeds from the eyes and gums due to a stigmatism. Hot start alert! Christian expresses his dislike for people who engage in loud activities on the other end of the phone, Nat opens up about her tendency to speak to herself and Josh takes aim at people who type while they're talking to you. Josh then considers whether his home teaspoon policy (leaving it turned upside down on the edge of the sink) can translate into the office. Will his colleagues scratch their neck with his spoon? Nat struggles with using a single teaspoon across different substances and Christian breaks down over an oily teaspoon in soapy water and suggests

Michael "Cambo" Campbell of Cancelled Movie Report and Read It On Reddit joins Josh and Christian and is immediately attached for his nickname and the silent "p" in his surname. Don't we treat our guests well!   Christian kicks off proceedings by asking Cambo and Josh what they would do if someone asked to grant them access to a building that required fob access. Would you let them in and then assume they were up to no good? Or do you, like Cambo, "run a loose fob ship"? Should you track their movement and alert front desk of an intruder? Finally, we marvel at the next generation tech available today at Woolworths! Josh tells us about a time he followed up on an offer for tickets to see Dune 2 but was met with silence. What obligation do we have to honour the offers we have made to people? Is there a statute of limitations on offers? Does it matter if the offer is vague? Can you be upfront with the person who originally offered you the favour? Cambo tells us about his "full house" of family and friends that w

While Dion is away, the cats will play! And these cats have decided to invite veteran of the comedy scene and Patchwork's first ever repeat guest co-host, Laura Dunemann, onto the podcast! We kick off Patch 129 by making Christian feel more self conscious about his most recent Uniqlo purchase, an Arctic white turtleneck jumper. He's a Christmas rom-com cameo, he's exploring the Polar ice-caps and he's a villainous tech billionaire.  Laura, married and mother of 1, discloses that when her husband is travelling for work and she is interacting with other parents solo, she can't help but feel as though she is being perceived as a flirt. How do you flirt? Is it always flirty when you're interacting with a parent of the opposite sex? Josh and Laura give us a great example of 'awkward flirting on a podcast'. Christian realises his flirting is simply the way he wants to be flirted with and Josh likes to flirt with his eyes. What's the difference between flirting and cracking on? Do you label your significant other as

Surprise, main feed Patchworkers! Get a taste of what the Patreon subscribers are receiving every fortnight with this weeks Bonus Patch. Join for as little as $2 a month to support the show and guarantee yourself some Patchwork every week. Jump onto patreon.com/welcometopatchwork In this Bonus Patch, Josh kicks off by asking Dion and Christian what's going on their feet first thing in the morning. Are you wearing shoes? Just socks? Barefeet? Does the weather impact your decision?  Josh talks us through his decision to 'save up' his explorer socks, Christian takes issue with Josh's new heated blanket strategy and Dion asks what item of clothing makes you feel the least like you're at work. We also discuss animal wools and Christian isn't happy!Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This Patch starts with Josh expressing concern over his own reaction to a message chain in the Patchwork thread. Christian and Dion can't hold back their pride for a Josh looking to grow and learn. We scratch the surface of Josh's brain and try to understand whether it's to react with frustration to a text message that is checking up on you. Is it harder than ever to interact with friends via messaging? Why do we read so much into EVERYTHING?! Dion then beautifully pronounces charcuterie before telling Christian and Josh about an unfunny work colleague that he couldn't find the energy to fake laugh with. Do you go out of your way to support someone who has made a bad joke? How do you do that? Christian reflects on the feeling of validation that comes with a true back and forth but then recalls the feeling of disappointment that comes with a "yeah yeah yeah" response. Josh talks about the half-laugh walk off and Christian explores the classic next door neighbour walking away response by telling us about his ch

Christian is sick! He's sick and selfish. He begins the Patch by telling Josh and Dion about the poor decision he made to ride public transport while sick and the consequent pressure of having to 'cover up' his illness. After some light berating, we get to the heart of the matter, which is more annoying, a sniff? Or a cough? And what makes it annoying? The frequency? The sound? And do we dare discuss sneezing? We then reminisce on being judged if you ever blew your nose loudly as a child.  Josh recalls needing to send some event details on to his partner and asks Dion and Christian whether they are "screenshotters" or "copy pasters" when it comes to forwarding on event details? Josh treats the original message as a first draft, Christian choses to summarise in his own words, Dion crops and highlights. Out of nowhere, Dion decides he is finally picking a bone with Josh over how he shares the edited Patchwork episodes to him and Christian. We also discuss the stigma around leaving group chats. To wrap the episo

Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you?  We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and mulch dumped in driveways? Dion reveals that he may be a mulch thief while Josh can’t help but equate driveway mounds with takeaway fish and chips. Can you take clippings of a neighbours rosemary bush? Do you feel safe leaving items outside your home unattended? Why aren’t we more concerned about mail theft? Is it because of all the dead snails in everyone’s mailbox? Should we have more faith in our community?  Finally, Josh reflects on a recent temporary toilet experience and asks Dion and Christian what their ultimate setup

Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin.  Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin deserve better than Dion ripping it in half like a maddened primate? Josh falls on his sword and will always let his partner take the half they want while Christian proclaims that we’ve given individuals too much power to control the size of their slices. Dion wants to know, how an orange should be cut and we discuss the fundamentals of sharing.  Dion then asks us to ponder the age old question, what is a businessman? We dissect the words ‘cofounder’ and ‘entrepreneur’ and make fun of Josh for his pronunciation of the words.

Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history.  Christian starts the episode proper by lamenting his ability to casually organise an event. Are you someone who can casually put together an event and be fine not knowing who is coming and when? If an invite says, "get there anytime from 4pm", what arrival time would be considered late? Should you ask your 'core group' to arrive earliest? We then celebrate 'Regrets Only' invites. Josh then asks Christian and Dion for the techniques they employ to subtly glance at someone else. Dion admits that he struggles to find people using clock face directions - "your 5 o'clock" while Christian worries about a quick turn around resulting in a punch in the face. We then plan out the best ways to guide another person as they attem

Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year. We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher sometime again in the future. But for the moment, it's goodbye. Big hugs and three loud kisses oxxxSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it.  We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into Christian and Dion bullying Josh for having the audacity to talk to his friends about things that he is passionate about.  Dion tells us his strategies for picking an aisle when he needs to traverse through the chemist. We also discuss what we love to browse in the pharmacy while waiting for our script. With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Sound Check" This will be the last full episode of Welcome to Patchwork for quite some time. We've got a little clip for you coming next week, with details. It's been real.  Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/l

Christian questions whether Josh can sell his abandoned basketball for profit. He's simply a man looking for answers.  Josh's comedy group Game Boys won a freakin Green Room Award! So we discuss what genuine surprises we still have in life and if it's rude to send messages and be on social media during a speech.  Finally Christian tells the longwided story of an old man bumping him on the train. Do we give elderly people too much of a pass these days? Both Josh and Dion also have some tales of people being unaware of others personal space.  We also play Copy Cat and Time to Think. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian and Josh open this episode with a rather frank discussion about the many hairstyles of the artist P!NK. We explore the unspoken bravery of dying her hair blonde and her notoriety in Australia. Christian then finds a subtle way to tell Josh he's balding and shouldn't colour his hair.  Josh then tells us about his new job delivering groceries and the torture of having to relearn how to drive a manual (Emmanuel). Do you judge people who struggle to park? Are you an anxious driver? Is Josh learning to self soothe?  Christian recalls an embarrassing moment at work where he forgot a colleagues name. Do you get anxious when you need to introduce two people? How do you handle embarrassing public situations? Do you make a big deal about it or do you ignore it entirely? Dion then engages in a little wasp chat. Finally, Dion asks Josh and Christian whether they have specific ways to wash certain dishes and it leads on to a constructive chat around the virtual Patchwork kitchen sink.  We also play Horrorscopes

Josh hosted another party and this time he's taking aim at those partygoers who take other people's drinks. Is it expected that the host will supply drinks? Should you be precious about the drinks you bring to a party?  Dion then asks Christian and Josh for the right context in which a handshake is the right greeting? Is there a more appropriate embrace for a friend? Do you feel comfortable hugging a stranger? We then ask the big question, why do we need the shake in handshake? Christian then recalls a time he observed a lady taking a selfie for over half an hour and asks Josh and Dion, when do you take selfies?   We also play The Rooibos Challenge and Really Good Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/li

We’re back, again! Jeez, we spend a lot time not recording this podcast. Anyway, you get what you’re given. If you want more, become a Patreon! This Patch opens with Dion telling us about his recent trip to Texas and a close call with a tornado. We then discuss people who think they’re cool for not liking nature and using TikTok to follow live events. Christian then recalls a time that he went for dinner with a couple of friends who refused to start eating until his meal arrived. Is this considered polite? Should you prioritise letting your food go cold above everyone starting to eat at the same time? Can you at least start with a couple of chips? We then talk about expecting cold meals through meal delivery services and Dion and Christian harmonise over a Thornbury pizza shop. Dion doesn’t wait for his Mum to sit down for dinner; Christian’s Nonna refuses to ever sit down. Josh then asks Dion and Christian a very important question - what’s your end to end approach to dipping a full bowl of chips into a very

Prepare for an outrageous and side-splitting comedy experience in this special episode of our podcast! Brace yourself for a laughter-filled adventure as the entire episode has been crafted by the comedic genius of ChatGPT, the AI language model with an uncanny knack for humour. Get ready to be entertained by a non-stop barrage of jokes, humorous anecdotes, and hilarious situations. ChatGPT's algorithmic wit will leave you in stitches as it delivers punchlines, engages in comedic dialogues, and shares uproarious sketches that will have you doubled over with laughter. With an inexhaustible arsenal of jokes and a quick wit, ChatGPT proves that AI has a place in the comedy world. From clever wordplay to absurd scenarios, this episode showcases the astonishing capabilities of artificial intelligence when it comes to tickling funny bones. Whether you're in need of a good laugh, a momentary escape, or simply a comedic pick-me-up, this episode guarantees an unforgettable and uproarious experience. So please sit back,

Open wide and come inside! For this Patch, we've each written a new catchphrase that we'll drop into the episode at an appropriate time (and by appropriate time, we mean somewhere in the first 10 minutes because we were all too excited to hold on to them). Christian asks Josh and Dion to be a sounding board about a prank played on his friend's mum. We then wonder, who are pranks for? Are they ever funny? Is a prank just 'accessible bullying'? Josh tries to find an example of a harmless, good prank. Christian then recalls a profound comment made by a friend about sleep which kicks off a big discussion around how we each interact with sleep. We first talk about the very notion of trying to fall asleep and then Christian and Josh openly discuss how they actively try to repress any thought whatsoever throughout the day. What aids do you need to fall asleep? Do you wake up during the night? Dion then asks Josh and Christian about how they manage sleeping in bed with someone else before declaring a pillow between t

Josh is woken up by the incessant banging of some tradesmen and Christian and Dion wonder whether this could be improving Josh's life. We then discuss why tradies need to start work so early? Christian then tells Josh and Dion about feeling relief about an upcoming event being cancelled. He sees the night now as 'free' and able to be reclaimed as a night off - Josh and Dion think the right course of action is to plan a different night out with the same group who would have attended the event. Oh my! What will the Patchwork boys say next?! Josh then complains about his friends no longer coming to gigs that start at 3 in the morning. We then discuss our feelings towards an impromptu venue change and posit, is there a point of diminishing returns when spending time with friends? Have you inadvertently stolen anything and enjoyed the benefits of your theft? Josh recalls accidentally stealing a hand towel from a hotel and then Christian admits to A LOT of theft - especially from Virgin Active. We then talk about t

Josh calls out Dion for asking a friend to hotspot internet so he could top up his phone credit, Dion vehemently tries to defend himself by revealing that he actually purchased his sim card from a supermarket. It becomes clear that no one is right and we've wasted each others time and energy; much like all the Welcome to Patchwork episodes. Christian went to his cousin's 30th and his only take away from the evening was, how long can you make someone holding a platter wait while you take food from it? And further, how many items can you take from that platter? Dion takes aim at sushi served on a platter and we discuss what makes a 'good' finger food? Josh loves a single mouth full, Christian loves things in containers, Dion just loves slides. Are you concerned about where you're positioned in the room relative to the finger food? Do you often take the final item on a tray to help the waiter?  To close the episode, it's Josh and Dion vs Christian in a battle royale about whether you should leave kitchen utensil

Christian kicks off this episode by wishing himself an early happy birthday and then asks Dion and Josh how they feel about receiving 'happy birthday' messages before their actual birthday. Does receiving an early birthday message change the sentiment? Or is it the same as receiving it on the day?  Are you annoyed when someone asks you where the toilets are in a restaurant? This is what Christian confronted Josh with at the Patchwork Christmas Party. What is your system for finding toilets in a restaurant? Do you get anxious? Are you confident in your ability to locate a toilet wherever you are? Do you care if the toilets are nice? Are you good at asking staff for help wherever you are? How do you feel about people that ask you to remind them about something later? You know those people, "oh, remind me to get my keys before we leave home". Is this adding to an individual's mental load or is it cuter than that? Dion then tells us about a recent visit to the dentist where he had eaten a poppy seed bagel immedia