You Are Being Unreasonable

"We don't care about GDPR: we're rebels!" We have another fine collection of jumping off points for 'bits' in this week's episode of your favourite B-list podcast. In this week's jaunt through Mumsnet, we open the cupboard full of mismatched mugs that every household in the UK has, we offer a lucrative internship at a world-class bank cleaning out the store cupboard while singing, we provide the best way to avoid bad reviews (the secret is not to do any work and to offer free scones), and we debate whether Rob Stewart is an A-lister or not and move on to the impermanent and fleeting nature of all fame and fortune.

"Is it ever really a victory if at some point you have to eat McDonald's nuggets in a toilet in secret?" We're popping round for a quick yoghurt this week with some fresh Mumsnet threads for you. We discover a coven of witches eating McDonald's at work and investigate how to get away with nuggs theft. We discuss whether people landed on the Moon (they did) and then get into the shape of the Moon. We assess the idea of family passes for the NHS like at Alton Towers and ask our GP to do a vasectomy, look into our hearing, give us a smear test, and do a full health check in 20-30 minutes. Finally, we look into the economics of delivering a misdelivered package of nuggets to a neighbour versus the economics of delivering a box of popcorn at 100 miles per hour.

"The second best revenge is lesbian erotica..." We're celebrating 50 episodes (sort of) with a surprisingly sweary and bawdy episode. We ask if you should ever give the police an alibi for your partner and what crimes you would not accept from them: shankings? refusing to pay VAT? murders? What should you do with a horrible young sexual harrassing man at work who keeps mentioning his large and serious penis? What if it were a witch sexually harrassing you instead of a young man? What if it were a sad clown? Should you reference your husband's role in your own CV and why would you want to do that? And what would you do if an old companion wrote you into their self-published lesbian erotica?

We're celebrating 50 episodes with a bonus clip show! This is 50 minutes of the best bits from 50 episodes of the You Are Being Unreasonable podcast.  Featuring clips from: 003 - In which pantsuits are considered and the greatest wizard is discovered 006 - In which fresh milk is opened and Hugh Jackman puffs himself up 009 - In which we scream in the Sistine Chapel 014 - In which the Stink Judge decides when we can eat 026 - In which we attend the worst dinner party in history 030 - In which we investigate the ancient art of tyromancy 032 - In which we invent the outbound phonesex line 033 - In which we get possessed by haunted hand-driers 035 - In which we pay Coca-Cola to raise children as a job creation scheme 039 - In which we start a new centrist podcast 047 - In which a dentist tells us raisins are bad for teeth YABU Live 13th December 2018 - In which we do a festive live podcast recording

"They think that inviting someone to a wedding is akin to punching them in the face." We're in the run-up to Fringe season now and we're practicing for our live show by... well, doing what we always do: looking at threads of Mumsnet's AIBU board and chatting about them. This week, we determine who is and is not a table-nabber and outline the plans for a new cinematic franchise, Rogue Dad starring Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx, we discuss the politics of using a giftcard to split a restaurant bill and how to burn through £10,000 on giftcards like Brewster's Millions, we talk about texting intimate details of your life to a stranger you met in a shop and ask the eternal question, What Would Tommy Wiseau Do?, and we discover that non-human entities and abstract concepts can be 'cheeky fuckers' and ask if weddings are CF.

"If only we could utilise your gagging on an eggy struggle." Coming to you from the UK heatwave, we have some scalding hot takes from Mumsnet's AIBU board this week we spend this episode listening when people tell us who they are. In this episode, we overhear our Creationist neighbour shouting about Creationism at his wife in the garden, we ask at which jobs it is appropriate to wear flip-flops in the summer, we unravel the byzantine mysteries of a 'simple story' of two women and two ugly guys, we list the words we don't like, we do a close reading of 'Horrid Henry' and his sex cult, and we meet a woman who travels the boards talking about owning half her mum's house.

"I want the baby to have a monogrammed smoking jacket... I want the baby to look like Hugh Hefner otherwise what's the point?" Hopefully this week's episode gives you a good ol' boost in the fanjo as we continue what is definitely a serialised podcast with a strong season-long arc. We ask which kind of mysterious conspiracy could have sent unexpected letters all in braille, how to handle visitors who don't like your attention-seeking dog, whether dentists should intervene in people's supermarket shopping, and what is the absolute best present to give to a newborn baby for Christmas? Is there a secret Illuminati-club for blind people? What kind of art would a baby want for Christmas? Is a dog stronger than a baby? Are the raisin sections of supermarkets getting too big? Why do we keep talking about Gillian Duffy, the bigoted woman? Why did she say everything? Tickets are now available for our live show at the Camden Fringe 2019 on Thursday 15th August 2019 from 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 G

"If Generation X was so anti-capitalist then why does capitalism still exist?" Weighty issues abound this week as we accidentally stumble across some actual anti-capitalism on Mumsnet but it turns out to be a web of bad takes. We learn what the Life in the UK test thinks are important indicators of Britishness and discuss the essence of British weekends. We also discuss whether or not you should tell a complete stranger to leave their partner, whether or not it's normal to not eat hot meals, and Simon reviews the latest films in the genre of 'cello drama'. Tickets are now available for our live show at the Camden Fringe 2019 on Thursday 15th August 2019 from 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP. Go to https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2401 to book tickets.

"The day you were born was the only day you'll show up to a room full of people naked." So we really earn the 'explicit' tag this week as we discuss lewd song lyrics, blokes on the train effing and blinding, men weighing themselves completely naked, and whether it's reasonable to leave an adult sleepover to go and have sex. Don't let children listen to this. We also get into the differences between polo and water polo, putting your bare bum on the seat in an Uber, the implications of the ULEZ zone in London, the social etiquette of leaving a party, a textual analysis of 'Face Down A-- Up' by 2 Live Crew, and the various travails of Ben across the threads.

"Come on, David, leave the bag of syringes here in the playground: we have to go for a drive." It's been 44 episodes but we're finally getting close to understanding the culture of Mumsnet and the site's snitches' charter. Join us as we discuss the unusual prevalence of nautical themes in bathrooms, find ways to bring down capitalism by requesting refunds on the substitutions for our online shopping, play a round of our regular game 'Haughty or Flirty?', we attend a cult wedding with a very normal sister-in-law, and, for some reason, we discuss whether it's unreasonable to TRAP A WORK COLLEAGUE IN A CELLAR WITH CLINICAL WASTE. Listen to the end for details of how to vote for us in the British Podcast Awards and how we're going to bribe listeners to do so with meat.

This week, we briefly discuss the Mumsnet Preppers board to prepare for the apocalypse. What gifts do preppers give? Where should they live post-doomsday? What meals can preppers prepare?

"Come is cheap." This week we invite you to join us both for a delicious roast: pork, roast potatoes, broccoli, carrot, Yoskhire puddings, and cheese all sandwiched between two slices of toasted bread. Yum. We discuss the logistics of fitting the roast potatoes into this Worst Sandwich and the mysterious presence of cheese. Also: Do bankers really do a lot of cocaine? Should you live-vlog a first date as a YouTube influencer? And what should you put in your work email signature in order to not be a dick?

"What predates the EU and managed to get in? The Vikings." Should you give your personal details to the Russian government? Who counts as a mother for Mother's Day? Should you be allowed to eat food that you enjoy? Would you let someone clean your house to give you more time to conceive? And most importantly which animals symbolise which countries? We also iron creases into our underpants, we carry a Viking longboat to Russia like Fitzcarraldo, we plan for a hot double cream recording, and we discuss Brexit Bill's eating preferences. 

"This website is the bad take machine." Welcome to another episode of the only podcast focused on the Am I Being Unreasonable board of Mumsnet. The only podcast that ever has been or ever will be focused on this area of the internet. This week, we discuss binbag thieves, the Plastic Police, and the finer points of stealing someone's identity; couples who go the GP together and speak in unison; we investigate some Mumsnet detective work into international dialtones; and we compare babies and cats. Spoiler alert: they are very different.  Sorry, the audio got a bit squiffy on this one so there's some alternating between stereo outputs. You might want to skip it if you find it uncomfortable to listen to.

A bonus episode for the off-week! This week, we briefly discuss Harry Potter and quiz Hels on her knowledge of the boy wizard and his magical friends.

"Who would you rather go to dinner with? Three unbearable women who are performatively ignoring chips and eating salad or Jerry Seinfeld?" This week, we generate yet more income from this highly lucrative podcast by pitching a shot-for-shot remake of Sex And The City but with Mumsnet, advertising LaserLads: Just Two Guys With A Laser, and starting our campaign to nationalise Mumsnet. Among the questions discussed this week, when do you lawyer-up when a friend has lied to you for money, is it unreasonable to cryogenically freeze a hamster like Walt Disney, and have you seen Jerry Seinfeld's new observational comedy special exclusive to Mumsnet?

"He calls his wife. But who's on the other end of the line? It's Barry Scott." We're pleased to announce that one of our hosts is branching out to start The Independent Podcast which accepts hosts from all other podcasts and is definitely a real idea and not a publicity stunt. While we're still doing this podcast, we learn the correct order in which to undertake life events, we investigate a case of egregious chocolate theft and cut off teenagers' hands to prevent theft, we look at funny pictures of Ronald McDonald on our phone, we speculate about McDonald's mascot Grimace's road-to-Damascus moment and their resemblance to adult toys, a mother time travels to protect her daughter from bad soup, and we remember Barry Scott, the shouty spokesperson for Cilit Bang.

"Join us the week after next for another dip into the well of misery." We've emerged from our blanket cocoons to ask the important questions: What do parents do with their kids' teeth? Why do people keep umbilical cords? Should we advertise that we're stocking up on food? And should he not leave when I visit? Along the way, we ask Nobel-prize nominated ambassadors to leave the room, we take other people's children to underground no-questions-asked barbers, we print all our children's identifying characteristics on their school leaving hoodies, and we stock up on food for Brexit. That last one is not even a joke.

"Imagine if someone sent Jamie Oliver as your birthday treat." We heed the words of Gillette and help people be the best that they can be. But then we hear that they're bugging the phones of their family members and sending elaborate birthday presents to school for our 16 year olds so it's tough. Is it unreasonable to hide in the park so your husband doesn't know you have a day off? Is it unreasonable to deliver pizzas to your kids at school? Is it unreasonable to be disappointed in George Ezra? And is it unreasonable to hire a private investigator to investigate your daughter-in-law?

"Did you vote Brexit because you were worried about a Polish person touching your Creme Eggs?" New year, new unreasonables. Mumsnet has cranked it up for 2019. This week, we discuss what children should spend their Christmas money on and invent hot new Lego media properties; we talk about having babies for the maternity leave and the difficulty of sneaking a baby onto a rocket; we wonder about searching for white Creme Eggs and what the 'skin' of the Creme Egg is; we discuss the decline of the British high street and the Council of Anthropomorphised High Street Shops.