You Are Being Unreasonable

"My measure of success is how many people you can coax into a basement on a Thursday night while you just read stuff that other people have written on the internet." We're simply having a reasonable Christmas time! This is the recording of our live show performed at the Chapel Playhouse on Grays Inn Road in London as part of their preview events. Thanks to everyone for coming and to the Chapel Playhouse for hosting us. For the holidays, we get our 'small relatives' dozens of paintings of horses as Christmas presents, we put our own decorations on someone else's corporate tree, we add the Minions to the nativity to pad out the story, we set up upstairs-downstairs Christmas trees to enforce good ol' British class divisions, we thoroughly review SheIn-brand loungewear suitable for gifts, and we leave a crate of beer for bin-men with binny-hands and man-buns.

"You're either depressed or you're a snitch: that's capitalism for you." Pay attention to this week's keywords: A is for 'anti-capitalism' and S is for 'snitching' and 'spectral penises'. We discuss snitching on people who are sharing prescription drugs (in an anarchist company structure), snitching on people who steal from those online websites they have nowadays, snitching on parents who have 'free' childcare in the form of grandparents or other family members, and snitching on people flirting at a Christmas fair.

"The only thing that stops him drinking is people having their need for firewood sated." We'll be honest: this one got away from us. Every podcast has a Lost Scooby-Doo Episode and this is ours. This week, is it unreasonable to buy firewood cash-in-hand from Beer-Money Billy? How can we appoint a specialist barber law solicitor if the apocalypse happens while we're at the barbers? Is it unreasonable of Scrappy-Doo to sell his family's ancient pieces of furniture? Should Christmas jumpers be banned in favour of Winterval jumpers? And is it unreasonable to expose young children to that weird CG Scooby-Doo from the live-action Scooby-Doo film?

Thursday, December 13, 2018 from 07:30 pm to 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP Go to http://www.chapelplayhouse.co.uk/ for details or https://events.time.ly/aart0an/20679541/tickets to book tickets

"This is bullshit, Carrie, and you know it!" It's an episode of mysteries today as we unravel the Mystery of the Floor Penis, the Riddle of the Fashionistas, the Family, and the Hatbox, the Question of When the McConaissance Started, the Enigma of the Pasta 'N' Sauce, and the Case of the Hypnotic Hand-Driers. Is it unreasonable for restaurants to have gendered menus? Is it unreasonable to say "Sorry, we have plans today"? Is it unreasonable to expect for families to get taxis before Carrie Bradshaw? And is it unreasonable for friends to spend 40 minutes drying their hands?

"Vote: that'll do, pig." In all our time delving into Mumsnet, we've never stumbled across that Mumsnet staple, the Poo Troll. Today we narrowly avoid this bad bad troll and instead discuss whether children (and pigs) should be allowed to vote, whether Ferrero Rochers are appropriate sweets for trick-or-treaters, whether to be friends with a half Jim Davidson, half Owen Jones abomination, whether you need to explain WHY you can't make it to an event, whether to eat children's Hallowe'en sweets, and we come up a radical new way of eating sweets to vote.

"Daddy has no life, does he, Mummy?" It's a spooktacular Hallowe'en You Are Being Unreasonable in which the scariest thing is bigotry. This week, we spectacularly redecorate our rental property with extravagant murals and gold bathroom fittings, we go caravaning with husbands who have no interior lives, we steal chicken nuggets and chips but it's from a chain so it's anti-capitalist praxis, and we talk about one of the canonically Great Female Acting Roles and the influence of Matilda on clever little girls.

"I'd watch Ann Widdecombe: Cheese Investigators." Should you read out the slides in your presentation? How do we approach our 'creative' colleagues? How do you accuse your mother-in-law of stealing your shoes? In answering these questions, we use stolen supermarket cheese to divine the future, we watch the Surgeon General read out the clip art on their TED talk, we wear flip-flops to express our artistry, and we steal wellies back from Satan.

"Who'd have thought the robot uprising would begin on Gransnet?" It's a special cosy edition of You Are Being Unreasonable this week as we welcome autumn by checking in with the grans of Gransnet again. Once again, we are tasked to only watch and to never interfere as we watch the grans go on a coach-trip with people carrying their carrier bags full of other empty carrier bags, take their own pre-mashed vegetables to the pub for lunch, and use a series of ladders to get a pervy cat down from a tree in the garden just at the back and to the side. Meanwhile we realise that Brexit means Brexit which means the Toby Carvery, call out Summer as a sexual harasser, and work on jazzing up our speaking patterns to attract more listeners and develop parasocial relationships with existing listeners.

"Smushies, sossies, rashers, dippers." This week, your favourite 8/10s look at Mumsnet once again and discover how to decorate a Marmite sofa, how to create Brunchables, how to "get things started" with someone, how to obliquely tell kids to pick stuff up off the floor, how to put lemurs in the bin, how to make rashers in the microwave at work, and whether it's possible to love a 3/10.

"Am I being unreasonable... sex towel?" It's our 27th episode and we join the 27 Club. But instead of dying, we talk about going to Jeff Bridge's house to admire his single DVD, we storm off ineffectively, we get matched up with strangers to see the opening bit of a Seinfeld episode, we accuse Bodger & Badger of potato-related misdemeanours, and we visit the greatest service station in the world.

"Someone said 'I have no idea what is normal anymore after reading Mumsnet'." Should you order a takeaway in the middle of a dinner party? What should you serve as appetisers at said dinner party? Should you post on Mumsnet about your guests while the guests are still there? Should you show people the itinerary from the holiday you went on four years ago? What times are appropriate to text your wedding DJs? And, while we're on DJs, what are some good names for 13 year old DJs? And why does Cher have so many bangers? We discover answers to all these questions and many more.

"You can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'." Back at it again on Mumsnet. We encounter cheeky coffee drinkers, greeting cards for people who have left work following 'incidents', glockenspiel murderers, dogs who have eaten earphone cables 'Lady and the Tramp'-style, smelly Jesus, and accidental children.

"Children aren't good at playing along with crimes..." Bonjour! Ça va? Oui, ça va bien, et tu? In this week's episode, we rush to A&E rather than pay £4 for two small bottles of water to take away, we vow - VOW! - that our children won't go through the trauma of having the same name as other children in their class, we scalp tickets for a children's production of Hamilton, and we come up with a new secret signal for Mumsnetters to identify one another.

"Worry about global warming before you worry about your children being on an iPad." How best to beat the heat? Reading Mumsnet threads, of course! This week, teachers look forward to their holidays, we discover the sound of the Internet, we leave children to travel on planes on their own, we learn about the advanced Mumsnet technique, The Reverse, and we drink strawberry Nesquik to remind us of being on the Riviera. Also, we're moving to fortnightly episodes from now on. See you on 19th July!

"Would I be unreasonable to take a doll to the barbers?" This week on You Are Being Unreasonable, we're replaced by 18-21 year-olds home from university who we pay minimum-wage to work for us. They discuss using spaghetti carbonara as a murder weapon, reporting our children to an ombudsman, they define 'nepotism', and unveil our newest, least popular segment, Simon's IT Corner.

"I never thought I was profligate in my sausage-eating habits." We're back from honeymoon to delve into Mumsnet's AIBU board once again. This week, we eat sausage-quarters like kings, we fill our house with thousands of Mr Men books, and we fart to punctuate sentences.

"Am I being unreasonable? Should I go to the Dog Carnival or clean?" A full slate of unreasonableness this week as we hide around the corner waiting to interrupt engagements, we unveil our three-point packed lunch manifesto, we mix veggie and non-veggie meatballs, and we resent our neighbours' Eyes Wide Shut barbeque/orgies.

"Adam Ant: not as bad as Stalin." This week, it's the most ambitious crossover event in podcast history as we're joined by Stuart Moses of the Improv London Podcast (https://soundcloud.com/improvlondon) to dive with us into Mumsnet's AIBU forum. Together, the three of us list soft cheeses, obliquely reference the theft of a dog on Facebook, we seduce Nye Bevan's wife, and go to the Mirror Universe version of Mumsnet where all the OPs have goatee beards.

"If anyone has any YouTube videos of a puppy successfully eating Manchego cheese but leaving the waxy rind perfectly intact and then placing it back in the fridge, I would like to watch those videos." Another deep dive into Mumsnet's AIBU forum. This week, we look for Schrödinger's cheese, we get asked for our marital status to buy chicken nuggets, and we get engaged again. If you have any Mumsnet AIBU threads for us to look at, please let us know on Twitter at @YABUnreasonable.