Thriving Twogether

Stephen R Covey talks about the compass and the watch in the classic book First Things First. I suggest using the compass and the watch analogy or metaphor as an opportunity to remember who we should love first and when we should love. Furthermore the compass and the watch teaches us that direction is more important than speed and that sometimes we should just relax and enjoy the process more so than the result. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Oftentimes all we need is a revision, remodeling, a new version. But occasionally we need to rip out the entire foundation and build a brand new house. In other words sometimes just managing our anger, or trying to listen better or be Kinder is not going to work. We need a new heart not just better heart medication. We need a knee transplant not just a chiropractic adjustment. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Lessons from Frozen, a 95-year-old prophet, and multiple relatives. In today's episode I explore what it means to not be a fixer-upper, to avoid the technician mentality and find the silver lining during storms. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

So who's better Johnny lawrence? Or Danielson? In marriage we often think that Johnny Lawrence's style is better or perhaps Danny Larusso's style. But when it comes to parenting or loving each other in marriage it's important that we understand strength and mercy. Splits and squats. Yoga and weights. Male and female. Yin and Yang. Completeness. Unity. Not sameness! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

I believe it was Warren Bennis who said it's rare that we prune too much. He was talking about business leaders, but I believe this goes for marriage as well. What should we prune? Maybe start with hobbies, and maybe too much work. But whatever you do don't prune or cut away time with family and with friends. And when in doubt seek input from your spouse about what you can prune so that your marriage tree can thrive! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Yesterday I journaled a thought: I should notice and appreciate angels (those who spread light and lift others) more than demons (those who seem opposed to me and my efforts). Then I came across my blog post from eight years ago and thought I'd share it again. As children we are full of dreams and excitement. Everything is fun and positive and we quickly forgive. We play. We love. We dream. We create. Somewhere in our lives we tend to get a little cynical and less trusting. We become intellectually haughty: superior to optimism, dreams and faith in others. We critique. We don't create. We question progress and doubt ability. Then as we get older we seem to rediscover our childlike values again. Dreaming becomes delightful. Playing with children or grandchildren brings supernal joy. We see the good in everyone. We encourage others. The happiest people are those who skip cynicism. They keep their childlike ability to give, love and forgive. I wonder what would happen if we skipped the middle? What if we skipped

Less Effective vs More Effective Marriages Me/mine  vs Ours/yours Lust vs Love. Force vs Allow Push vs.  Retreat/Relax/Relent Take vs Give  Action vs  Action over time (see Brave Marriage Podcast) Livefor sex vs   Lifelong sex. Destroy vs Create. Now vs Evolve. Yell vs Learn. Fix vs  Empathize.  Spouse is a priority vs Spouse is your top priority.  Frantic vs Still. Panicked  vs Chill. Yell vs Collaborate. Urges vs Intimacy.  Unchanging vs Iterations. Version 1.0.  vs Version 209. Anarchy  vs  Order. I've got this  vs God's got us. Lecture vs Learn together . Blame vs Take responsibility.  Demand trust vs Be honest and trustworthy. Escape alone vs Vacation together. Despair vs  Trust. Argue vs Discuss Tough Issues --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Two fathers compared notes on their recent loss of temper. One man devotedly and dutifully visited Home Depot to buy an electric chainsaw so he could eliminate branches for a childrens party. He evaluated his options and repeatedly returned to the store because he was missing essential ancillary parts. Finally he began to feel immense pressure when the party started and he hadn't completed his task. Ultimately he yelled at his family when his dog and son approached him while sawing down the branch. The other father was enjoying a family trip to the lake when he learned how difficult it is to back up a small trailer. The trailer zigzagged repeatedly as the father fumed until a teenage employee volunteered to speedily back the trailer up in a straight line. Solutions to avoid exploding? Remember Billy Joel singing "tell her about it"? Tell your spouse your challenges early on in the difficulty. Get vulnerable so you don't explode/erupt. Tell your partner how you're trying to please them but you keep fallin

A friend was trying to teach some youth. He wanted to impress upon them the importance of loyalty. I let my friend know that these youth and myself had his back. We would be loyal and concerned with his welfare and the responsibility we had.  Who has your spouse's back? Who considers their needs? Wants? Their opinion? What do they value? Do you seek their comfort ahead of yours? Their wishes?  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages is a classic. As I discussed words of affirmation with a friend I realized that affirmative words are like A1. They're good to help us feel loved but we need to feel loved deeply despite others' positive or negative words. Just like Ruth's Chris filet minion is sufficient without steak sauce. We are amazing and good enough without being told how good we are. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Have you ever seen the movie Father Of The Bride 2? There's a hilarious scene in the movie where Steve Martin is trying to get a Doberman Pincer to retreat. He can't remember the command to get the dog to retreat so he says "release! relent! retreat!" but it doesn't seem to work and the dog ends up chasing him. Some of the most important words in marriage are retreat, relent, release. We're prone to use military metaphors and attack our spouse or sports metaphors to be aggressive. But there's nothing so honorable and noble as to avoid criticism, belittling, caustic remarks, satirical remarks, sarcasm and snarky attacks. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

For several years I visited a dentist who had an employee that loved to give praise and encouragement. She constantly told me how good my teeth looked, how white, how straight. She praised everything- genuinely and often. Although I often asked for advice on how to take better care of my teeth or eliminate pain, she praised me without offering ideas for betterment nor education on how to maintain white, straight teeth. One day I had to use a different dentist office. After taking X Ray's and cleaning my teeth, this dentist and his assistant offered several tips and ideas to improve my teeth. Try an interdental brush, use this toothpaste, avoid acidic food and drinks. There was no praise, but massive education and concern. Which approach works best in marriage? Both. Marrieds are benefited by not only discerning challenges and offering hope and solutio

I'm sure you read the book or watch the movie, but do you remember the word slantways? It's how Willy wonka describe the direction of the elevator that him and Charlie and his grandpa we're going to travel in. It's also the best way to describe the solutions that we have in marriage. We don't need to just go up or down we can tried many different approaches. Furthermore the way Charlie is in the movie and in the books is a great template for how we should be in marriage: Kind, humble, grateful, others-focused. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Apparently preventing weeds takes thought, money and time. Our flowerbeds  seemed filled with more weeds than flowers.  At first we pulled weeds multiple times each year. And we sprayed weed killer. Those solutions didn't last.  Then Melissa and I collaborated to find impenetrable weed barrier. But experience showed us weeds can penetrate after a few years. So we devised a tactic: lay two layers of weed barrier crossways.  And for good measure we buried the weed barrier with rocks.  Relationship weeds are anything that threatens your family.: pornography, violence, apathy, distractions, diversions, and much more.  What is the one double layer, crossways impenetrable weed barrier best suited to prevent weeds in your relationships? Can you heap rocks ontop of your weeds so they won't  Are you stuck pulling the same weeds?  Some excellent weed barriers are couples counseling, giving, repenting, simplifying, debt elimination, and companion bragging.   --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-tw

Dan did it again. He deepened my understanding. He taught me about curiousity. Last year he taught me about shutting the barn door.  So what if curiosity was a reliable way to be more creative? How would it change the way you approach your relationships? Is getting curious better than getting frustrated/mad? Which one produces multiple solutions and sustains long term relationships?  To what extent is creativity simply a by-product of curiosity?  Would getting more curious enhance your relationships?  Engrained "solutions" are often merely ineffective traditions. Effective solutions come from seeking/inquiring after several fact based options.  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Melissa took me to our small garden to show me the difference between a small plant with a big tomato versus a large plant which will eventually yield many tomatoes.  She explained to me that it's more important to grow  large tomato plants so that you get many tomatoes instead of focusing on just growing a large tomato. Plant focused instead of fruit focused.  Grow the plant and many tomatoes will follow. Focus on the tomato and you might just lose the plant or have a small plant. It's the system, not the result. The process not the goal. The business, not the service or product.  The relationship, not the obedience/control. The person, not the objective.  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Just Mercy and Harriet are what I've been watching. Forming a business partnership with a person of color is what I've done. And I'm seeking to understand what broken systems, incorrect traditions and prejudices need to corrected. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

My neighbor's lawn turned from brown to green in a few days. He didn't fertilize it. He has no sprinklers. So how did he get a rich, lucious green lawn?  A soaker hose.  Soaker hoses emit water slowly and constantly. And over time you see the desired result.  Getting involved in your family is like a soaker hose. Consistent, slow effort with rich results. But you often don't see the results during the watering. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Focus is often cited as the key to fulfillment and success. But what if your focus is money first? Or work first? Or family first? Or church first? Stephen R. Covey taught that being too focused on any good thing causes us to ceed power to that value and to unfortunately derive our joy/pain from that value. Real joy and gratitude come from Divine connections. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

There are many problems in marriage and by properly identifying the problem, trusting God and working together you can get answers for some. But for many problems we should simply move forward trusting that the Professor and textbooks have helped us become self-reliant thinkers and accomplishers. We don't need to always be told to go. We should think, go and expect excellent results. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support