Thriving Twogether

Drip, Drip, Drip. Drop by drop a humidifier changes the environment allowing for better breathing, deeper sleep, a healthier life. Marriage is like a humidifier.  What are drops in marriage? Listening to an inner voice, selflless love not self love we not me, respecting more than teasing , mutual goals, gentleness, daily repentance, harmonious daily and weekly planning, enriching dates, worshiping together, forgiveness, saving money, paying off debt, we go not ego, and traveling. Sure it would be nice to have the results of our efforts immediately and abundantly like a monsoon.  But lasting marriages are built by drips and droplets, dew and even distillation.  But not by monsoons.A humidifier. Not a monsoon.    #humidifernotamonsoon #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness 

Celebrate goodness (Discernment): finding, seeing and expressing good. Children: nice work on studying each day. I'm not too worried about a C as long as you're challenging yourself. You're a hard worker! I love you're smile! I'm glad to be your parent. Spouse: I'm excited to see where we're going and what we are becoming! Finances: we keep getting better using money to create money. It's fun helping others with what we've been given. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Thriving marriages are like long, slow freight trains. You observe, enjoy and take the long view when watching a long train unlike short, bullet trains that quickly go from origin to destination.  Similarly spouses require patience and appreciation and not microwave fast, forced results.  Worthwhile relationships are like a marathon not a sprint. Hard work, unity, consistency and character matter more than speed, talent and ego.  It's not what's important now? But what matters most forever?  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

At one period in his life Van Gogh created one new art piece every 36 hours over a decade. 2,100 artworks. I've visited museums in Paris, Amsterdam, New York City, Los Angeles and Washington, DC to admire Van Gogh's masterpieces. People admire your marriage masterpiece even though it seems average and ordinary. The hard, daily, mundane intense labor made him a great artist as he created masterpieces. He painted 43 selfies. And several versions of Sunflowers as he became and created. Is building your marriage hard, mundane, pedestrian, intense? Can you see how you are creating a masterpiece? And becoming a masterpiece? What are you making as you daily create? And who are you becoming? We know of several of Van Gogh's masterpieces but he had hundreds of lesser works that transformed him from good to great. From a creative student to a legendary artist. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

"An open mind is like an open parachute." -Lord Dewar. Our quality of life and advancement depend on what we know and apply. Applying principles gleaned from others is invigorating. As is learning something new. We know certain ideas and don't apply them. And that's an application issue. But what about those ideas we don't know about? That's an ignorance issue. Can our biggest problems be solved best with better application? Or more knowledge? Maybe both. A very wise person, who never obtained a college diploma, took memory courses, a math course, spent numerous hours in book stores and libraries and studied foreign languages. He thirsted to know what he didn't know. Open your parachute. Learn new things. It might be the best way to solve your vexing puzzles. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

I once went to rent a movie at Blockbuster while my 13 year old daughter began reading a short book. The book was Who Moved My Cheese. It was one of my Dad's favorite books and mine too. When I returned, she had finished the book! And 8 years later she told me the book continues to influence her. Our little speed reader went on to read several books on leadership, attitude, relationships and finances during her early teens. My wife mentioned the same book a few days ago. Melissa told me the book provides great perspective in these uncertain times and she wished more people knew about it. In the book one fictional mouse hates, denies and laments change and ultimately fails. And one mouse embraces, prepares for and expects change and finally succeeds. Who we are becomes revealed as we navigate through turbulent times. Do we choose to change and better ourself? Or do we become bitter with our circumstances? It's where we are going to, not what are going through that matters most. "Take a negative

False dichotomies in marriage abound.  Such as: Either your spouse is right or you are. There's a right way to parent and a wrong way.  Either you fall in love or you don't. You're getting better or getting worse. How about loving unity and interdependent solutions involving conjunctions? You're both right. Each difficulty has multiple solutuions which are found through loving, varied, interdependent prospectives.  There's good, better and best ways (plural) to parent.  Falling in love is based on attraction and is a good start. And staying and growing in love is based on helping and giving to your spouse.  Marriage involves hours/days/weeks/years of progressing and failing. Sometimes the up is down and the down is up. It's not all down or up.  Bo Jackson thought he didn't need to choose baseball or football. He chose both. He saw the genius of and not the tyranny of or.* And is the word that best describes a solitionust mentality. Conjunctions are the tools of companions who work together, interde

Taipua is a transformational Finnish* word. It means to change one's opinion, to bend or to curve. It's the opposite of our dog who's obedient only when she gets treats. It's the opposite of pig headed, unable to look up and wallowing in dirty, muddy circumstances.  M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled boldly asserts life is hard but once we know it's hard it ceases to be hard. Why? Because accepting hardships allows us to change ourselves to meet and beat difficulties. We choose to admit we are weak, fallible. And thus ultimately because we admit and improve our weakness (instead of blaming our situation/spouse/cat) we become strong.  A presidental candidate was derided as a flip-flopper because he is mature and malable enough to change his mind.  My wife, Melissa, used a taipua approach when getting us 3x faster internet with a 10% discount.  Are we willing to change and bend?  *I love Finland and especially the Finnish people. I lived there for two years and study the language nearly everyday.  ---

One of the authors of The Power of Stillness said something powerful in a recent podcast about being mindful. He said we should be interuptable-so at peace that nothing disturbs us. We should welcome interruptions because we value people and relationships above transactions and functions. Being not merely doing. But doing matters too. I hate being interrupted. But now with traditions, formalities and routines interrupted and stopped including work, school, and extracurricular activities I'm learning to be interuptable. With plenty of time, I find it easy to listen. To trust in timing. To have meaningful discussions. I'm enjoying talking with family for hours and days and weeks. Eating meals together. Playing together. Working together. Bring on the interuptions. They help me focus on important people. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

A friend pointed out a feature in my Prius: An engine brake. I told him I'd used it only a few times because I thought it was only for decelerating on large hills.  He explained the engine brake is to slow the car without using brakes (thus preserving the regular brakes) and to recharge the hybrid battery. Net result? Less cost replacing brakes and less cost for fuel.  He told me he frequently uses an engine brake on his Prius which helps him get better MPG.  I've been following his advice and I'm spending less money filling my car up. And my brakes should last longer.  My car's engine brake is like meekness.  Meekness is a term that means to be restrained/disciplined/guided by the Spirit.  Rarely did I use my engine brake for four years. By being restrained I could've gained.  Being guided/disciplined through the Spirit is different than no discipline or mere self- discipline.  Meekness seems to be one of the most difficult virtues to understand and perhaps one of the most important for ambitious pe

A wife was running warm and so she turned on a fan to keep her cool while she slept. The next night she noticed a blanket had been removed from her bed by her husband. Now instead of two thick blankets, she had one. And she noticed how she no longer felt too warm.  Remove the blanket, don't turn on the fan seems like a good metaphor too. Focus on things that really matter, things that move the needle.  -Intimacy is one vital component in a thriving marriage but sex/biology isn't the ONLY element in marriage. Money, communication, trust, respect, children, and many other elements make up marriage.  -Faith in God, emotions and facts are powerful antidotes to fear. Anger and fear inspire for a while but love inspires forever.  -Unified spouses make better decisions than a "l do me" approach.  -Eating food (natural, from a tree/ground/animal) not manufactured (from a box/factory). Exercising regularly and eating for nutrients not dieting and counting calories.  -Living within a budget, finding resourceful inexpen

Like a horse coming home from a long trot we're tempted to run into the barn door, to finish quickly and to lose all discipline. It's imperative that we don't finish quickly but that we enjoy the process that we connect with others and that we don't lose sight of the discipline that has brought us here. Dan Cullum shared a post in November about the Barn Door effect. It resonated and impacted me so much that it's improved my decision making and caused me to reflect on it again and again.  Horses rush to enter a barn door with little restraint despite having been very disciplined before seeing the barn door.  In relationships we should be disciplined especially when we are in a hurry.  Slow down. Resolve small mistakes while they are small. Invest in discussions when it feels like there is no time to talk. Slowly worship. Take time to reflect, change your mind and pivot.  In essence: Shut the barn door. Or at least pay it no heed.  #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriag

A wife proudly wears a hockey jersey because her  husband loves hockey. The number and name on her jersey are those of her husband's favorite player.  She understands recreational companionship. Enjoying  fun, relaxing experiences together.  Recreational companionship doesn't always mean liking the same things as your spouse. Yet maybe at least be genuinely interested in what your spouse likes.  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

What's the purpose of marriage? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

A bodybuilder told me he once liked to lift for ego. Now he lifts for flexibility and balance. He wanted to be big like Arnold. Now he's trying to be like Gumby. A yelling child needs an adaptive parent, one who might listen/crack a joke/cry. No need for a forceful power struggle. An overspending spouse needs less forceful, paternal/maternal lectures and ultimatums. They need more of a flexible approach. Maybe ideas on how to buy their needs/wants with cash. Or praise for their frugal efforts. In all areas of our lives we can choose to power through it or we can choose flexible approaches that seem yoga-like but offer a more balanced and effective approach. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

It's hard to win when you give up. Others can't really feel your love unless it's truly unfailing and persevering. And it's extremely difficult to pay off debt if you don't persevere. In today's episode learn some stories about perseverance and get encouragement on how you can persevere through many difficulties. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

With the passing of Clayton Christensen and Kobe Bryant many people expressed being broken and needing to do anything and everything now to enjoy the moment because it may not last. Life does last forever and we do only live once. We live once and forever. It's important to have hope even while we mourn for those that we've loved. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Recently I read two ESPN articles that helped me understand landing well and falling softly. How do those relate to marriage? Well there's many ways to prepare yourself for the inevitable falls and challenges. And there's many people to surround yourself with. What can you do socially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Listen on. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

Every so often you meet a couple that absolutely inspires you. I found such a couple. They sacrifice and work for each other. They work together, play together and raise their family together. And during a family difficulty lasting a year, they loved more deeply. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support

God is involved in our lives but he doesn’t interfere. He’s very involved. He sends all kinds of opportunities and blessings into our lives whether we see them or not. For instance he may give us the courage to listen more effectively  or love ourselves or to love others or to forgive or forget. He may help us get better and improve, giving us strength beyond our own. But he doesn’t Insert himself. He doesn’t force his way into our lives he simply is a good father, one who helps, encourages, strengthens and heals but He’s not one to manipulate, force, or coerce. What’s your style?  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/support