Today I Learned (nothing)

It's time for Steve and his family to move, but this time, there's a twist: there might be spectral developments! As Steve ponders whether the ghost might be friendly and/or full of unfinished tasks/clerical duties, Jason begins his screenplay about a ghost realtor. Because who better to find the bodies in realty than the dead themselves? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason's wife is lovingly nursing their sweet, precious baby son, and all he can think about is how lucky the boy is to have unfettered, daily access to something he's taken for granted. Someday, this will change, but for now, he and Steve look back fondly and find themselves thankful for the mammaries. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

This week, we don't learn anything about sports! That's right, we talk about it nearly twice a year, so it's a can't miss episode! Jason hits golf balls backwards, defying physics; Steve loves the simplicity of sumo; and together, the guys talk about baseball because it's a sport that's easy to get. Give me The Rock! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve enjoys time to himself but also worries his laziness might be mistaken for bigotry. Jason avoids trying new things because the parking sucks. And together, the guys derive a new sci-fi future wherein fart vapes are the energy that run things. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Wow, is family bowling always a terrible experience or what? Fighting! Noise! Boredom! It's all there! Also, no one cares that you consider yourself to be a pro and blowing your hands dry does not keep the finger sweat from the last twenty users of that ball off your greasy chili fries. Now lace up and have a great time! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason is in no mood for porta-potties, despite his family's pleas. It's like someone is playing the Sims and is getting tired of his bathroom hangups. Steve reminds us to go through with the full character creator and don't rely on the system defaults. Somehow, this all ties together in the end. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

If you don't like talk about bugs, critters, and all things creepy crawly, this episode might not be for you. Jason put his new dad bod through Taco Bell hell, all before taking the food fight to the lice infesting his daughter's head. Not to be outdone, Steve talks about his own battles with bedbugs and the guys go on a business naming tear to wrap things up. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

As Steve and Jason strive to get back to a normal schedule (Jason's got a new kid and Steve might be moving soon), we present to you a clip show (of sorts). It's got hot tub takeovers, zipper mishaps, personal fridge courtesies, Utah's lacking porn standards, and fun bathroom strangers, all great examples of what you can expect from this random podcast. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve brings us another Bing story to remember, this time about fajita smuggling and the lives it has ruined (not a non-zero amount, BTW). In so doing, he also discovers that Jason isn't a fan of the tasty, Tex-Mex treat, and simply can't deal with that knowledge. The guys also discuss the concept of being fajita rich and just how much work is involved in enjoying this enjoyable but inefficient dish. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

TILN is heading back to the arena for more sports talk! Did you know that Portland sucks (apparently)? Seattle does (apparently) and they'll tell you 24/7. Also, the Kansas City Chiefs' fans really know how to extract the murder from a song. Finally, fear not, nerds, because your sports poster may still be well received, hashtag required or not! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve's son is on YouTube and is searching for everything from opinions on his poopy sister and questionable children's music videos. Jason doesn't understand a word of what Steve is saying. Together, they both agree to give up on making YouTube for kids. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Some old Jewish men Steve encountered in Australia made him think about the marketability of circumcision. Jason learned most of what he knows on the subject from Mel Brooks and Robin Williams films. And together, the guys craft the next big Weird Al hit. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Bathroom behavior and etiquette can be difficult to teach, especially when your own standards are found lacking. Pee wherever you want? Flush if it feels right? These are the morals that are eroding in our great nation today and Steve and Jason are doing nothing to help that. (Originally posted: March 2, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Ever consider cloning yourself? Steve’s son wants more of his dad, but his reasons aren’t exactly loving and tender. Meanwhile, Jason’s pulling all his knowledge on the subject from Multiplicity and The Prestige, so the conversation takes a turn for the zany and macabre. Finally, Steve’s wife has been watching the Island and has some ideas of her own. (Originally posted: February 23, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

While Steve talks about digestive issues at Disneyland, Jason uses his pain to develop his screenplay for a Hangover x Disney movie. It’s one of the best story ideas ever conceived, so don’t steal it. (Originally posted: February 16, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason is here with his take on three food adventures he and his stomach recently went on. Hear the banal terror that is Super Mario Cereal! Bask in the Mexican-spiced goodness that is Taco Bell’s Nacho Fries! And fear the undercooked breaded nightmare of Lidl’s Chicken Wings! Also, Steve is here to make fun of him the whole time. (Originally posted: February 9, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve’s daughter has discerning, but still lax, bathroom standards. Also, he flew with some booze-fueled football fans and it’s not an experience he wants to repeat anytime soon. Meanwhile, Jason thinks he flew with a celebrity, but it’s possible it was all in the guy’s mind. Finally, in-flight movie recommendations! (The less nudity, the better.) (Originally posted: February 2, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve takes a chance and risks losing it all for his son’s homeless man-fueled ping pong dreams, Jason remains hung-up on fast food, and both guys need to get the heck out of here before the soap operas start. (Originally posted: January 26, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve teaches us that, when you’re stuck in a fence, your tears become stronger than you realize. Jason just wants to nap, but it’s the daytime and that will break his brain. And together, the guys debate the cleanliness of your bath water (hint: it depends on where it’s been). (Originally posted: January 19, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Memory is tied to our senses in ways the guys don’t understand. Jason jumps between the soundtracks for Beverly Hills Cop and The Bodyguard when it comes to dictating his childhood. Steve finds Washington state to be EXTREMELY dank, but his need for Chinese food when Enrique Iglesias is belting out tunes means maybe we can’t trust him. (Originally posted: January 12, 2018) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support