Time For The Show

In this very special episode of Time For The Show, Dr. Faux and Caller23 interview a very special guest. Denise is both the object of, and the answer to, the Publius Enigma, and describes her story of being beaten down on a UseNet group in 1994 for events that happened in 1972. How does a pair of boxing gloves relate to Emerson Lake and Palmer? Why is Sting such a huge dick? You’ll have to listen to find out!

After Doktor Faux wrings out his towel, he decides to jump on the next freight-train out of Hypercube and takes a night off. This leaves the HyperCOMM in complete anarchy as Elvis Martini and Dok Ellis hijack the feed and throw a huge internet party full of bad connections, reverb, dropped calls and cheap audio equipment. It's an ORGY of SLACK as Time for the Show is mutated into a complete free-for-all featuring all your HyperCOMM favorites such as Lord Ferg, Cosmac, Scalpod, Marthartha, Agent Lloyd and a rotating cast of callers attempt to save the Show from itself.

Doctor Faux and his crew of scallywags embark on a starry adventure aboard a pleasure saucer to sample sounds of the universe. Peas fantasizes about the RenFair. RoboPeas beats the real Peas at Is-It-A-Band. Caller 23 proposes a doomsday machine. Peas suffers from a case of Space Happy and ejects himself from the escape hatch. Dr. Faux teaches us how to 3-point turn in a spaceship with a trailer.

Dok Faux explores all of the music that “they” don’t want you to hear. A history of the PMRC is presented and discussed. A new robot is commissioned just in time for Is-It-A-Band. Caller 23 tries to play Pokémon Go! On a Motorola RAZR plugged directly in to the wall using the cord from a box fan.

This very special episode of Time For The Show is the last for Dr. Fidd Chewley. Peas explains how to Fun-Wash history. Five players for Is It A Band. Ask Peas drags on, as usual. Dr. Faux and Fidd hold a competition to see who has the more aggravating sound effects. Nothing was learned.

Caller23 subs for YBDobbs and YBDobbs subs for Peas. Fidd Chewley blind eyes cum stains. A new robot, Rev. Codeine, is created and commissioned on the show. Top of the month means Patreon call-outs and special bonuses.

The gang discusses the Sam Stuttler PPV fight. Fidd doesn’t comment on his flame war with John MacAfee. Peas, played by Caller, disses Caller as Peas. The actual Peas shows up to apologize.

And they said robots couldn’t make music… Well, ShoRogan proves everyone wrong in this episode, as robot generated music is aired throughout. Rev. Ferg scores his first win on Is It A Band. Dr. Faux diddles while he dallies, Fidd Chewley is played by both Fidd and Caller23, and Peas shows up to talk about his teeth.

If all you wanted for Christmas this year was ten pounds of Reverend Caller #23 in a five-pound bag, then Christmas has come early for you. The role of Fidd Chewley is played by Reverend Caller #23, who reveals insights about "your fucking face", the role of "peas" is played by Fidd Chewley, and the role of Doktor Faux is played by the tenuous exterior he portrays in public to poorly hide his racist leanings. Don't listen to this episode unless you've already skipped listening to it!

If you put enough monkeys in front of enough typewriters, eventually you'll get an unmanageably hazardous amount of monkey shit. Enjoy the show.

Potassium chloride does not prevent erections.

If your ears aren't dripping with amniotic fluid after listening to this episode, then we'll give you TRIPLE YOUR DIGNITY BACK! For the entirety of this episode, Cat Feather plays the role of Fidd Chewley, Aster Six plays the role of Argus Faux, and peas plays the role of whoever plays the role of peas when peas isn't present! 60 is a highly composite number, and episode 60 of TFTS turned out to be a highly composite version of the show as exterpreted by the most capable of all proxies. HOW AUSPICIOUS! Not since banks started offering sugar-free lollipops has such an advantageous circumstance eventuated itself -- this time in an easily digestible podcast suppository! Get off your ass, sit down, and in the words of Chuck Berry's fictional cousin, "Listen to THIS!"

"... and thus the imperative which refers to the choice of means to one's own happiness, that is, the precept of Time for the Show, is always hypothetical; the action is not commanded absolutely, but only as the means to another purpose, especially when ipecac syrup is not available." -- Immanuel Kant

me and my dad make models of clipper ships i like clipper ships because they are fast clipper ships sail in the ocean clipper ships never sail in rivers or lakes clipper ships have lots of sails and are made out of wood

"Each kind of living thing, Asclepius, no matter whether mortal or immortal, rational (or irrational), whether ensouled or soulless, every one has the appearance of its kind in keeping with its relation to the kind, and although each kind of living thing possesses the whole form of its kind, within that same form each of them differs from the other. For example, although mankind is one in form, so that a human can be distinguished on-sight, each person within the same form differs from the others. For the class is divine and incorporeal, as is anything apprehended by the mind." -- Asclepius

This week, the role of peas [sic] is played by the visionary Reverend 80! The best part of having someone other than peas [sic] play the role of peas [sic] is that when we ask him who his Blind Eye is, he actually has one. After his having of the previously mentioned Blind Eye (go one sentence back if you missed it), 80, as peas [sic], joins Faux & Fidd for a riveting game of Is It a Band, which scalpod [sic] and Dok Cosmac dual-officiate, and even though two refs in the same game is kind of gay, it's 2019 and we be gettin' WOKE. There's a new weekly bit: FIDD CROW. I think it went okay but I'm typing these notes before I've heard the show, so no promises here. Hell, you people are lucky I'm not just MAKING UP the show notes like I used to do before Dok Faux told me to stop! HOWEVER COMMA Rev 80 did a breathtaking recital of The Apologies of peas [sic], and you're going to shit your ears in half when you hear it -- just don't judge us.

After begging us for weeks to let him back on the show, Rev Ivan Stang returns for his second TFTS appearance in as many years to fill the dank shoes of peas, who is absent this week on account of he was playing Chicken in the street again. Stang talks about yodeling ticks, his experience of being hired to kill Andre Agassi's ball-boy, and the fact that his dog, Buddy, is safe and sound. After a comprehensive lesson on copyright law, scalpod and Dok Cosmac join the show and fight over which one of them gets to host this week's round of "Is It a Band". Stang invents a new drinking game called "Do a Shot Every Time I Throw a Handful of Pasketti at Fidd". The game is played, causing impoverished children to cry out what little water their bodies still harbored over the waste of pasketti, which ends up being the funniest part of the show. Happy fuckin' birthday.

NEXT WEEK'S SHOW NOTES: peas comes right outta the gate spewing racist filth about the Irish. The hosts quickly turn the show into an encounter group and attempt to bring peas to the light by showing him the virulence of his hateful ways. Although the intervention was unsuccessful, the hosts got peas to cry, so this one's going in the books as a Pyrrhic victory. Fidd & Faux order a pizza and silently eat it while peas wishes upon a dandelion. They do the god-damned Blind Eye, the god-damned Is It a Band, the obligatory Crack the Sky -- all the usual bullshit -- but a new bit is introduced: Ask peas (I mean, that's not the name of the bit; I'm telling you to ask peas if you want to know), and Scalpod serves a heapin' helpin' of his prototype game, which leads Fidd to making disparaging statements of the viewers' attention spans. peas, as usual, apologizes for the show's events at the end, thereby wiping the residual shit from the baby butt that is this show. Happy fuckin' birthday.

peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui, then introduces him again, and again, then the show attempts to start, then peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui. The hosts lie about how good the show is going to be, then peas introduces his new character, Scoop McNewsgui. After playing the first song of the show, "20th Century Newsgui" by The Scoops, peas workshops a new character and names him "Scoop McNewsgui". The Blind Eye Segment turns out to be good, but it could've been better if it'd included some kind of reference to Scoop McNewsgui. Week 3 of Is It a Band is played, and Christ be damned if Scoop McNewsgui doesn't join the show for the live post-game report. In the second half, peas comes out of nowhere with a hot new idea: a Slavic character named "Scoop McNewsgui", an offering which single-handedly saves the show -- not just for THIS episode, but for perpetuity in all possible universes. As usual, peas apologizes for the show at the end of the show, but somehow forgets to apologize for inventing Scoop McNewsgui.

Listening to this episode would spoil these notes. Reading these notes would spoil this episode. You've read enough; listen NOW while there's still some meat on the show! If you think these show notes are vague, then you won't believe how mediocre this episode is!