Time For The Show

You are going to SHIT YOUR FACE when you hear this episode. This week's magic phrase is "Nariff Nariff Barungaroo". Doktor/Engineer/Doktor Faux is running the show from Hypercube HQ all by his lonesome while Fidd Chewley calls in from Tampa and Reverand [sic] peas [sic] calls in from his desert hidey-hole. The hosts attempt to play a new game, "That's Racist", but peas has to be a crybaby about the rules, so the game is abandoned in favor of the tried-and-true game, "Is It a Band". The militantism of tennis ball-boys and executive chefs is explained. Fidd Chewley wins the Kenny Floyd Memorial Award for most drunken podcruster. The entire second hour of the show is spent speculating on what kind of dress what's-her-tits is going to wear to the royal wedding.

This episode is sponsored by Flo-tato: the official life-preserver of the sovereign nation of Ireland. You are going to SHIT YOUR OWN FACE when you hear this episode. Elon Musk calls in to tell us why he'll never call in to our show. Things may not be going ideally for you, but at least your nipples don't look like pieces of half-chewed gum. Inspector Gadget is revealed to be a go-go-gadget racist! Reverend Scalpod returns to officiate this week's round of "Is It a Band?". Fidd and peas have a rare moment of mutual appreciation of each other's choices for this week's Blind Eye segment. Dok Faux basically shakes his head and reevaluates his life LIVE ON THE AIR. The militantism of tennis ballboys is revealed to be the future of the United States of Florida.

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In this episode, Fidd Chewley once again intentionally gets caught by "To Catch a Predator" in his ongoing investigation, "To Catch a Predator Catcher", and you'll NEVER BELIEVE the AGGRESSIVELY PREDICTABLE CONCLUSION!! Professional Hopscotch referee, Doktor Cosmac, joins the show halfway through to satisfy government-mandated psychological diversity requirements. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] delivers an overly-long, underly-cautious PSA. Fidd delivers a PSA of his own: if you don't do drugs, then drugs will do YOU. Doktor Faux doesn't understand either PSA and demands to be mansplained to. Peas defends his championship in our new game, "Is It a Band". We hereby apologize to our sponsors for forgetting to mention them during the show AGAIN: Adderall PM, Johnson & Johnson Human Growth Hormone, and the Make-a-Wish Foundation (please don't tell them I'm not terminally ill).

HOLY SHIT, EVERYONE -- IT'S TIME FOR THAT THING THEY CALL A "SHOW"! It's Doktor/Engineer/Doktor Faux, Reverand [sic] peas [sic], and Fidd Chewley this week in their endless campaign to preserve endangered jokes from extinction! If we don't tell these jokes, the WHO WILL?! We play our new game, "Is It a Band". Dok Faux drops a MOAB on peas's invented religion by showing that it was already invented. Fidd explains why bagpipe players get all the pus*y. The esoteric procedure & methodology of stirring hot dog food is expounded and elaborated upon. Faux's other gallbladder is a Mercedes. Fidd resolves a long-standing philosophical impasse by explaining that bad things ONLY happen to good people because they're good things when they happen to bad people. The benefits of faking cardiac arrest in front of your dog are explored. Now that you've read this entire episode description, you are no longer required to listen to the episode. Please delete it now.

It's our first episode since the Fourth of July, the date recognized the world over as the anniversary of the date Lord Donald Trump attained Constitutional Buddhahood. This week: Every other country should give up their retarded language and speak English. Doktor Faux makes the "Call of Duty" argument for patriotism, citing America's sweet K/D ratio. Stolen Valor is a felony, but Fidd Chewley knows a guy who sublets him some valor under-the-table, so it's all good. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] is doing the show EFFED-THE-EFF-UP from mixing rum with the meds he's taking for dem Shingles, and Fidd pre-emptively gives him the Kenny Floyd Award. NEW GAME: "Is It a Band?" We try to play it. It "works". By the end of the show, peas does a good job apologizing for everything except the fact that the Blind Eye segment never completely got off the ground, but that's not bad for a guy who is, as I said earlier, EFFED-THE-EFF-UP on Shingles meds and rum.

It's the EPISODE #25 CELEBRATION SPECTACULAR! Season 1 of this show is aiming to be one million episodes long, so we're celebrating the fact that we only have 999,975 episodes left in this season! Our FORMER co-host, Reverand peas [sic], wanted to be a guest on his own show so badly that he QUIT HIS SHOW just so he could come back as a guest on it-- and he did! Topics NOT covered in this episode: the 2017 Serbian presidential election, the reconciliation of Judeo-Christianity with The Church of Non-Gustatory Hydrostatism, cherry-flavored toilet paper, the over-use of hy-phens, and how to properly determine the gender of a Klein bottle (don't assume my topology.

Doktor Faux argues in favor of legalizing medical tobacco; Fidd Chewley argues in favor medicinalizing legal tobacco. Reverend Caller #23 makes a personal appearance at Hypercube Studios to discuss the tastiest scab he ever got. Faux, Fidd, and RC#23 perform a table read of a Rick & Morty script. Later in the show; Reverend 80, Apostasy X Fnord, and Reverend Couchsloth join the show to participate in the "DAG, YO" segment.

This week's pennjillettes are Reverend Couchsloth, Dok Cosmac, Cat Feather, and Cat Feather's DAD, who joins the show during the Blind Eye segment just to turn his to peas. King Engineer Doktor Faux DIDN'T PUSH "RECORD" until the second hour, so this podcast episode is only the second hour of our usual two-hour live show on Free Think Radio Dot Com. The first hour is LOST FOREVER unless you were listening to the live broadcast. This week: Are gay alligators underrepresented in congress? What would have happened if Jack would have snorted one of those magic beans? THE CULMINATION OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE HEREUNTOFORTH IS CONTAINED WITHIN THIS EPISODE!! LISTEN ALL THE WAY UNTIL THE END TO RECEIVE A COUPON FOR ADDERALL!! We are incredibly professional at doing shows.

Another Wosrt-Of episode! The stream crashed several times during the live broadcast, but we managed to scrape the resin of the show from the pipe of the soundboard, smoke it, and blow the smoke into a laptop running a sound editor. This week: Peas outlines the pros and cons of hoarding your own feces. Doktor Faux snorts a ramen noodle flavor packet for Jesus. Fidd reveals all of YOUR dirtiest secrets. Faux & Fidd talk about their recent trip to the Minor Basilica of Mary, Queen of the Universe, where the guards have handguns! The fine for smoking in an elevator in Maryland is ONLY $25! Fidd convinces peas that it's okay for him to drink on antibiotics because he's a heavyweight. Peas & Fidd get gay-married and go back to their Africa (Ireland). Doktor Faux reviews Fidd's new product: suppository cigarettes. The phrase "Cheddar Bay" should only be followed by "biscuit". Fidd won't shutup about groundhog jizz.

Who would win: one steroider, or one crackboi?? This question has plagued self-appointed dipshits since times pseudo-memorial, measured on the scale of DOZENS OF HOURS AGO, but this week's pennjillette, HMFIC Doc Ellis, breaks it all THE FUCK DOWN for y'all's. You think you're sexy enough to listen to this episode? You're probably right -- IT'S THAT BAD!! This is the first intentionally un-lost, surprise/regularly-scheduled episode in cerebro-apocalyptic history! Because Reverand [sic] peas [sic] didn't show up until mere minutes before the scheduled end of the show, we continued for A WHOLE EXTRA HOUR -- mostly just to allow peas to offer his Blind Eye submission and the fan-favorite: peas apologizes to everyone for everything ever. Uninitiated viewers are hereby admonished to approach this episode in a mature manner, not succumbing to the temptations of low-hanging toilet humor and cultish sophistry.

Peas had a tummy ache in his tooth, so his overstudy, Dr K'taden Legume, joins the show to play his part and tell us how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a cyanide pill. Fidd blind-eyes instant oatmeal for not being instant. Faux plays every version of 20th Century Man except the version peas requested.

"He who shits before he showers yet still wipes his ass is a fool." -- Book of Fidd, 2:73 For the THIRD week in a row, TIME FOR THE SHOW is rated the number one Canadian internet radio show in southeast Asian sweatshops! Jackie Robinson, the baseballist, does NOT make an appearance in this episode, but Reverand [sic] peas [sic], Doktor Faux, and Fidd Chewley manage to break the baseball color-barrier for the first time in the 21st century ALL BY THEMSELVES! We're HEROES. This is the episode where Doktor Faux makes a polygraph machine question itself, Reverand [sic] peas [sic] lobbies for the rights of melted plastic army men, and Fidd Chewley promotes his new business -- selling the unibrows of school bus drivers. This week's episode is sponsored by Family Crest, the incestuous toothpaste.

"You're gonna have to carry this one, peas!" Holy jumpin' jeeperwinks; Fidd and Faux are recovering from two straight days of eating nothing but lunar regolith and popcorn. Peas wins a free trial-size box of Lucky Charms for being the millionth customer at the whites-only nail salon. Doktor Faux runs out of toilet paper and must wipe his ass with his collection of defunct Chuck-E-Cheese tickets. Fidd elaborates on this week's life hack: how to properly chill tampons for use on hot days.

This week's pennjillette is Reverend Couchsloth, who joins in the second half of the show to confirm Fidd's spiritual diagnosis. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] can't seem to stop talking about how tort reform will affect NASA. Doktor Faux blows bubbles into the microphone in an attempt to appeal to our five-to-nine-year-old demographic. Fidd looks into the show code and discovers that robot nipples are programmed to twist themselves. The unacceptable truth that the End Times of every religion have ALREADY HAPPENED on the SAME DATE IN THE PAST is revealed. All listeners to this episode will have the overdue balances Blockbuster accounts WIPED CLEAN. You're welcome.

This week's pennjillette is Doktor Legume! On this episode, the hosts have their white privilege called out by Doktor Legume. Doktor Faux trades his family's cow for the last three Quaaludes in existence. Fidd Chewley's weekly tip for non-hemophiliacs is how to de-scramble eggs WITHOUT selling your soul to Satan. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] introduces his new line of low-impact wiffledildoes.

The sound sucked on the last show suck'd, so here's a bunch of pre-recorded stuff edited together into some kind of show-like conflagration! In this, the most un-lost-est of episodes, our pennjillette is Reverend Caller 23, in the studio for gardening tips and best practices regarding the storage of coin polish. reverand [sic] peas [sic] had a bad day and subsequently fades in and out of a Discord coma. Doktor Faux explains the perils of non-standard jar threading. Fidd Chewley offers his patented Do's-and-Dont's regarding false memory implantation. Listen to this episode seven times in a row and win an ice cube tray full of George Wasington Memorial Toothpaste!

This week's pennjillette is Cat Feather. Fidd can't correctly tune his duduk, so he purposefuly sneezes on Faux's ant farm in frustration. peas [sic] attempts to do good radio; he is immediately corrected and punished by Faux and Fidd. Co-solipsists, Dok Cosmac and Not-That-Bob Dapper, join the show in the second hour, but soon run home crying to their mommies and TELLING ON US! By the end of the show, Penitent Man is once again the only one who passes.

The whole point of doing the show live is to AVOID HAVING TO EDIT, but Fidd and Faux had to be in the OTHER studio during showtime this week, so we committed the ultimate Time for the Show sin by PRE-RECORDING A SHOW! That's right, for the first time ever, this episode is actually a pre-prepared show, which gave us the chance to do things somewhat differently than usual, namely the inclusion of some prank calls by Faux and Fidd. The usual peas/Fidd/Faux circle-jerk was recorded the night before, much later than we normally do the show live, which explains why peas was DRUNK from minute one and passes out before the session is over. PEAS IS DRUNK ON THIS EPISODE, but it's okay; he felt really bad about it the next morning and apologized to me and told me not to make a big deal about it.

Fidd and Faux only have a few hours to bill to the show, so Peas joins them and special guest Reverend Caller who has somehow gained access to the main gate at Hypercube Labs. It only takes a few minutes, but the guys over-come the shadow of the ECHO-FIDD before tearing off onto how Peas […]