Sea Hags Podcast

So much is happening and so much nothing is happening! Here is a second remote-recorded episode, with one host in the studio and the other in East Anglia. Since recording, the idiot foreign correspondent has been repatriated to Canada, safely and in once piece, to begin quarantine. MORE LIKE BORE-ANTINE. We’re doing our best.

Desperate times call for special measures. The Sea Hags are back, albeit remotely, to bring you a bi-continental chat about friendship in the time of ugghhhhhhhhh.

Hoist yer butt right up to the noozle! An OG hag joins us this week, Michelle Wishart, a guest nearly three years in the making – she corroborates our whale story (how validating), and describes her erotic encounters with Prince Adam of Eternia. NSFP not safe for parents.

Right off the top, let’s be clear that the title is not some historical reference, we begin with C bombs right away and it does not stop! Those delicate of ear, turn away! We live for spicy water, highway terlets, and scheming. We debrief our self-sustaining travel and fantasize the ultimate solo trips.

Perhaps our first guest whose name is also a sentence, comedian Gina Harms cooks with us in the solar oven that is our studio shanty shack in the summer. She sells seashells. She schools us about modern classic The O.C. (mmmm whatcha say), and we grill her on her fantasy adoptive parents.

Karen New, composer and one member of our White Knuckling the Dodger chorus, is in the (literally, extremely, very) hot seat this week. She joins us to muse about the relationship between one’s taste and one’s skill in art, and the paralysing fear of feedback. Buzzwords for this episode - Awkwardtunity, polyphony, flugelhorn.

Our guest this week is a beam of light in human form, it’s the wonderful, vulnerable, talented Megan Phillips! We half-celebrate, half-bemoan the demise of Vancouver restaurants with distinctly hostile service, confuse a Burger King sign for the full moon, and squeal over bullet journals. Megan juggles an imaginary soceress’s bosom and explains Dolphins vs. Otters. We all fall in love a little bit!

Chris had an enriching, exciting week, and Katie just has… her period. It’s a hilarious blend of disparate energies until we start spitballing all the various and sundry ways that we could make our podcast be not such a bad podcast. Or, to use more positive terminology, how to make something that actually has an elevator pitch. What would you do if ______ wasn’t in the way?

Il n'y a pas d'invité cette semaine! Just us chickens, lounging by the Jersey Stretch Shore. We have recorded ourselves supposedly “turning over a new leaf”, a move that will surely serve to embarrass us when we are invariably back on our respective bullshit later. Physical, practical, and metaphorical cleansing occurs between blasting the Goofy Movie soundtrack and plotting future book club outings. (cw - diet/body/weight talk)

We’re getting gother than usual this week with newly minted Death Doula, Chelsey Blair! We discuss doula-ing at the beginning and end of life (and how it’s messed up there’s no doula for all the tough stuff in between), Medical Assistance in Dying, and the sorry business of regrets. We also make time to bully pompous academics while BEING pompous academics. Chris does a Chowder Crawl Clam Slam in the place where they done did made a Twilight.

Well, well, well, look who finally visited from the BIG CITY, it’s big city bigshot Kaitlin Fontana! She just got off a plane from NYC (hey, i’m flyin’ here!) and came right to the shack to catch us up on all the glorious debauchery she’s currently involved in, such as showing a pilot at Sundance, getting women hired into creative positions, and… oh yeah, writing a series about polyamory for Chatelaine! Truckin’ and fuckin’. We get very NSFW in the second half, so this is not one for Gam Gam and Pop Pop.

This week, we’re joined by local stand-up darling Randee Neumeyer! We discuss true crime (obviously, we’re 3 women on a podcast), ghost stories, being a food services shithead, and how Randee’s dad has only ever cried once–over a youtube video of a lion. Go see Randee’s monthly show The List at Little Mountain Gallery in East Van! It’s on this Friday, April 27.

Super cool babe Marta Wesselhoff join us for her second turn on the show. We recollect Canadian PSAs to American expat Marta’s confusion (blessed are they who know not Astar), unpack the ghost-angel dichotomy, and throw Chris in the ocean for her own good. Cover up your downstairs mouth, because Marta is a cop. No, wait, she’s not a cop. Is she? Because we have an excess of laudanum on this episode, and I am NOT going back to jail.

We are better Red than dead with our 2nd time guest, Red Heartbreaker! We remember our first email addresses, get the chardanotes on chardonnay, pop plosives, and bemoan the grossness of feelings. Red tells us about her experience with EMDR for trauma (tw for folks dealing with PTSD), and we look for temples for the secular life.

Lauren Martin returns for her third visit to the podcast, having made a small human in the intervening period! We hit our most stereotypical points - astrology, mindfulness, witch camp, negative feelings, mom fights and how hard it is to make art. Lauren is pitching her short documentary to Storyhive, so check it out here! Voting starts April 3rd!

​Standup comic and man with a barbeque AND a penis (we think that’s hetero for cis?) Gavin Clarkson joins us to flail around to create ANY content. Gavin and Katie’s bad show was cancelled the evening of our recording and we’re riding that wave of fail vibes. We develop our most condensed identities–horny scienceman, “lady” protester, and West Wing Blazer. OK, that last one’s a last minute editorial. ILU, Chris.

After an extended absence and some banked shows, the gals are back in town! No guest this week, because we haven’t seen each other in a month and have so much to catch up on. We’re talkin’ travel, and all the challenges and benefits getting the hell out of dodge can bring. Chris relates her relaxing jaunt down the Oregon Coast, and Katie spews all her giddy somethings about a magical trip to Harry Potterville (aka the dubiously united kingdom). It’s two years since our first episode was released! Yay!

Jackie Hoffart returns to the podcast this week for a sedate lil visit, and we discover just how much of a wild and wonderful life she’s lived! Since her last episode, she’s chalked up a few major life milestones, and we consider how these kinds of events should be what she terms Life Save Points–you can go back if you screw it up! Oh, if only. We also talk our own rottin’ bodies, the romance of the german language and extensive life planning, and the magic of capes.

We are talking accessibility this week with the marvelous Laurie Landry, an artist and a real, honest to goodness Deaf person! She’s the first to point out the irony of her appearing on an audio medium, but as you can see, we’ve transcribed the whole durn thing. Laurie discusses her love of TV and film, and the lack of adequate accommodation–those CC devices, it turns out, kind of suck. We also get into other areas of (in)justice, ways of communicating, and cool art you can check out at the VAG. Hehe.

We’ve got a token Straight White Man on our lineup this week, welcome Matt! Haha. Welcome Mat. Matt. You get it. We’re surprised the olympics happened, we get VERY regional and describe the tri-cities, and we get into that good good masculinity talk with a dip into Netflix’s new Queer Eye (Matt loves Antoni, SURPRISE). Katie is, as usual, a sexy gender priest.