Blue Babies Pink By Brett Trapp

Brett's final thoughts on the journey of Blue Babies Pink...

NOTE: This is the finale of Blue Babies Pink. If you haven't read the previous 43 episodes, please do that before listening to Episode 44. Also, after listening to this one, be sure to check out the Epilogue for the final wrap-up. 

"I sprinted down that path, through the trees, all the way out to the boat dock—heaving, shaking, and sobbing as I ran. I felt like I might choke, fighting for breath. My face poured wet salt onto the summer grass below..."

"I began to think a lot then about the role of a spouse, of a companion. I'd never been in anything close to a meaningful relationship, and I'd slammed the door on love years before, so I was clueless about it all."  

"My whole life, I'd been taught that God's design for the world was men and women getting married and making babies. This formed family units which were the building blocks of society. So it made sense that the institution of marriage would lead to great human flourishing."

Brett appears on a Christian TV show and disaster strikes...

"March 14 was the day I thought God cursed my testicles..."  

"And while death is inevitable, we still have to live. We still have to do our best to use our lives well. This is one of the great paradoxes of life: That our time on earth is both utterly precious and completely insignificant."

"Every wedding was a little funeral for me. I held a little sad ceremony in my heart...a ceremony for one..."

Trip(s) to the ER...

"For the first time I began to wonder if this—all of this—was about more than sexuality. I began to wonder that maybe I'd been focused on the wrong thing all along. I began to wonder if this was more about the junk I'd been ignoring, than the one glaring thing that had consumed me for so long. And maybe—just maybe—if I could find some peace there, I could find peace everywhere..."

Thoughts on singleness and paying people to touch you...

"When I understood that, I realized most of my stresses in life came from this subterranean sense of self-hate that I carried around with me each day. Being unaware of the self-hatred inside of you is like walking through life with a backpack full of dead skunks. The stink is coming from you, but you're convinced it's everyone else's problem."

"And I believed that, if God wanted to love me—to hug me—He'd do it through my community. His people would surround me. They'd carry me. They'd love and encourage me on hard days. They'd push me forward when I couldn't walk anymore. God uses community to sustain us when we can't sustain ourselves. I learned that then."

Brett devises a two-part plan to survive as a gay Christian...

"And so sometime around 30, I slammed the door. I slammed the door on love..."

Brett has the hardest coming out conversation of his life + a lesson on how to respond when your child comes out to you...

"Jesus was so kind to me that day. He was so kind to send me a friend like Kelly. He was so kind to prepare that moment and those biscuits and that gravy. It's easy to get caught up in the ways God has let us down. And then, His grace comes crashing down—kamikaze-style—right into our lives when we least expect it. It is a glorious explosion."

Brett travels to Europe with a friend + an unforgettable night in London's oldest pub (NOTE: This episode is highly visual, and audio listeners are highly encouraged to visit the Episode 27 link on bluebabiespink.com to see the photos.)

Can God make a gay person straight?