Riverdo's And Riverdon'ts

Season 3 catches a nasty case of the "oh fuck we only have a couple episodes left," and the hosts of RDARD are left heads a-spinning. Then something truly horrifying happens when we catch a glimpse into the soul-destroying, eldritch truth at the heart of Riverdale's blighted and accursed creative process. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

Listen to us suffer. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

I'm a bit worried about this one. I basically don't remember anything we talked about, other than how I feel like Euphoria (a show that isn't Riverdale) makes me feel yucky. I think we strayed from the topic a lot because of how awful this episode was, but I am seriously not sure. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

At long last, RDARD returns to a shitty, exhausting slog of an episode! Our Riverdale tolerance break has left us a quivering pile of exposed nerves, with naught but a hideous ravaging by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa to look forward to. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

It turns out to be definitive: An episode that sucks out loud is easier to suffer through than an episode that sucks silently. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

This is an extremely bad episode where they can't even come up with enough terrible, unmotivated false conflict and have to recycle a shit plotline from within the same episode. Riverdale is a bad show. But Arlie says something really funny, so we're good. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

I'd love to say "Riverdale's back, baybee!", but honestly this episode just eats a party shit sub, one bite at a time, without breaking eye contact with the viewer or taking a single drink of water, or even gagging a little. It's crazier than the last episode, and thus slightly more entertaining, often by accident, but Riverdale's just sunk in the snot bog, quality-wise, at this point in Season Three. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

An episode that is both boring and relentless, somehow at the same time. Thrill, as a bunch of dumb shit that doesn't matter happens! I'm sorry folks, we're doing our best. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

Riverdale is like Bizarro-Town, or so we're told. And this episode of RDARD is very much the strange mirror-twin of the previous one-- listen to find out how! Also, listen to find out what the fuck the title means. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

The episode wasn't so bad... OR SO IT SEEMED. Come for the wild insanity of the plot, stay for Quinn achieving a very high power level. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

This episode is wretched and deeply frustrating, but don't you worry-- the cast of Riverdo's and Riverdon'ts is ready to kick it into an entirely different gear to force entertainment into this non-entertainment-shaped aperture. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

Buckle up, folks, this is easily one of the worst episodes yet. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

The misery continues as everyone is dumb and nearly all action is unmotivated. However, there are some good things here, like the shark-jumping potential getting supercharged, and some gnarly new stupid names. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

In our experience, there are 2 kinds of shitty Riverdale episodes. One is the kind that's boring and painful to get through. The other is shitty in a way that generates utter chaos in the ensuing conversation and analysis. This Riverdale episode is the second kind of shitty Riverdale episode. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

So, probably the weirdest thing about this episode is how the writers, with a shocking degree of consistency, set up a scene, escalate it, Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

You'd think that a 90's homage mixed with a bizarre take on the Satanic Panic of the 80's mixed with what seems like a preoccupation with the good Nightmare on Elm Street movie would be weirder than the episode after it, which takes us back to the main timeline. You'd be dead mcfucking wrong. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

What happens when the 80's, the 90's, and Riverdale all have a bunch of nasty, unprotected sex? This episode is what. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

RDARD emerges from its eternal slumber to dissect a surprisingly shitty episode, full of cursed horny energy. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

Never fear, RDARD listeners. The lukewarm sluggishness of the previous episode is gone in a whirl of road dust as Season Three's second episode does a sick burnout and just throws EVERYTHING at EVERYONE. Thrill! As we discover how Archie is similar to a doughnut. Be Mesmerized! As two increasingly absurd plot lines threaten to collide catastrophically with one another. And... Listen! To our cool podcast, thank you so much. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)

After what feels like an eternal incarceration in the Ostowverse, we're back to the TV show! Quinn and Rob are joined by Arlie to unfold what promises (at least early on) to be the wildest and most baffling season of Riverdale yet. Thrill as we witness the absolute burial of Riverdale: Get Out of Town's canonicity and join us in our struggle to pull any meaning from this shockingly disposable season opener. Music: Josh Woodward - Faded War (Instrumental)