Battlecast Presented By Meltdown Comics

Woooo Nelly, another one of our hilariously short seasons down the ol' drain again with an episode so long is sure to break records or at least your attention span. Battle Royale means we get to use our characters WITH WHOM we've won througout the season- another even season with each of the boys coming to the plate with 3- Dan's rag tag crew of ragamuffins in Pablo Escobar, Master Chief, and Ant Man. James's bunch of bawdy brawlers is Hillary Clinton, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Caprica 6. Andy's slew of soldiers is  Rick (of Rick and Morty), Nightcrawler (not Jake Gyllenhaal), and President Nicolas Cage (waht?).   Never wear Battlecast without the Blue. Warning: Go into this one with an open analogy-box.

Today on Battlecast, the boys try to piss off the non-present (for the first time ever) Dan by doing a Futurama episode in his absence. It worked a little. Friend of the show Alex guest judicates. It's leader of the mutants Raoul (Andy) vs. Bender's good-twin Flexo (James) vs. kung-fu fighting space pilot Leela (Dirk). They all enrolled at Mars University for this one, kiddos. Also in true BC form, we talk about crapping our pants and handjobs. ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAST. Warning: It's like we haven't aged a day.

BOOM SHOW CAMEO! It's Jon Bailey of HONEST TRAILERS. They're trailers, and they're honest. Go watch them. "Honest Trailers are awesome." -Andy aka a guy who doesn't like 99.9999% of things. James is absent today, but we somehow manage to seem pathetic anyway. Ahhh just kidding James, you're great. Today its two characters who you've probably never even considered thinking about meeting each other. It's drug kingpin and failed politician Pablo Escobar (Dan) vs. potentially androidical future-cop and main character of Blade Runner and the Philip K. Dick novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep", Rick Deckard (Andy). Dirk judicates and the ol' wheel put us in Big Boss's Mother Base from the new (really solid [get it?]) Metal Gear Solid Game. In certain cultures it is actually considered a compliment to Battlecast at the dinner table after eating a meal. Warning: Epic voice by epic guest.

Today on Battlecast: Andy judicates our battle in a place from a show no one's ever watched. It does actually sound pretty solid though. Twin Peaks. Dan picks one of his most nostalgia-serving characters yet. Master Chief (Dan). You remember Halo parties with your boys, getting into latently homosexual antics around a 27 inch CRT tv. Was that just Dan? Oh well. On to James. He made a very controversial [you'll see why] move in picking Maleficent (James). It's got all the spine-tingling twists and turns of a lazy river!!! I don't wanna waiiiit. For our Battlecasts to be ovvvver. Warning: Jamesy want his ba-ba?

Guys I'm really tired and kinda jacked up from the motorcycle accident you'll hear about on this episode so I'm gonna keep this short. Sorry for being a gayby. It's America's national treasure Nick Cage (Andy) vs. stealth alien commando Predator (Dirk for Dan). All goes down on capitol hill 'cause like we keep current with news and stuff. We motion for a Battlecast. All in favor? The nays have it. Warning: Wear a helmet.

It's election season! The only season that lasts the duration of like 25 normal seasons! We love it! And to prove how much we love politics and what-not, we're pitting the might Apprenticer himself, Donald Trump (Andy), vs. Hillary "Hill-Dawg" Clinton (James). Today the wheel of destiny lands on a map from Blizzard's newest MOBA [you know, games like League of Legends and DOTA] to hit the streets, Heroes of the Storm. Houston, we have a Battlecast. Warning: Try not to smaste anything gross.

"I barely even remember recording that episode."   -Andy   This week it's the star of Red Dead Redemption, John Marston (Dan) vs. the blonde Cylon from Battlestar Galactica, Caprica 6 (James).   It's the ciiiiiiiircle of Battlecast. Warning: Battlecasters be cheatin'.

Today on Battlecast we throw James a welcome home party. Well not so much a party as much as we graciously allowed him to still be on the show. We're guest heavy today with an old friend of the show, a new friend of the show, and the spirit of Christmas Future.   It's WWE Pretty-boy The Rock (James sort of) vs. the slitheriest shadow-dancer of the X-Men, Nightcrawler (Andy sort of), battling in the weirdest most demented (and not to mention Andy's favorite topic of discussion) place one could ever imagine. Dan's dreams. What a country! Stop, drop, and listen to Battlecast. Warning: Record number of Ds dropped.

Ant-Man (Dan) was pretty dang good. Go check it out. Also bring this episode of Battlecast in on a boom box and blast it 90s style. Also while listening to Tom Waits (Dirk) on a Walk-Man. James is still out of town. We actually vaguely miss him. He's in Germany, and that's where our Battleground gon' be this week too. Fill the reservoir with floating black balls, it's Battlecast season

WHEN TWO TIME TRAVELING DUOS SPILL BREW, WHO WILL DO TRAVAILING IN TIME TO WIN?!? It's just the three musketeers today. Not that other guy. Ummmm. James! Yeah James. That guy. Is some'a our faves today. Rick and Morty (Andy) vs Doc and Marty (Dan) battling in a game that Dan and Dirk have been playing wayyyy to much'a. Rocket League. Enjoy.Awwwwwww, biiiiiiitch, it's Battlecast

It's season 7 yay woo rad awesome. After 6 seasons, you don't have time to caps lock exclamations.Fraggle Rock is rad. It's the battleground. Roger Rabbit (Andy) is classic and awesome. He's a combatant. Buffy (James) was mildly watchable and inexplicably much beloved. She's fightin' too. Battlecastin' time.ARE YOU READY TO RAAAAAWK???! Us neither.Warning: Lotsa TV show talk.

Congratulations to us on our 64th episode! It was like two months ago, but now we're finally celebrating it with one of our vaguely famous 'tween season Specials. It's 4 all time N64 faves: Turok (Dan) vs. Banjo Kazooie (Dirk) vs. James Bond (Andy) vs. Waluigi (James) It's guest judicated by fantasy novelist and overall man of mystery, Elnath Trev-dawg Shanks of the CurseBorn Sage. He spun the wheel that landed us on Koopa Troopa Beach from Mario Kart 64. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Battlecast? Warning: Andy sexualizing video game characters again.

It's that magical time of year again where cosplayers roam the streets, and we get drunk and roam the Comic Con floor and say things we'll probably regret later. Later as in now. It's Dan, Dirk, Andy, James, and Dave with a smattering of battles with people dressed as things. COMIC CON 2015 WOOOOOOOOO.

Dan - "I'm drunk, James, do you wanna write the copy for this week's episode." James - "Yesh." It's that time y'all! Andy brings his pitiful bunch of nobodies: Cthulhu, Gypsi Danger, and Buckaroo Banzai in an attempt to ruin this episode. Dan fronts with his crew: Mad Max (not the cool new one), One of the Battletoads, and the awesome Geralt of Rivia so he can try and seem relevant. James However knows how to pick some characters. James’ posse consists of agent extraordinaire Ari Gold, the unkillable Jason Vorhees, and the granddaddy of them all Mickey Mouse. If James doesn't win this it rigged. Battlecast urbody!!   Make sure you've updated to the latest version of Battlecast to avoid compatibility issues. Warning: Dirk's 5 week plan.

Today on the show James ruins everything. Poor planning on his part left us having to delay for the Battle Royale for which we're all waiting. That'll be next week. In the meantime, we bring you a whole buncha good topics such as Corn Nuts, older ladies, and thoughts on the Oculus Rift. For the battle itself, Dan and Andy butt their buttheads twice in a row for two quick-fought fights. First it's Zorro (Dan) vs Robin Hood of Men in Tights (Andy), and then it's Parappa the Rapper (Andy) vs Crash Bandicoot (Dan). All we wanna do is have some fun. Until the sun comes up over Battlecast Boulevard. Warning: Stinky snackfoods are stinky.

Today on the show we welcome esteemed guests and damn fine podcast moguls, Anthony Silva and Ashley Taylor of the Pixelated Geek network. You've probably heard us talk about these two before. They're rad.Andy wusses out and makes Anthony battle for him (ok really Anthony just wanted to battle. Big time.), and he chose everyone's favorite Street Fighter, Ryu (Anthony4Andy). Dan chose one of his favorite team of NES originating amphibians, The Battletoads (Dan). And what an odd twist of events! We're battling in the completely unexpected floor of E3?!? WHADDUYAH KNOW!!!Careful of the thorns. Battlecast has a lot of pricks.Warning: Apple or PC?

Did you guys hear?! Nintendo is going to build a wing at Universal Studios. Whaaaaaaat? So needless to say, that's our battleground this week. It's cannibal serial killer Hannibal Lecter (James) vs. this super obscure 80s movie character that Andy apparently is real into all of a sudden, Buckaroo Bonzai (Andy). Something something something Battlecast. Warning: Conjecture and hear-say.

Dan's drunk so he's gonne keep this short. Ari Gold (James) from Entourage vs. Harry Hart (Dan) from Kingsman. Two subjectively bomb-ass pieces of fiction. Go watch them. The battleground is Big Trouble in Little China. Andy's on an 80s kick. Put the lime in the Battlecast and drink it all up. Warning: Probably more porn talk. Sorry.

WE LOVE ANNEKE!!! Y'know, Dirk's fiance. Also a super heroine that will forever go unnamed. Butt-Stuff Girl! She's on the episode. This week we do some things. Like eat candy and talk about racism and porn. Sounds boring right? WRONG! Dan is really not sober so he calls in his trusty Dirk to do his bidding. Andy chooses one of the greatest action stars that Gen X never knew it missed, Kung Fury (Andy). Dirk picks the bro-tagonist from the game that everyone is raving about right now, Geralt of Rivia (Dirk) aka The Witcher. James spun the wheel that definitely exists and it put us in Quahog, Rhode Island- the home of the Griffin Family from the ever-polarizing Family Guy. Ten thousand years in a Battlecast will give you such a crick in the neck! See a chiropractor before symptoms worsen. Warning: Olympic-level Candy Mouth-Catching

Hey you guys! A girl was on the show again!!! However she is married. And she's James's sister. Time for some dirt, right? Mayyyyyybe. Today's battle pits the famous video game character from Kingdom Hearts, Mickey Mouse (James) vs. that dragon thing from those Peter Jackson movies, Smaug (Andy). Dan just watched Chappie, so we added Neill Blomkamp's South Africa/District 9 to the wheel and whadduyuh know, it picked itself. 4 out of 5 dentists choose Battlecast. And the 5th one brushes with baking soda. Ew. Warning: TOO MUCH "HOMEWARD BOUND" TALK IS THE EXACT RIGHT AMOUNT