Welcome To Patchwork

  • Autor: Vários
  • Narrador: Vários
  • Editor: Podcast
  • Duración: 105:27:54
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Sinopsis

**Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019**Have you ever wondered if its acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then youre in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

Episodios

  • Patch #98 - How Generously Should You Spread Butter On Toast?

    22/02/2022 Duración: 36min

    Josh wonders why Christian and Dion chose to print their name while signing the pair of elf slippers ew auctioned off. Turns out Christian would rather get a celebrity print their name rather than sign it.We all agree that shopping centre interactive maps are very confronting and give you a false sense of security until you instantly get lost at the corner of the National Geogrpahic and JB Hi-Fi wondering if you were meant to turn right or turn due South. It's Dion's turn for 'Good at / Bad at' this week and he's shocking at buttering bread. Most of this turns out to be an issue with hard blocks of butter so I feel we can let Dion off lightly for this one.With very special guest 'Wheel of Fortune Cookie' and 'Really Good'.Don't forget - Our huge 100th Episode special live recording at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival is on sale now!Josh also has 2 Game Boys shows on sale as well 'Escape to the Megaverse' and 'Hey Hey It's The Butterfly Club'!Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can su

  • Patch #97 - Would You Accept A Reward For Finding A Lost Pet?

    08/02/2022 Duración: 37min

    Josh attempts (and fails) to set the record straight about drinking Dion's beer - turns out he's technically correct, the best kind of correct, but morally bankrupt. Christian's shares his latest get rich quick scheme which is pet-napping. We also realise that losing your wallet isn't anywhere near as bad as it once was.Dion discovers that his work colleague owns the same pair of shoes that he does and he is filled with shame and regret. He is also the only one of us to have experienced this phenomenon, not only with shoes, but with other items of clothing as well. What a basic bitch.With very special guests 'Copy Cat' and 'Time to Think'.Our huge 100th Episode special live recording at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival is on sale now!Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show

  • Patch #96 - Is It Uncool To Plan An Overseas Trip In A Spreadsheet?

    25/01/2022 Duración: 30min

    We're back baby! With a very special announcement and some classic Patchwork. There's bones to be picked and befores to get started. Christian takes issue with Josh trying to sell some Elf Slippers online which spirals into some hairbrained scheme of Christian's to list brand new clothes online the day he buys them. We also dive deep into what things make us feel cool and also uncool. One universal truth we seem to land on that there is something particularly cool about sunglasses. With very special guests 'Scrolling through time' and 'Time to Think'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #95 - A Very Patchwork Christmas 2021

    21/12/2021 Duración: 37min

    Merry Christmas Patchworkers! In our annual Christmas episode we cover the Christmas menu. How fixed is your families Christmas menu? Do new dishes ever make it on? Christian has been trying (and failing) to add vegan dishes to his heavily Italian Christmas to no avail. Maybe 2021 will be the year.Christian also lays down his patented 'Gift Giving Guide' - it's all you'll ever need to figure out what to buy someone for any occasion. There's also a visit from Santa and a very special young boy...With very special guests 'Ho Wow', 'Time to Think' and 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #94 - How Urgently Do You Fill Up A Low Petrol Tank?

    14/12/2021 Duración: 39min

    There's yet another twist to the saga of Samantha the turtle! Let's hope Josh stops milking a lost turtle for content, after this week.We find out who among us holds the record for 'most times car has completely run out of petrol' and how lazy they are. We fully cover our strategies for filling our tanks including some more life hacks from Dion's dad. We also try out a new segment called 'Good at, Bad at'. Josh is up this week and we explore how useless he is with interior decorating but conversely how amazing he is with building IKEA furniture. Sounds like some sort of Monkey Paw trade off - he can make the furtniture but has no idea what will look good in his room.With very special guests 'Never Scene it' and 'Time to Think'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patr

  • Patch #93 - What’s The Furthest You’d Walk To An Event?

    30/11/2021 Duración: 33min

    Turns out that Dion hates a meandering walk but Christian and Josh love to go for a trot - conversation ensues. We find out our limits for how far we're willing to walk and under what conditions. Christian also reveals something shocking about his feet.We also take a trip to the tuck shop and reminisce about our old tuck shop orders and most likely what we'd order now as adults.Josh gives us an update on the Turtle saga for those who followed that story on our instagram.With very special guests 'Patchword of the day', 'Time to Think' and 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #92 - How Should You Pass The Time Whilst Waiting For A Food Delivery?

    16/11/2021 Duración: 32min

    We discuss if it's ok to simply hang up a phone call while it's ringing, or if you should let it ring out to be polite. Christian thinks that under no circumstance can you hang up and he takes us through his '4 ring classification system'. We also delve into what kind of activities are permitted to be undertaken while waiting for your food delivery to arrive. Dion apparently loves to do a bit of a backyard prune!Josh also delivers the second part of his story about Kamahl. This installment details what it's like trying to use modern technology with an 87 year old singer.With very special guests 'Oh Wow', 'Never Scene It' and 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #91 - How I Became Friends With Kamahl

    02/11/2021 Duración: 33min

    Christian picks a bone with Josh's tuneless whistling. We discuss what we've been up to since lockdown has lifted here in Melbourne. Number one post lockdown activity on Dion's list was a hair cut - is that weird? I rekon it's a bit weird. Christian is desperate to get into a store and sit on a couch as he seeks to furnish his new place and Josh just wants to do the boring thing of 'socialising' - what a commie bastard!Josh also regales us with the story of how he became friends with Kamahl. Kamahl has had a very interesting life and has some wild stories to tell, can't wait to share them with you!With very special guests 'Zoo Crew' and a different twist on 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/list

  • Patch #90 - Are You Ever The First Person To Clap?

    19/10/2021 Duración: 36min

    How confident are you in being that first person to put their hands together at the end of a performance? It's a big risk, what if you get it wrong? They'll boo you out of the theatre, probably. We also critique those pointless empty gestures like pretending to pick something up that's fallen over when you have absolutely no intetion at all to follow through. Why would you bend over like a chump when someone else will, and by faking it you still get credit for trying. Just don't pause and hover halfway down like Dion's friend did. We also get a quick 'sausage in glass jar' update and Josh picks a bone with Christian's policy on washing glassware.With very special guests 'Mad Lifts' and 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopat

  • Patch #89 - Should You Peel The Foil Entirely Off A Dip?

    05/10/2021 Duración: 36min

    We talk animal shelters, flat tyres and delivery estimate etiquette. Josh clumisly wades into dog eugenics while Christian can't stop talking about sexy dogs.We also go deep on dip. Should the foil stay or go once the seal has been broken? We just can't decide, what do you rekon? We also discover that Dion has shocking sour cream application technique.With very special guests 'Wheel of Fortune Cookie' and 'Really Good'.Josh's 'Game Boys' Melbourne Fringe show 'Hey Hey It's Lockdown' is on 8pm Friday 8th and 15th.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #88 - What Turns A Catch-Up Into A Night Out?

    21/09/2021 Duración: 37min

    "The boys are back in town, the boys are back in towwwnnnn." *sung to the tune of "Boys Are Back In Town".While we've been hating our lives in lockdown, Dion's been gardening and ruminating on what could've been if he'd ever got a job at Bunnings. We give some advice to a Patreon in need whose housemate is taking way too much credit for recommending she try oat milk. We also tackle the age old question of what is required for an evening to be considered a 'night out' rather than just a catch-up. Heavy weight stuff in this one.With very special guests 'Sound Check' and 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Lockdown Update

    16/09/2021 Duración: 05min

    Hello Patchworkers, it's been too long! Sorry for not communicating clearly with you as to what's been going on with the show. The short version is: 'it's been a bit shit during lockdown here in Melbourne, hasn't it?'.A juicy update for you all as we get back into it! Patchreons, keep an eye on the Patchreon feed for a big chat about how we've been feeling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #87 - Do You Need To Leave A Light On When Someone Leaves The House?

    03/08/2021 Duración: 33min

    'What is the purpose of the front porch light if not to be left on for members of the household currently out of the house!?' says Josh indignantly during this episode. He's sick of fumbling with his keys while Christian sits inside laughing at how much electricity he's saving. The trio also ponder what's required of both parties when someone turns up to your house before you're ready. We also settle on our dream jobs if we were to have lived back in the Wild West in a frontier town and take a visit to Melbourne Zoo. I also change grammatical person throughout this show description. With very special guest 'Surreally Good' off the back of a listener request.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #86 - What Is A Reasonable Reaction To Seeing A Mouse?

    20/07/2021 Duración: 29min

    What is the etiquette surrounding after hours emails? Is there such a thing as an over-enthusiastic active listener? And Dion is shocked by Christian and Josh's reaction to seeing a mouse in their house - you won't believe what he says! With very special guests 'Sound Check and of course 'Really Good'.Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #85 - Whose Responsibility Is It To Remove Tissues From Pockets Before A Wash?

    06/07/2021 Duración: 29min

    How do you apply sauce to your food? Are you a side or top saucer? Can you defer a house tour? What do you point out when giving someone a tour of your house? Whose responsibility is it to check pockets for tissues before a wash? Do you enjoy the feeling of a warm towel after a shower? With very special guests, Oh Wow, Mad Lifts and of course Really Good.    Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #84 - How Much Water Should You Add To An Empty Shampoo Bottle?

    22/06/2021 Duración: 36min

    Dion encourages thieves to steal his car; Josh takes a nap, fully clothed; we discuss the lengths we all go to when using up the last little bits of a product and we help another listener who calls in to the Patchwork Helpline.With very special guests, Copy Cat, and Wheel of Fortune Cookie.Also a new live show is announced - Melbourne Podcast Festival August 1st! Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-patch every-second week. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #83 - Do You Have A Strategy For Finding A Car Spot?

    08/06/2021 Duración: 38min

    Josh and Christian argue over a dinner order that never came to fruition; what is your strategy for finding a car spot? what is your desert island vegetable? what prompts you to leave an online review?    With very special guests, Oh Wow and 'Nearly' Good. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #82 - Can You Ask A Friend To Put Their Phone On Silent?

    25/05/2021 Duración: 28min

    If you buy someone a lottery ticket and they win a prize, are you entitled to the rewards? Can you flip another person's phone over if it's distracting? Can you turn that same phone onto silent mode? Dion tells us the real story behind his Dad's Italian leather jacket swindle.    With very special guests, Welcome to the Ad Break, Quiet In The Library and, of course, Really Good.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #81 - How Should You React When Someone Uses A Word You Don't Know?

    11/05/2021 Duración: 32min

    Josh calls out Dion's birthday hypocracy; how do you remember to say happy birthday to somone? What is your reaction to someone who uses a word you don't know? Plus we open the Patchwork Helpline for the very first time and see if we can help a Patchworker cross the line from client to friend with his physiotherapist.  With very special guests, Quick Quiz and Really Good.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  • Patch #80 - Is It OK To Leave A Live Performance Early?

    27/04/2021 Duración: 49min

    Recorded LIVE on April 18, 2021 at Comedy Republic as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Is it acceptable to leave a live event early? What should you do if you stop next to someone you know at the traffic lights? What are you responsibilities to others when leaving a room? With very special guests, Oh Wow of the week, Scrolling Through Time, Wheel of Fortune Cookie, DJ Drop from Prince Phillip's Funeral and of course, your Really Goods!Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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