Listen, Learn & Love Hosted By Richard Ostler

My friend Dr. Ryan Anderson (Ph.D., married father of 4, active LDS, was on episode 443) talking about his groundbreaking book “The Choice to Leave Abuse” which is available at Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PGKFY59) and Deseret Book (later in April 2022). The book for local leaders, parents and individuals to recognize and then help others (or yourself) out of abusing relationships. It is based on gospel principles and teachings. I encourage everyone to read this book and connect with Ryan’s work. I wish I had read this book before my YSA assignment. You can reach Ryan at randerson@telos.org or at his Facebook page @TheChoicetoLeaveAbuse You can also listen to a free audio recording (www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZfoF6ubukY) of the first chapter of the book at The Choice to Leave Abuse YouTube Channel (www.youtube.com/channel/UC1dNDxmRw3VJL4J3FpcfSDQ. Thank you, Ryan for being on the podcast and your great work.

My brother and friend David Ostler; Author of Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question which is available at Deseret Book (https://deseretbook.com/p/bridges-ministering-to-those-who-question?variant_id=181882-paperback) and Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/dp/158958726X); join us to talk about a new chapter in his book. This new chapter discusses how marriages can stay together—and even thrive—when one spouse chooses to step away from the Church. The gospel bases principals in this chapter also apply when an adult child steps away from the Church. This chapter is free to download at bridgeslds.com and will be included in a future edition of his book. There is also a free guide to download at this site to help leaders talk in the councils and presidencies about how to minister to those who question. We all have people in our lives who have stepped away from the Church. David’s book and new chapter help us keep the family circle together and preserve the relationship—even with people we love not par

My friend joins us via Zoom to share her story as a gay Latter-day Saint in this anonymous podcast. My friend shares her story to come out to herself, to others, to her parents on this deeply spiritual journey. She talks about the IG account she started @to_all_the_latterday_gays and the associated blog. My friend talks about how her relationship with her Heavenly Father helped her accept being gay and is key to removing shame and bringing peace. This is an excellent podcast from one of my youngest guests who insights, maturity and perspective well beyond her years. I encourage everyone to listen to this powerful podcast. ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/143355661367214

My friend Meghan Decker joins to talk about her new book (released on April 10, 2022) called “Tender Leaves of Hope. Finding Belonging as a LGBTQ Latter-day Saint Women.” The book is at Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462143288/ (paper-back and kindle with audiobook coming soon). Meghan (my friend from High School) shared her story as a gay Latter-day Saint in Episode 473. Meghan and her husband David (who recently moved to Provo, Utah) are the parents of 5 daughters and 15 grandchildren. In this podcast, Meghan talks about why she wrote the book, why it includes the stories of many other LGBTQ women on their respective paths, and how to honor and support people on their respective paths. Meghan, who is the mother of a queer daughter in a same-sex marriage, shares gospel parenting principles to support LGBTQ children as they make their way forward and to learn to “let go of my agenda for my child.” Meghan also has wonderful and practical insights to help LGBTQ Latter-day Saints feel welcome an

My friend David Bingham (Age 60, Gay Latter-day Saint, Creative Director) shares his remarkable story. David talks about why he left the Church in 1980, his life outside the Church, deeply spiritual experiences, and his journey to return to the Church including receiving the Melchizedek Priesthood and his Endowment. David talks about what he has learned, the wonderful people who love him and support him, his supportive Bishop and Ward, feeling he would be celibate but then dating a wonderful man who is also a devout member of the Church. Thank you, David for being on the podcast and the courage to share your story. I was deeply moved learning of God’s hand in your life and your great heart and courageous decisions. Your story will help so many. On behalf of all our listeners, thank you! If you'd like to reach David, please message him on Facebook Messenger (www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1475074077) ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn

My friend David Shill (RM Italy, 3rd-Year BYU Student, AZ native) joins us to share his story as a queer Latter-day Saint and someone who is very involved in the intersection of being at BYU as a queer student. He is co-founder of Cougar Pride Center (IG / FB @cougarpridecenter), an LGBTQ+ resource center for BYU students, and will soon be stepping into the role of Resource Advisor, which he discusses in today’s episode. Please consider following Cougar Pride Center on social media and donating by using the link in their bio. This will help connect more LGBTQ+ students to the resources they need. David talks about BYU’s recently released (March 2022) “Report of the Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault” (see https://t.co/CI8AKoMIv5). There is a subset of questions (see page 6) regarding the experience of LGBTQ+ BYU students (compared to straight students) that is eye-opening and helpful to improve the experience for BYU LGBTQ+ students. David shares insights on this survey and suggestions—all supportive o

My friend Clayton Rasmussen (Age 21, New York City RM) talks about figuring out his sexual orientation during Junior High and High School and then serving a mission. Clayton talks about his successful mission (including effectively using social media during Covid). Clayton talks about coming out to this mother and father after serving 18 months and then his Mission President (very positive experiences). Clayton talks about what led him to come out and they joy/love he felt afterwards. Clayton also shares some difficult mission experiences. Not long after being home from his mission Clayton came out in this FB post: https://www.facebook.com/clayton.rasmussen.376/posts/575332603885993 Clayton decided to attend BYU—knowing that it can be a difficult place for queer Latter-day Saints. Clayton is out to all his roommates (good support) and have excellent family and friend support. Clayton is involved in RaYnbow Collective (on IG @raynbow.collective) at BYU and talks about the groups work for support

My friend Adam Garrett (RM, BYU Grad, Physician Assistant, Active LDS) shares his story as a gay Latter-day Saint. Adam came out publicly in June 2021 via this FB post: https://www.facebook.com/agarrett93/posts/10220746190700360 Adam talks about what he is learning, personal revelation he is receiving, scriptures and Church leader quotes that are helpful. Adam also shares great insights on the difference between shame and guilt and how to find hope and purpose. Adam talks about the possible roads he can choose as a gay Latter-day Saint and how to best support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. Adam includes helpful suggestions to allies—and for all of us to better come together to create Zion, and help to make sure everyone feels like they belong in an LDS congregation. Thank you Adam for being on the podcast. Even after 500 episodes, I continue to be struck with additional insights that LGBTQ Latter-day Saints have about the gospel of Jesus Christ and how to better bring us together as the same human famil

My friend Alexa Norton bravely shares the story the sudden and tragic death of her father while skiing in May 2017 (https://www.serenityfhs.com/obituaries/Daryl-Norton-2/). Alexa is sharing her story to help others working through trauma and grief. Alexa shares about the actual experience, what she’s learned, validating grief, finding people that relate, the importance of reaching out and dreams. If you are dealing with the death of a loved one, Alexa’s story will help you. If you want more insights on how to help others walking this brutal road, Alexa’s insights will help you help others. Please check out Alexa’s IG account @griefshine for her blog and other resources to others. Thank you, Alexa for being on the podcast and your courage to share your story. I was glad to learn more about your good father Daryl—what a wonderful man—your effort honor him. Thank you for your efforts to bring hope and healing. You and Kohlmann are a wonderful couple.

This episode launches “Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture.” The book is available at Amazon amazon.com/dp/1462139566 (paperback and kindle) and Deseret Book (late March). The purpose of the book is to improve our culture so more are able to connect with and benefit from our restored doctrine—and the healing and hope it brings into their lives. The chapters are: Chapter 1: Improving our culture to be nonjudgmental and more loving Chapter 2: Measuring progress by coming to Christ, not callings Chapter 3: Women in the Church (written by Susan Hinckley and Cynthia Winward) Chapter 4: Ending pornography use Chapter 5: Hope-filled repentance Chapter 6: Creating better understanding of mental illness and suicide Chapter 7: Overcoming scrupulosity (religious OCD) Chapter 8: Variations in missionary service Chapter 9: Manifest love – even in politics (written by David L. Cook) Chapter 10: Ministering to those with questions Your can read the introduction at: https://www.dropbox.c

My friend Smith Alley braving shares his 5-year experience with pornography—why it started, why he didn’t tell anyone, and what finally helped him stop, and why he is sharing this story. Smith also helps us understand the role of our Savior and His atonement, his parents, why we need to see ourselves as enough now. Smith talks to those who are suicidal to give them hope and perspective. Please stay my friends. Smith talks about deciding to talk about his pornography use which has led to speaking to 1000s and 1000s across the United States and to start a non-profit (https://www.livelifebigger.org/) and a company called PROTECHT (https://www.protechtstrong.com/) with a goal to kids all over the world. You can connect with Smith on IG at @live.life.bigger and @protechtstrong Thank you, Smith for being on the podcast and your life-saving work. I was deeply moved hearing your story. You are doing great work to bring hope, healing and better tools and understanding to help others. Also, here is

My friends Dr. Tyler Lefevor (Utah State Professor) and Sam Skidmore (Utah State PhD Student) join us to talk about their new research to help Ward/Stake Leaders better support their LGBTQ members. If you are interested in learning more about Tyler and Sam’s research, you can find more at www.4optionssurvey.com or www.lgbtqmormonresearch.com. Tyler and Sam have also put out a one-page handout of “best practices” for ward and stake councils in ministering to LGBTQ+ members that you can find at usu.box.com/s/vpjyc7pl1yfolcm66olic0k746mytv89. They are currently recruiting LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints to be part of a 10-year study to understand how gender, sexuality, and faith impact health over time, which you can learn more at www.4optionssurvey.com. They are also looking to share what they have learned about ministering to LGBTQ+ members with ward and stake councils, which you can learn more about at lgbtqmormonresearch.com/participate-in-research/. I wish I had read their research before a gay Latter-day Sa

My friend Jaxon George (chemistry student at Dixie State University, RM) bravely shares his story. Jaxon starts with his childhood including a brother with Spina Bifida and Lincoln logs. Jaxon then opens up about gay pornography use in his youth and realizing he is gay (Jaxon points out that pornography use didn’t make him gay). In High School, Jaxon worked tirelessly (swim team, college classes, etc.) to kind of escape and/or overcompensate for the realities of his life. That dissonance led Jaxon to consider suicide during high school. Jaxon shares how he was able to get out of that dark spot and find hope and purpose in his life along with the love and hope he felt from his Heavenly Father and Savior. Jaxon talks about starting to come out in High School (mostly positive experience), helping to ease the dissonance as he became authentic. Jaxon talks about the role of poetry and authentic connection with men to help end his pornography use. Jaxon talks about his decision to serve a mission, his mi

My friend Dr Terryl Givens (Senior Research Fellow at Maxwell Institute at BYU) joins us to talk about his new book “The Door of Faith”. Here is a description of the book: “In The Doors of Faith, Terryl Givens teaches that the surest route to a meaningful and enduring faith is a “witting” understanding of Jesus Christ and His gospel. Givens bears a strong personal witness of many unique aspects of the restored gospel, demonstrating that the Restoration provides us with the most morally compelling, intellectually satisfying, and aesthetically appealing account of the universe and each person’s place within it. He shows that such knowledge is a powerful catalyst to a more profound appreciation of Jesus Christ’s love, grace, and Atonement.” Brother Givens also talks about the importance of President Russel M. Ballard’s CES talk and the shift in how we teach the gospel and answer questions (see www.churchofjesuschrist.org/broadcasts/article/evening-with-a-general-authority/2016/02/the-opportunities-and-respo

My friend Tonya Baker Miller (Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Active LDS, Married Mother of 4) joins us to share insights and principles to heal (and help others) who have experienced church/leader pain/trauma. She explores the possibility that what we often refer to as "faith crisis" could more accurately be framed as "trust crises", and talks about academic differences between faith and trust. She also has helpful insights on how the family can be a safe and healing place when trust in the Church is damaged. And how to keep the family full of hope, support and understanding even if some members of the family are not participating in the Church. Tonya’s story of the being the mother of a gay son is on the Church’s web site. There is a video about the family, and essays written by Tonya, her son Andy, and their bishop at the time. The video and essays were included in the original "Mormon and Gay" website that was released in 2016 and can be found at: www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/gay/videos/ton

My friend Alexander Solis La Torre (Worldwide Unified Co-founder, RM, active LDS, senior BYU student) joins us to share powerful and thoughtful insights on fostering belonging and creating safe spaces in our congregations. This podcast is an expanded version of the devotional Alexander gave on High Five Live: “A LONGING FOR BELONGING: Keys to Building a Safe Community & Becoming a Safe Person” (see https://www.facebook.com/HiFiveLive/videos/419121603010367), which is one of the finest sermons on this topic I’ve ever heard. Alexander is a co-founder and admin of Worldwide Unified, the interfaith Facebook group that gathered more than half a million people from 32 religions and 99 countries in one week to fast in April 2020, following President Nelson’s invitation in General Conference (check out https://www.facebook.com/groups/534352464165662). If you want to improve the culture of your congregation to be a safe place for everyone, please listen to this podcast. Alexander has gospel-based principles

My friend Iese Wilson (RM, Age 28, Graduating BYU-H) bravely shares his story. Iese starts with reaching out to the President of BYU-Hawaii to share his story as a gay student and the resulting positive meeting (along with others from BYU-H administration) that occurred. Iese also talks about the many closeted BYU-H students who have reached out to him and shares about the complexity of coming another country/culture and being LGBTQ in The Church. Iese also talks about his supportive Bishop and Stake President which led to a packed Stake Fireside about supporting LGBTQ Latter-day Saints (where Becky, Scott, and their son Xian Mackintosh spoke). This led to Iese’s story being shared in the official BYU-Hawaii magazine (https://issuu.com/kealakai/docs/whole.nobleeds/48). Iese then shares his story of coming out to himself, friends, family and in a Church talk; the things he is learning; the personal revelation he is receiving, and thoughts about his future. Thank you Iese for being on the podcast a

My friend Brooke Anderson (RM, Masters student at BYU, Author) shares her story. Brooke talks about her journey to understand and then accept her sexual orientation (which included a annulled marriage). Brooke talks about working through anger with God and the Church and why she remains a committed and believing member of the Church. She also talks about why she is sharing her sexual orientation with others including her book “Through My Lens” available at Barns and Noble (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/through-my-lens-brooke-anderson/1140786213) Brooke talks about helpful friends and ward members who have supported her in her journey and what we can do to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints as we work to create Zion. Thank you Brooke for being on the podcast and your courage to share you story. You are awesome and our world better place with you and your contributions. I encourage everyone to check out this episode and Brooke’s book.

My friends Brittany and Maeve Sechrist (married with three children) share their story with Maeve coming out to Brittany as transgender in July of 2021. Maeve shares feeling gender dysphoria for many years and what led her to finally come out to her wife. Brittany shares her reaction and subsequent journey to love, learn and support Maeve and how their marriage is strong, healthy and full of hope. Brittany and Maeve share the things they are learning, commitment to the Church, personal revelation, expectations for allies, and hope for their future. Their story is a beautiful love story. If you want to learn about and better support transgender Latter-day Saints, please listen to this podcast. It helped me and I believe will help you. If you are transgender and need hope for your future, this podcast will help you. Thank you Brittany and Maeve for being on the podcast and the courage to share your story. Great job my friends!

My friend Rebecca Snedegar (Active LDS, RM, Mother) bravely shares her story of her 7 year marriage ending when her husband Ammon came out as gay. Rebecca talks about both the pain of having her marriage end and compassion for her husband (who was always faithful) as they both concluded their best paths forward were to separate. Rebecca (who remains friends with her former husband and his family) talks about how her testimony of the Church remains strong and growing, how she is handling the divorce, the role of therapy and her hopes for the future. Rebecca also talks about The Current Bush (talk by Hugh B Brown https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/1973/01/the-currant-bush?lang=eng) and how this process is helping her be stronger and grow in ways that are part of her mortal plan. If you are going through a divorce (or wanting to help someone on this road), please listen to Rebecca’s podcast. She has wonderful and helpful insights. And if you are wondering where God is during a div