How To Stop Wanting Him Back

For some people, it just looks like life comes easy to them. Maybe they are successful in their career, or they have a great social life, or maybe they have an amazing loving family. This is something a client brought to me recently after watching the Netflix documentary about Harry and Meghan. If you haven’t watched it yet, at one point, Meghan shares that she decided to take time off, travel in Europe, and not worry about dating at all. She just wanted to be free and detached. But lo and behold, a literal prince was dropped in her lap when she was set up with Harry by a mutual friend, and the rest is history. So my client came to me and asked me “Why does she have love, and I don’t?” Let me just say, I get it. When you’re doing the work, you’re healing your heart, you’re out there swiping, you’re dating with intention, it can be frustrating when you see it come so easily to others. Let’s talk about how we can reframe this so that instead of spending your energy wanting what someone else has, instead, you ca

Picture this. You have healed your heart, done the work, and you’re out there swiping and dating, ready again to find your person. You hit it off with someone and you start talking to them, maybe you’ve been out on a date or two, and then your brain starts to freak out. Am I liking them too much? Is this too fast? Am I following the same patterns and making the same decisions I did in the past which lead to heartbreak? My love, these thoughts will still come up even when you’re doing the work. Let’s take a look at what it means when you like someone new, some ways you can check yourself, and how you can show up differently. This episode is coming out right at the height of the holiday season, and I know what it’s like to be heartbroken this time of the year. Two of the worst Christmases of my life were spent crippled over with heartbreak. Or maybe you’re lonely or a little hesitant to put yourself out there this time of the year. I want to invite you to apply for my one-year group coaching program, Stop Wanti

I have shared on this podcast before about my experiences of dating narcissists, and the heartbreak I went through when those relationships ended. When I was heartbroken, I spent so much time trying to find the coach that I am today, someone to help me understand why I was falling for Mr. Unavailable, and how I could heal my heart and find my person. And that is exactly what I now have the honor to do. This episode is inspired by a current client as I help her to get out of a relationship with someone who checks off all the boxes of being a covert narcissist. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be toxic, but because they keep drawing you in, it can feel impossible to leave. If you are dating a narcissist, this episode is for you. Or, if you dated a covert narcissist in the past and are struggling with the fallout and the heartbreak, this is for you. Let’s look at the signs of covert narcissism, what it looks like to date someone with this personality disorder, and talk about why you deserve better,

Either being in an affair or victim of one is really not all that uncommon and I'm surprised it's taken me this many episodes to talk about it! This episode was inspired by someone who reached out to me on Instagram who said she was happy to hear that this is a judgement-free zone, because she was the other woman and was looking to get coached. Now, I want to be clear that there are some extreme circumstances where I would say that it's ok to be in an affair. But in this episode, we're talking about relationships where you want an exclusive and monogamous relationship, and yet, you are the other woman. You are spending time and energy with someone who is committed to someone else, and yet, this is not the kind of relationship you truly want. I want to share with you that I have been there and I can speak to this with experience. I have been a victim of an affair, and at one point, I was in an affair. In this episode, let's take a look at why it is we stay in these relationships, the excuses we make for them,

Not only have we reached the holidays, but this time of year also means that it is cuffing season. In case you haven’t heard this term before, it refers to a period of time from October to February when people seek out short-term relationships to help get through these colder months. Since it’s colder, people are less motivated to get out there and find their person, and for many, they seek the comfort of a relationship, even if it’s just something they see as short-term. This is a term that I became familiar with only within the last couple of years. And honestly, I’m glad that either it didn’t exist, or I didn’t know about it when I was single. I can see how the idea of cuffing season could create a sense of panic that maybe the person you’re dating doesn’t see this as long-term, or that they aren’t taking the relationship seriously. In this episode, let’s take a look at how it doesn’t serve you to fixate on this, and also some tips on how to avoid getting cuffed.These tips are obviously focused on identify

Are you on the edge of your seat to find out my #1 most important dating tip? Here it is. I’ve refined all my coaching and guidelines down to one thing, my number 1 most important dating tip. If you’ve listened to this podcast or have worked with me before, you know that I have created a 5-step process for finding someone better. I also have rules and guidelines I create for my clients so that I can help them see their own blindspots and be able to heal their hearts and find their person. So here it is, my number 1 dating tip, my loves: be a human.In this episode, I share three very specific examples from clients who are actively dating in order to find their person, but they’ve recently really gotten in their head and getting in their own way. It’s common for me to see clients doing the work who are really wanting to make sure they are following the rules and doing the “right thing”. But sometimes, this worry about the rules and making a wrong move is actually preventing them from creating results! So let’s

Calling all love addicts! Maybe you are having a really hard time letting go of that Mr. Unavailable, or maybe you jump from one relationship to the next chasing the infatuation and the highs and lows. This episode is for you. I’m excited to bring back a client and guest instructor in my group coaching program, Katie Johnston. Katie and I have definitely been through it before with having an addiction to love and Mr. Wrong, and we have a lot to share with you about how to identify if you’re a love addict and what you can do about it.We both recently watched the interview that Matthew Perry did with Dianne Sawyer where he discussed his battle with substance addiction, and that is what inspired this episode. It’s important to note that neither Katie nor myself have struggled with substance addiction, and we aren’t saying one is easier or more difficult than the other. We just know the toll it can take on a person who just can’t quit their need for that unavailable love, and we want you to know that you can do i

I am fired up about this topic! I know that for many of us, we were raised to be lady-like, kind, and sweet, and as adults, this has translated into us wanting to be laid back and go with the flow. Because the alternative of saying no, standing up for what we need and deserve, can be seen as bitchy. We all are familiar with the representation of what it means to be a bitch. A bitch is someone who is miserable, has a bad attitude, and sucks the fun out of everything, and we have this fear of being her.This episode is inspired by a client who is facing a situation where she can’t just fully cut contact with her ex. She has to see him and be around him, and in a recent group coaching call, she shared that she is ready to put her foot down with him and really end things, but she doesn’t want him to think she’s a bitch. I’ve heard this from many clients when they are ready to show up for themselves and what they truly deserve. So in this episode, let’s take a look at what it looks like to stand up for yourself, an

If you are a client of mine, a course student, or have listened to this podcast, you are doing “the work” of healing your heart and falling in love with you, and maybe you are even in the process of finding your person. This work is so powerful and can lead to amazing results and I wholeheartedly believe in it and what I do to help women create these results. So what if you find out that your ex has also been doing the work? And not only that, but now he’s with someone new. How are you supposed to handle these feelings that come up around him being this new upleveled version of himself that is with someone else? That’s exactly what we get into in this episode, and I share with you how you can reflect on your own healing and focus on continuing to heal your heart and your relationship with you, so that you can become the best version of you that finds her person. If you want to sink your teeth deeper and have me look at your brain and your specific situation, you have the opportunity to apply to my group progr

Are you worried that your next date or maybe even your dating past has jinxed your love life? This happened with a client of mine who shows up regularly in the group program with vulnerability and ready to do the work. However, she’s noticed that she feels resistant to the dating apps and is worried that she may have jinxed herself. Let me tell you, with my dating past, if I hadn’t put in the work and healed my heart, I definitely could have believed that I was a bit cursed with all of the doozies I met and dated. But you know what? At the end of the day, I was committed to showing up and to the result that I would find my person, and I have. In this episode, I share with you what you can learn from your past, how you can protect your energy, and stay committed to finding your person. And if you find that you are overwhelmed by this process, then I invite you to apply for my program Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better. I now offer my group coaching program in both six and twelve-month options and in

I’ve had clients tell me that this work has saved their lives. It is always so incredibly kind and nice to hear, but honestly, I’ve always had a bit of a hard time receiving that fully. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that this work is so incredibly important, but it doesn’t feel like it’s on the same level as someone who physically and literally saves lives. Then this week, I heard about a woman who was in a relationship where, if she had done this work of healing her heart and getting coached, I believe she may still be alive today. In this episode, I share with you the story of Moriah Wilson, a woman whose life was sadly cut short due to an awful situation in her love life. I share with you how I believe things could have been different if she was getting coached on healing her relationship with herself, which is what I coach my clients to be able to create for themselves. I also detail how other aspects of this work, and while they may not literally be live saving, they can figuratively save your life by co

As a woman who was dating in LA in her 30s, I can tell you that I was no stranger to people asking me why I was still single and I had my fair share of friends and loved ones asking why I wasn’t married yet. Recently a client came to the group coaching call after family members said some not-so-kind words about her still being single, and I know she’s not the only one experiencing this. Let’s talk about how you can handle these conversations and establish healthy boundaries with your loved ones. And also, let’s look at how your being single isn’t a problem. In this episode, I share with you what your work is if this sounds familiar, when your being single becomes a problem, and how you can move through this to find your person.In this episode, I also share a couple of updates for you regarding my course. I’ve shared that I have been working on creating new videos for my course, and they are coming soon! So with that, I want to let you know that the course, at its current price point of $597, will be going awa

“I have a confession to make.” This is something a client recently said when she wanted to let me know that she had, in her words, “relapsed”. And let me tell you, this has happened to many many clients before. This was something I used to do, so I get it! You are used to the good feels of being around them, waking up in their arms, spending time with them. And being alone can feel really hard and scary, so all you want to do is reach out to them to get a hit of those good feels again. My loves, there is no judgement here. I just want to coach you on how you can move through these feels and create the result of finding your forever love.I would love nothing more than to be the coach that helps you find your ideal person, which is why I’m happy to announce some updates to my group-program, Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better. I have recently decided to make the program available for six months instead of a year. I have seen clients make big, amazing transformations in as little as six months, so I wa

I’m willing to bet that most of you have gone above and beyond for love, and sometimes, to your own detriment. Maybe you compromised on your core values, or you diminished yourself for someone else who ultimately, wasn’t worth it. I definitely have gone over and beyond in relationships, and with people who were not deserving. And at the same time, I am now in my ideal relationship with the man of my dreams, and there are decisions I have made and things I have done that I never thought I would have done. And yet, here I am, about to celebrate three years of being with the love of my life. In this episode, let’s examine your negotiables, your nonnegotiables, and your reasons why, so that you can be clear on them and be able to find your perfect love, too.If you are ready to invest in yourself and dive deep into healing your heart and your relationship with yourself, then I highly suggest you purchase my 60-video course where I walk you through the process step by step. You can find out more information on my w

I’ve got to be honest with you - I have never really thought about the connection between dating and the menstrual cycle. That is why I am so excited to have Lisa de Jong back on the podcast! Previously, she was a guest in the episode Irish Love where she shared her journey of healing her heart and finding love. Now she’s back to give us the low down on trauma and the menstrual cycle, her personal journey with this work, and how it relates to our abilities to manage our emotions, which is critical in being able to heal our hearts and find love. This was a fascinating topic to learn more about, and I hope you enjoy this conversation.If you are looking to invest in yourself and heal your heart in the same way that Lisa did, you can find out more information on my website at: https://course.clairetheheartbreakcoach.com/thecourse. I also offer a group coaching program where we take the foundations from the course and go next level with the healing and the work. To learn more, you can apply at: https://course.clai

When I say “F-boys” we all know the exact type of person I’m talking about. These are the guys who have Peter Pan syndrome. They never grow up, they play games, they don’t want a real relationship, and sometimes it can feel like they are the only men that you are attracting. And now you want to know how to stop attracting those dicks so you can begin to find your ideal person. I can tell you, even when you’re doing the work and it feels like you’re doing everything right, those F-boys are still going to show up. So in this episode, I share with you how I coach my clients who keep attracting those F-boys, and what your work is so that you don’t fall into a victim mentality and you stay focused on creating the result of finding Mr. Right.I believe that we all have blind spots. Maybe you feel like you’re doing the work, and it just isn’t working anymore. Or maybe you’re looking to take your work to the next level and really invest in healing your heart and calling love in. I would invite you to buy my course or

Last week I did an episode called Writing Him Off Too Soon and this week we’re swinging to the other side and we’re looking at ways you may not be writing him off soon enough. If you have done the work to heal your heart and now you’re in the finding someone better stage, it is critical that you aren’t wasting time with someone who definitely isn’t your Mr. Right! Maybe you are really feeling the good feels and you’re letting some things slide, or maybe things are going a little too fast and you aren’t sure how to slow it down a bit. In this episode, I share with you 6 signs you should write him off so that you can find your person.As with everything I discuss on this podcast, it’s important that I share the disclaimer that these aren’t hard and fast rules that apply to every single person. Every person and every relationship are different, and something that works for someone else, may not work for you. Or maybe someone else’s red flags are green flags for you. If you are looking for coaching on your heart a

I love to see all of the wins and healing my clients are creating. They are doing amazing at healing their hearts, stepping into new relationships with themselves, and some are ready and are putting themselves out there in order to find someone better. And now I’m seeing that a few of my clients are so clear on what they will and will not tolerate that they are ready to jump ship over things that I believe are relatively small. Let’s take a look and how to pay attention to things you do or don’t like while also not writing him off too soon. In this episode, I share with you 7 examples of what I hear my clients say that make them want to write someone off when I believe they should give him a chance. I also share with you some examples from my dating history of when I was a bit more flexible with my likes and dislikes with a partner. And I even discuss some of the things with dating Larry where someone else may have written him off or had a moment of pause, but why they didn’t stop me. And because they didn’t,

My loves! I have some big exciting news to share with you! My bestie, Jamie McKeowen, a badass holistic health coach and previous guest on this podcast, is back. And not only that, but she’s here to share with us her engagement story! You’ve heard Jamie on this podcast in previous episodes talk about her journey through healing her heart, finding her now-fiance Michael, and now she’s here to tell the big proposal story.For someone on the outside looking in, they might think that since I’ve been with Larry for longer than Jamie has dated Michael, that I might have jealousy or have been triggered by this big news. However, not only is that not the case, but I am so excited that it feels like it’s happening for me, that’s how over the moon I am for Jamie.I do know, though, that there are many women out there who see engagements, pregnancy announcements, or see others progress in their careers and it does trigger them and create some really tough feelings. So on this episode, that’s why I want to talk about how I

I am a very proud Irish woman, and I have many clients who are Irish, too! It’s really a joy to work with women who come from similar backgrounds as me because I feel like I really truly understand where they’re coming from, and the cultural expectations Irish women face. I am very excited to have another guest this week, Lisa DeJong, a client of mine who, through listening to this podcast and going through my course, has created the results of healing her heart, falling in love with herself, and certainly finding someone better. In our conversation, Lisa shares her journey through each step of my 5-step process, and the growth she has experienced along the way, both in her dating life and in other areas of her life as well. We also discuss what it’s like as Irish women of dealing with Irish Catholic guilt, dating as Irish women, and confronting that fear-based negative response that just comes naturally to us. She also talks about what it has been like finding love, and what makes this new relationship so di