The Couples Expert

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 159 of our show. This week’s topic is the Power of Love.  Do happy endings happen?  Is there such a thing as happily ever after? It can sound a bit trite, but as Stuart will discuss, love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives. When we’re in the right place emotionally and in the right relationship with our partner, that love can be unstoppable! Listen in as Stuart shares about real experiences that show that true love can win just like in the storybooks. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: You can have it all together but you both have to want it and work for it 1:02 The emotional bond you have together gives you as a couple the confidence to conquer anything life throws your way 2:39 The connection between you is what’s important  3:46 The story of Stuart’s personal crisis and triumph 5:15 Why some couples pull apart and others pull together 6:49 It’s the little things you say and do every day cemen

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 158 of our show. This week’s podcast is so much fun. Stuart’s guest is author Amy Lyle. While Amy is not a couple’s expert, she brings a fresh take to our podcast with her Book of Failures and her unique and humorous perspective on love and relationships. Amy was restless in her stay at home mom role so she took a job with a non-profit and began writing. A self-described “Domestic Disaster”, her new book talks about how everything has a humorous side and your attitude is what matters. Her experience as a mom and wife gives her a layperson’s take on love and relationships. What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: Amy’s background and what prompted her to write her book 5:30 How we define failure 11:45 Where you find the humor 15:26 Our kids are embarrassing 23:26 Humor is therapy 33:18 Stories make us feel better help us relate, and the more embarrassing it is, the more people can relate. If we’re going to present ou

Hi, welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. This is episode 157 of our show. Thanks for joining us. Listen today as Stuart talks about the challenges that couples face when there’s a large age difference between them. Love happens when we least expect it and sometimes you fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you are. Love happens! Stuart tells about a couple who contacted him after he had stopped seeing in counseling. They reached out to him to ask him to officiate in their wedding ceremony. Stuart is an ordained minister in addition to being an LCSW and was honored to receive this request. The couple had struggled with commitment issues and had stopped coming to counseling and he was so gratified and happy to hear that they were now engaged to be married. That’s some great feedback for a couple’s counselor! It means that the couple has taken what they learned in counseling kept working on it, and applied it to the real world situations of their relationship so successfully that now they

Hi and welcome to Episode 156 of The Couples Expert. Our podcast today is something that most couples will relate to. When the source article for this topic came out there were over 4,000 comments and it was widely shared throughout social media. That’s not necessarily a prerequisite for Stuart to choose a topic, but this particular topic resonated with so many people that he decided to go ahead and use it for the podcast this week. When wives feel like they do a dual role as wife and mother to their spouse it can become problematic. When Stuart ran this one past his wife, and asked her if it was an issue in their home, Debbie’s response was laughter and agreement. She had a list of things that helped Stuart understand that this is a topic relevant to a lot of couples. When spouses and partners feel they’re filling a parental-type role within the relationship, it’s hard to see their partner as an equal and the relationship suffers not only in the communication aspect but also in their sexual relationship. Thi

Hi and Welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 155 of our show. This episode is about preparing for marriage and the issues that come up for couples when they’re planning to make this important step to take their relationship to the next level. We don’t know what we don’t know, so premarital counseling and training is very important. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: Whether marriage is the next natural step for you [2:23] You need to be confident that you’re making the right choice [3:30] Marriage is more than a piece of paper [5:19] Divorce shouldn’t be an option in your mind [6:26] The conversations you need to have before you marry [10:35] You need to discuss those subjects such as finances, religious practice, family planning, pets, your in-laws, and how you’ll spend your time. Talk about your communication style. How do you handle conflict?  Monogamy and sexual practices are all necessary for couples to discuss while planning your wedding or moving in tog

Hi and thanks for joining us for The Couples Expert with your host, Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 154 of our show. This week, Stuart is going to give you a course in arguing with your partner. Not that you should, but everyone does at one time or another. Listen to Arguing 101, a guide to fighting with your partner. Yes, you heard that correctly! Conflict will come up in daily life for all couples (even The Couples Expert). Stuart describes somethings that came up for him and his wife the other morning and how they worked through it. Don’t be surprised when this happens to you and your partner. This doesn’t mean you don’t love each other or have a healthy relationship. The indicator of a healthy relationship is the way you resolve the conflicts and use those experiences to move your relationship forward in a loving and connected way. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: Fighting is not the issue, it’s about repair [8:25] Fights are inevitable but they can improve your relationship [11:58] Recognize

Hi and welcome to episode 153 of The Couples Expert with your host The Couples Expert Stuart Fensterheim. Stuart brings you a topic that he’s had come up lately in his counseling practice: The idea that your sex life is not a porno movie. Are your expectations about sex with your partner realistic or do you expect your sex life to be like a porno movie? Listen as Stuart discusses sexuality and expectations on today’s Couples Expert podcast. Even the Couples Expert has expectations about sexuality that may not be realistic. Sex is affected by all sorts of outside circumstances: aging, our physical limitations and our expectations can be completely different from what normal healthy sexuality is in a long term relationship. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: The sex industry is huge, you can find anything you want to see 3:08 Sex addiction is rampant and rivals any hard drug 4:00 How is porn affecting your relationship? 5:14 The gender divide in how porn is viewed 7:29 We have to realize it’s not always f

This is episode 152 of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim.  Today, Stuart is speaking today about the ghost of our past relationships that continue to haunt us and how to exorcise them from our lives. We can tend to get into patterns that repeat; we get stuck in these ways of interacting in relationships that are a carryover from the past. Listen as how Stuart shows us how to get rid of those ghosts that haunt us and to live in the moment, in the present with our partners and to break those patterns so they can no longer harm us. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: Where the triggers come from in the past 2:45 You can understand the pattern and change it 5:20 When you believe the lies of the past they can stay with you 7:23 You deserve to have the loving relationship you desire 10:00 You have to get rid of the ghosts that block your connection 12:12 A guided exorcism by your Jewish, counselor exorcist 17:25 We know in our heads that our partners don’t want to hurt us; it’s those voices in

Today on episode 151 of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart is going to talk about what moves him to help couples. The type of counseling that he does is called Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT. Stuart is going to talk about what EFT is all about and how it helps couples and families feel more connected and learn how to meet each other’s attachment needs; what they need to feel loved and important to one another. You should only seek help for your relationship by a counselor that uses this EFT model and subscribes to an attachment based theory. All relationship problems are attachment based problems, lack of emotional connection, the behavior is only a symptom. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: Emotionally Focused Therapy & The Gottman Method use the EFT process (an attachment model) for counseling couples   [3:42] What is EFT and why it’s unique in counseling [6:45] EFT techniques are used to reframe negative patterns and then change the conversation   [8:00] How negative patterns affect how we

This is episode 150 of The Couples Expert Podcast. Stuart's topic today is romance and Valentine's Day. This episode, is about the other 364 days of the year where you have an opportunity to be just as romantic as you would on Valentine's Day. Romance is not about Valentine’s Day! You don’t love your partner only on February 14th. If that’s the only day you’re showing love to your partner, there’s something terribly wrong! Listen as Stuart brings you some valuable insight into romancing your partner all throughout the year.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is show #149. We’re so glad you’ve chosen to join us as we talk about love and connection. Stuart’s topic today is the importance of family celebrations. You may wonder what that has to do with your love life or relationship. Stuart believes that the family connections we keep teach our children to model healthy love relationships in the future, and that having a strong bond with your siblings and parents, cousins and elders is extremely important.  Listen as Stuart discusses the importance of coming together for family celebrations. Stuart is celebrating this month because not only is February the month of love and romance because of Valentine’s Day, his youngest daughter is turning 21! That calls for a family celebration. We all need to take the time to come together to celebrate the all important milestones of life. Make every day count and celebrate life. Time is shorter than we realize and it passes oh, so quick

This is episode 148 of our show. Stuart's guest today is Vicki Hadfield, also known as The Happiness Ambassador and Love Lifter. She and her husband Richard have developed a program surrounding "The Supportive Spouse." It’s all about having happiness in your home and your relationship with your partner, and that is Stuart’s goal too. Listen and Stuart and Vicki discuss what it means to have (and be) a supportive spouse and stop the nitpicking and bickering that we sometimes do with our partners.

In episode 147 of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart is discussing a troubling topic today; infidelity. All of Stuart’s work centers around creating and maintaining healthy couple relationships. He believes that this is truly the cornerstone of a healthy society as a whole. Healthy relationships passed down from parents who model them for their children create generations of healthy relationships and a healthier society overall. Infidelity, whether it be sexual, emotional or even financial in nature, breaks down the connection and the trust that’s needed to keep the relationship healthy and happy. It’s his belief that infidelity causes some of the most severe relationship injuries that exist.   What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: Infidelity destroys families and destroys connections [4:03] Infidelity creates personal emotional trauma [10:20] Men and women approach infidelity differently [14:22] Strip clubs, massage parlors and prostitution are a factor [16:24] Reasons why men cheat [18:05] Wome

The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 146 of our show. We’re so happy that you’re here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem.

The wakeup call of a heart attack in your relationship might be the catalyst, the very incentive you need to realize that you need some help. Use this wakeup call as a jumping off point to begin changing your interactions and improving your relationship. This wakeup call can put you on the path to having a stronger and healthier relationship than you’ve ever had before. Don’t let yourself become so comfortable that you ignore the warning signs. You need to be aware when there is something to be alarmed about. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to make a difference to the future of your relationship. You can take this moment of anxiety and worry and turn it into a future filled with joy and love. Who wouldn’t want to do that?

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 144 of our show. Today Stuart is going to help you answer a question that you may be struggling with: Can my marriage be saved? If you’re asking yourself that question we’re here to help. Please listen as Stuart discusses how to know if your marriage needs saving and the steps to go about making that happen. The good news is that it can be done. What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: What it means to be “saved” 2:30 The things that get in the way of connection 6:10 You save your marriage every day by being the best partner you can be 9:29 Your partner needs to hear how you feel, so don’t wait, you may not get another opportunity 11:28 It’s a journey, not a quick fix , your commitment to the process decides how long it will take  18:00 Be aware of the warning signs and celebrate your successes  19:52 Click to read the full show notes.

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast episode 143. Stuart’s guest on the podcast is Nicole Burgess, LMFT. Nicole specializes in counseling teens and women. She teaches mindfulness practice as a way to being a more centered and balanced individual.

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast.This is episode 142 of our show today we'll be speaking about a divorce that comes on "all the sudden" and how to pay attention to the signs.

Welcome to episode 141 of our show. Today The Couples Expert is going to talk about something that can complicate relationships when people break up or divorce then get remarried.  

Welcome to episode 140 of the Couples Expert Podcast. In today's show, Stuart is going to talk about a subject that most of you will be familiar with, and some of you may struggle with: That of the impact of Social Media on your life and relationships.