Listen, Learn & Love Hosted By Richard Ostler

My friend Cassidy Lundgren (married mother of four, active LDS) joins us to talk about her three-decade journey dealing with OCD (especially scrupulosity subset) and depression. Cassidy starts with her high school and college years never feeling good enough and being sad all the time—and incorrectly believing that more religious commitment was the key to solve her challenges. Cassidy’s shares how this continued into her college and married years until she was diagnosed with scrupulosity which helped her understand her challenges were not a spiritual weakness but a mental health issue. This was a compete paradigm shift for Cassidy. She gave herself permission to do Church on her terms and develop boundaries on how best to move forward as a committed Latter-day Saint. Cassidy also shares her journey with depression and how she continues to deal with that challenge. Cassidy is very open and brave about her sadness, fears, manifestations of her scrupulosity. It is her hope that her vulnerability will

My friend Nathan McLaughlin joins us to share his story as a gay Latter-day Saint and recent returned missionary (returned home in August of 2022). Nathan starts the podcast with his years leading up to his mission, why he decided to stay in the church, organize a rally at BYU-I to support LGBTQ students, and then his decision to serve a mission. Nathan then talks about his mission which including coming out to individual people at times during his mission. Nathan then shares his spirit-led decision to come out as gay publicly on Facebook. I believe Nathan is the first Latter-day Saint missionary to come out publicly while serving. Here is a link to Nathan’s Facebook post. https://www.facebook.com/natemaklocklin/posts/187097709829160 Nathan talks about reactions from members, missionaries, and investigators to his Facebook post (mostly positive) and how it allowed him to be more authentic and a more effective missionary. If you are queer and thinking about a mission, Nathan’s podcast will help

My friend Kory Koontz (married father of 5) joins us to share his story in the hopes that his journey in life will help others. Kory bravely talks about figuring out his sexuality (he is bisexual), serving a mission, getting married and divorced, feeling suicidal, staying active in the Church, dealing with pornography, getting remarried, working through bipolar 2 and using God-given talents. Kory is very brave and vulnerable in sharing his story—which he is doing in hopes that is will help others. Thank you, Kory, for being on the podcast and your gospel insights to bring hope and healing.

My friend Jaci Wightman (married mother of 7, certified wellness coach) joins us to talk about her new book “Aren’t You Tired: Embracing the Lord’s Call to Enter His Rest”. Jaci write how this book focuses “on how worldly worries, juggling Church responsibilities, and managing societal expectations, many Latter-day Saints are tired. They are weary from constantly striving to work hard enough, be good enough, feel worthy enough. But it is important to remember that the Lord has promised us His rest, not only in the next life, but in this one. All we have to do is stop striving alone for a moment and reach for our Savior's outstretched hand.” Further, Jaci talks about “how we need to leave behind our performance-based paradigm and embrace a grace-filled, new covenant mentality.” She also talks about the love of our Heavenly Parents and Their desire to be involved in our lives on our worst days and our best days. And how that love is not earned—but given to us by grace as Their children. This is a wond

Jeralee Renshaw and David Ostler join us to talk about a Facebook support group for LDS parents who have adult children not participating in the Church. Jeralee and David share their own experience with some of their children leaving the church, the need to community for parents walking this road, what they have learned from other parents, what is helpful, and their goals for their families. If you are an LDS parent with adult children not participating in the Church, this podcast will help you find peace, hope, healing, and a way forward. I encourage you to listen to this podcast and share it with others. I was deeply moved by the insights shared by Jeralee and David—and I believe you will too. Thank you, Jeralee and David, for you much needed work in our community. Links mentioned in the podcast: Bridges Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1139458306236720 David Ostler Bridges Book: https://www.amazon.com/Bridges-Ministering-Those-Who-Question/dp/1589587596/ LDS Living Article:

My friend, Elder Shane Carpenter, joins us as a full-time missionary from the California, Anaheim Mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to share his story as an openly gay missionary. Elder Carpenter states he wanted to be "my authentic self so I could become something better,” and be in a better position to help people come unto Christ. His podcast episode, with approval from his Mission Leaders, was recorded in the final days of his successful mission. Elder Carpenter talks about coming out to and receiving support from his parents (Diane and Scott Carpenter), Bishop, and Stake President before leaving to serve as well as during his mission experience. He then shares about his supportive Mission Leaders who asked Elder Carpenter to conduct 2 mission trainings surrounding his experience as a gay Latter-day Saint—including 2 unprecedented mission--wide Q&As focused on teaching and loving our LGBTQ+ friends. Elder Carpenter talks about his supportive companions, becoming a trainer, and

My friend Anne Easton (active LDS mother of four) and Malcolm Easton (age 29, web development, same-sex relationship) join us to share their story. The podcast starts with Anne’s talk in her Latter-day Saint congregation about her gay son Malcolm and what we can do to better support our LGBTQ family members. It is a powerful and needed talk. Anne also talks about all the subsequent needed conversations that resulted from her talk. It is a beautiful example of better creating Zion. Malcolm talks about deciding to attend church that day and the healing experience it was for him to hear his mother talk about him in such a positive way and the kind responses from ward members. Malcolm then shares his story including dealing with the anger and pain he felt towards the Church and how he got over that anger and is now in a place of greater peace. He talks about his loving and supportive family and how that has helped him move forward. He also shares his hope for more peace and understanding in the world and hi

My friends Aubrey and Tim Chaves join us to talk about “Restore: A Faith Matters Gathering” on October 7-8 in Salt Lake City. In this episode they talk about the purpose of the conference, who is speaking, who is performing, and who is invited to this groundbreaking inaugural event. For more information and to register, please go to https://faithmatters.regfox.com/restore Also, Faith Matters is offering a discount to Listen, Learn and Love listeners. Please enter LISTEN when registering. Thank you to everyone at Faith Matters for your efforts to make this conference possible and all the good you are doing in our community. I encourage everyone to check out this event, consider attending, and share it with others. I plan to be there with you.

Our long-time family friend Ben Delmoe (married father of three, active LDS, age 31) joins us to share his story with OCD. Ben starts with how undiagnosed OCD ended his MTC experience causing him to return home. After 13 months, Ben returned and completed his mission pushing through OCD without full understanding of his mental illness. Ben shares several examples of how he coped with OCD—without having the tools (exposure response therapy)—to fully learn how to live with OCD. Ben, who has been married for over 7 years, talks about how he realized a couple of years ago that he needed to fully address his OCD (instead of pushing through) and how that led him on a path of understanding and healing. It’s a brave and remarkable story. And a beautiful love story with his dear wife Anny. If you feel you might have OCD and dealing with it by seeking reassurance, please listen to Ben’s story. It is ERP—not constant reassurance—that is the path to healing and moving forward. And if you are working to

This is a solo podcast for my younger unmarried LGBTQ Latter-day Saints friends—including a segment for transgender Latter-day Saints. This recaps the general principles and advice I give to younger unmarried LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. I hope and pray this is helpful. Much love, Richard Links mentioned in the podcast: Facebook Group to Minster to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Elder Rasband quote on doctine: https://www.thechurchnews.com/2021/9/1/23218781/elder-rasband-finding-answers-to-questions-california-institute-devotional Richard Ostler’s LGBTQ Book: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints and amazon.com/dp/1462135773 Free download of Chapter 7 about Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saint from Richard Ostler's LGBTQ book: https://www.dropbox.com/s/0tpa24d5exiabd5/Chapter%207%2C%20Ministering%20To%20LGBTQ%20Latter-Day%20Saints.pdf?dl=0

My friend Suzette Ward Halterman (relationship and couples coach specializing in LDS mixed-faith marriages) joins us to talk about how to keep marriages and families strong and together when different perspectives and beliefs enter the relationship. Suzette shares how those differences can be a good thing as it deepens emotional connection to create a better relationship. If you are in relationships which started out with sameness, but now have differences—please listen to this podcast. Suzette (who has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy) has tools to help you. And if you want to help others, please listen to this podcast. I learned much listening to Suzette and believe you will find nuggets in the podcast to help you. Thank you Suzette for being on the podast and your good work. You can find Suzette on Instagram @suzettehalterman and at suzettehaltermancoaching.com ** Please Check Out My New Book called "Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture" Chapter 10 is on M

My friend Shawn Moon (noted writer, business leader and community member) joins us to talk about his new book called Learning Leadership From the Scriptures: 12 Practices for Building Leadership Effectiveness Based on Timeless and Eternal Principles. The book is available at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Learning-Leadership-Scriptures-Effectiveness-Principles/dp/1462142931/ Shawn talks about how to apply principles of leadership in our personal life (chapters 5-8); in our family (chapters 9-12) and in our calling (chapters 13-16). Shawn also talks about how Jesus is the perfect leader. I encourage everyone to listen to this podcast and read his book. It will give you new insights into gospel principles to help you in your life and in your circle of influence.

My high school friend Mark “Mini” Morgan joins us to talk about his journey into and then out of addiction. Mark bravely shared his story in this June 8, 2022, Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/mark.morgan.5439/posts/pfbid02ToW5aoKvuKzohpyCMd2CJqhgd3jXWGGu11AmEGWFVJigTxmocEGLueZByd6FjjHil In this post Mark writes: “21 years ago, today my life was at rock bottom. Arrested for a second time with a whopping .62 cents to my name and homeless. Estrangement and despair come to mind. Divorce, heartbreak, disappointments, and darkness all seemed relevant back then. Today, I am a person in long term recovery.” Mark is now in a good place and works Valley Behavior Health as a licensed substance use disorder counselor. In his work, Mark is able to help others to recovery. If you are working to address and solve addiction, Mark’s story will help you. And if you are working to help others, perhaps Mark’s insights will be helpful. Thank you Mark for being on the podcast. You have my continued love,

My friend Jody England Hansen (married mother of three, active Latter-day Saint) shares her story growing up in family that valued critical thinking, activism, looking out for the most marginalized and moving forward with the complexities/beauties of being a Latter-day Saints. Jody also shares insights about her father, Eugene England, who was one of the most influential Latter-day Saints in our lifetime. Two biographies about Eugene England were published in 2021: Eugene England: A Mormon Liberal by Kristine Haglund: https://www.amazon.com/Eugene-England-Liberal-Introductions-Thought/dp/0252086007 Stretching the Heavens: The Life of Eugene England and the Crisis of Modern Mormonism by Terryl Givens: https://www.amazon.com/Stretching-Heavens-Eugene-England-Mormonism/dp/B09NMQ43M3/ You can read more about Eugene England and his work at https://www.eugeneengland.org/ If you are looking for tools to move forward as a Latter-day Saint with the dissonance/paradox that can be part of your journey, ple

My friends Tyler Lefevor, Cynthia and Paul Winward join us to share about and invite listeners to the church leader sessions at Affirmation’s International Conference (attend in-person or virtual). If you register, you view and discuss the church leader sessions later as each session is recorded. Here are links mentioned in the podcast: Affirmation conference overview: https://affirmation.org/events/55412/ Affirmation signup (free for church leaders): https://affirmation.org/event-registration/?eventid=55412 Tyler Lefevor church leader survey: https://usu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1ZhMEAFxcoHFvrE At Last She Said It Podcast: https://atlastshesaidit.org/ Thank you, Tyler, Cynthia, Paul and all involved in Affirmation to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints.

My friend David joins us to share his journey as a life-long Democrat. David isn’t on the podcast to recruit for new Democrats, but rather to help create space in our congregations for different political perspectives to be welcomed and valued. David, who has been on this road his whole life, has the long view for younger liberal Latter-day Saints looking for voices and their needed perspectives. David shares his own journey (including a commitment to civil rights for over 35 years and putting politics aside during his church service) and suggestions for younger Latter-day Saints in their sometimes-difficult journey about where we are as a Church on issues close to their hearts. If you are a politically liberal Latter-day Saint, David’s podcast will help you. If you are not a liberal Latter-day Saint, perhaps David’s podcast will also help you and give you added tools and insights to help create Zion—where we bring our differences together so our “hearts are knit together as one.” Thank you, Davi

My friend David Butler joins us to talk about the beautiful doctrine of our restored Church and how it applied to our lives. David also shares a gospel principles framework to manage the complexities of life’s questions. David also shares how our Heavenly Father will always be there to help and support us and the role of Jesus in our lives. If you are looking for a steady gospel voice to give you hope, perspective and more tools to make you way forward as a Latter-day Saint please listen to this episode. And if you want more tools to help others, David’s insights will help you. And please check out David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman’s Come Follow Me YouTube/Podcast called “Don’t Miss This” at dontmissthisstudy.com. And please follow David on Instagram @mrdavebutter for inspirational and hopeful messages. Thank you, Dave, for your needed and wonderful work in our Latter-day Saint community. You are blessing many lives!

My friend Preston Jenkins (who was on Episode 237) joins us to talk about his new book, “This Boy and His Mother: Healing from Trauma as a Gay Latter-day Saint.” The book talks about how Preston found hope and healing through Christ after sexual and emotional abuse during his mission. The abuse resulted in PTSD and would be triggered by things related to The Church (such as reading scriptures). Preston talks about how he and his mother addressed, worked through, and solved this trauma with guiding help from the Godhead. If you have experienced church-generated pain and/or trauma, this book and podcast will help you. For Preston, this isn’t theoretical, but a real-life application of the doctrine of Christ and therapy to heal. Preston has a powerful understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to heal our hearts and souls and his story will help you. Preston is joined on the podcast with his new bride, Taryn (married January 2022). They talk about their beautiful and authentic love story, being open and ho

My friend Noah Walker (age 20, active LDS, college student) shares his story with OCD with a focus on some of the “taboo” subsets including harm OCD and pedophilic OCD. Noah talks about egosyntonic (line up with values) and egodystonic (don’t line up with values)—a critical difference in understanding these subsets. Noah also talks about this path to hope and healing—and how he pulled out of feeling suicidal. Noah also talks about Alma’s seed experiment and how this applies to his journey. Noah concludes with seeing God’s hand in the whole process. If you are working to understand and solve OCD, Noah’s podcast will help you. If you want better tools to help others, Noah’s story and insight will help you. Thank you, Noah, for sharing your story. It will help so many. You are a good man. You can find Noah on Instagram @noahwalker0315 ** Please Check Out My New Book (Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture; link below) which has a chapter on this subject ** Deseret Book:

My friend Dr. Matthew Wickman (BYU Professor of English and Founding Director, Emeritus, of the BYU Humanities Center) joins us to talk about his new book called “Life to the Whole Being, The Spiritual Memoir of a Literature Professor”. The great book (published by the BYU Maxwell Institute) is available at: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Whole-Being-Spiritual-Literature/dp/0842500618/ In the podcast, Dr. Wickman tells us why he wrote the book, who is hopes will read it and how he hopes it will help readers. If you are in a faith crisis, wondering where God is in the complexities of mortality, want to develop more faith and/or want better tools to help others, this book/podcast will help you. If you have loved ones no longer in the Church, this podcast will help you feel more peace. I was deeply moved during the podcast with Dr. Wickman’s wonderful insights and soft heart. I feel more peace and have more hope. Thank you, Matt, for being on the podcast and your great and needed work in our faith c