Relationship Dish

Ever have a relationship that's been going really well, only to have an old issue suddenly rear its head and make you wonder, "Wait… haven't we already dealt with this?" Iona and her husband Steve recently had one of those moments—and in this episode, Iona and Pam put their therapists' hats on and take a close look at what happened, what went wrong, and how they found their way back to each other. The disagreement started innocently enough: a garage sale, two lamps, a dog walk, and Steve taking a phone call from his dad while walking ten feet ahead of Iona. But that ten feet hit an old trigger, and before long, they were lobbing the "tennis ball" of an argument back and forth. For Iona, it was a chance to recognize that her tone wasn't what she wanted it to be—and also to recognize that her tone has gotten dramatically better over time. So how do we hold both truths at once? We can still fall into old patterns and acknowledge how much we've changed. Pam and Iona talk about why every relationship "blip" happen

SPOILER ALERT! This episode is all about The Invite, Olivia Wilde and Seth Rogen's new movie—and if you haven't seen it yet, you may want to watch it before listening. Iona and Pam are joined by licensed therapist Zach Brittle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio and author of the forthcoming book, Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes, for a lively, therapist-on-therapist dissection of the film's troubled couples. And wow, is it uncomfortable. All three therapists found themselves squirming as they watched Joe and Angela's marriage deteriorate on screen, because there's something painfully familiar about watching two people who are deeply unhappy—and who keep doing absolutely nothing to change it. Iona even turns the movie into a game: "What are all the things you can name that these couples are doing wrong?" From branching arguments into completely different fights, plowing through each other's boundaries, and dragging unresolved personal struggles into the marriage, the problems pile up fast. Although the movie fe

What happens when ADHD walks into a relationship? In this eye-opening episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona welcome Natalie Wiseman, a Vancouver- and Florida-based counsellor who specializes in working with couples affected by ADHD, to explore how this neurodevelopmental disorder can shape everything from household responsibilities to intimacy. Natalie explains why ADHD can be mistaken for laziness, carelessness, or a lack of commitment—and why understanding the difference between intent and impact is so important. They talk about time blindness, forgotten promises, unequal responsibilities, impulsivity, interruptions, defensiveness, and the frustrating parent-child dynamic that can develop when one partner chronically over-functions for the other. They also explore the ADHD "hyperfocus" that can make a new relationship feel intensely passionate in the beginning, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and why diagnosis can be such a game-changer. As Iona puts it, understanding ADHD can transform "Why are you doi

Ever wonder why a vacation can either bring a couple closer—or make them want to kill each other? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Iona and Pam explore what happens when you take a relationship out of its everyday environment and put it under the pressure of travel, logistics, limited escape routes, and way too much togetherness. Iona shares how a recent vacation with her husband Steve went better than any trip they've taken before—and why she believes it's a reflection of the work they've been doing in their marriage. She's become better at tolerating who Steve actually is rather than needing him to be different, while Steve has grown more proactive about initiating and planning. Their vacation became a kind of relationship litmus test: the things that work away from home are often the things you've been practicing at home all along. They also talk about the unique challenge of shifting between couple mode and co-parent mode, the push-pull between anxious and avoidant partners, and why travel leaves ver

Ever feel like the moment you start changing, the people around you push back? You're not imagining it. In this eye-opening episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona explore the concept of homeostasis—the predictable emotional balance every relationship and family system naturally tries to maintain, whether it's healthy or not. They unpack why even positive changes can feel threatening to those around us, how loved ones can unintentionally pull us back into familiar patterns, and why changing one person inevitably changes the entire relationship dynamic. Pam reflects on the "honeymoon homeostasis" in one of her marriages and why trying to preserve it ultimately created distance instead of connection, while Iona shares stories from her therapy practice that illustrate how easy it is for couples to dismiss each other's need for growth. Together, they discuss why every relationship must continually recalibrate as life evolves, and how resisting change can quietly erode communication and intimacy. They also

What happens to a marriage when your child is struggling with addiction? In this powerful and deeply moving episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona welcome author Elana Epstein to share how she and her husband of 32 years navigated while trying to help their son through addiction and recovery. Elana opens up about the early warning signs she sensed, the temptation to protect both her son and her husband by keeping secrets, and how quickly a family crisis can create distance between partners. She explains how children struggling with addiction may play parents against each other, and why presenting a united front became one of the most important protective factors in their family. Together, they explore the tension between compassion and consequences, the role of attachment styles in parenting decisions, and the humbling realization that the best path often lies somewhere between "too soft" and "too hard." Elana also shares how recovery work transformed her own people-pleasing patterns and ultimately streng

Is everyone who hurts you a narcissist? In this fascinating episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona welcome licensed therapist and author Carla Litto—whom Iona affectionately calls "the anti-narcissist extraordinaire"—to separate internet myths from clinical reality. (CLICK HERE to order her book, Outsmarting Egomaniacs!) Carla explains the difference between everyday narcissistic traits and true narcissistic personality disorder, why the term narcissist has exploded in popular culture, and how labeling someone can sometimes distract us from examining our own patterns in relationships. Drawing on decades of experience working with survivors of narcissistic abuse, Carla shares why she focuses her practice on empowering the victim—not changing the narcissist. She discusses how learning to set firm, non-combative boundaries often transforms not only the relationship, but also how clients see themselves and their partners. In many cases, once people find their voice, they discover they no longer want to stay.

What if your feelings weren't a problem to solve, but a signal to pay attention to? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona explore boundary-setting through a lens that many people miss: your body's own warning system. They discuss how anxiety, irritability, sadness, overwhelm, numbness, and even physical sensations can be clues that you're moving outside your window of tolerance—and that a boundary may be needed. Pam shares how years of suppressing her feelings in marriage eventually led to eruptions of anger, while Iona tells the story of a man who spent so long ignoring his own needs that his body finally shut down altogether. Together, they unpack why so many of us—especially women—have been taught that setting boundaries is selfish, controlling, or unkind, when in reality the opposite is often true. They also explore the importance of "clean boundaries": holding firm when others push back, recognizing that boundaries can be both kind and direct, and learning to respect your own limits as much

How quickly do you turn someone into a one-dimensional version of themselves? In this deeply personal episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack a real interaction between the two of them—one where judgment, assumptions, and anxiety quietly shaped the way they saw each other, until vulnerability changed everything. They explore why we often flatten people into simple stories when mixed feelings feel too uncomfortable, and why learning to hold contradictory emotions—love and anger, closeness and disappointment—is essential for healthy relationships. Pam and Iona discuss how easily we can begin assigning the least generous interpretation to someone's behavior, how anxiety often disguises feelings we're afraid to express, and why vulnerability may be much simpler than we think. Sometimes, it's just naming the feeling. Along the way, Pam opens up about how these patterns played out in her marriage, uncovering—in real time—the complicated mix of sadness, love, resentment, and grief that still exist

When you hear the word intimacy, do you automatically think of sex? In this eye-opening episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona challenge the narrow way most of us define intimacy and explore the many other ways we truly connect with other people. They unpack the six different types of intimacy—sexual, emotional, intellectual, social, physical, and spiritual—and why great relationships need more than just chemistry to survive. In fact, they argue, the other forms of intimacy are what actually fuel good sex in the first place. Pam reflects on the deep emotional intimacy she's shared with close friends over the years—the crying, arguing, laughing, and vulnerability that create real closeness—and admits that she still struggles at times to fully let people in. Together, she and Iona explore the importance of reciprocity, shared interests, emotional openness, and feeling genuinely connected in everyday life. Intimacy isn't just about being physically close; it's about being truly known. Thoughts? Questions? To

After years behind the mic, Pam and Iona reflect on how Relationship Dish has evolved from research-heavy conversations to something more lived-in, intuitive, and real. And in this episode, they take that evolution even deeper with a powerful question: Who are you, underneath it all? Many people come to therapy focused on symptoms like anxiety, depression, and conflict, but beneath those layers lies something quieter and more essential: the true self. Pam and Iona explore how core feelings act as a gateway to that authentic place where your curiosity, joy, and aliveness are. Pam shares the moments when she feels most like herself—fully present, playful, and free—whether she's with her grandkids or walking through the stillness of her family farm. Iona opens up about how anxiety once felt safer than authenticity in her family system, and how daily practices like gratitude have helped her reconnect with the hopeful, vibrant parts of who she really is. Together, they unpack the tension between attachment and aut

Think avoiding conflict is the key to a happy relationship? Think again. In this powerful episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack why real intimacy isn't built by keeping the peace—it's built by risking it. They explore how sexual intimacy alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship, and why deeper connection requires emotional vulnerability, honesty, and a willingness to rock the boat. Pam shares how conflict avoidance shaped her marriage—including a moment she literally checked into a hotel to escape a fight—while Iona opens up about the risks she's taken in her own relationship that ultimately led to more trust and passion. Together, they dive into how to fight well: why losing your cool costs you credibility, how repair creates deeper bonding, and how to invite your partner into hard conversations without triggering defensiveness. They also challenge the myth that "if it's right, it should be easy"—and why that belief keeps so many couples disconnected. If you want real intimacy, you don't have

Where do our expectations in relationships actually come from—and when do they start working against us? In this revealing episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack the difference between healthy needs and unrealistic expectations—and how unmet (or even met) childhood experiences can quietly shape both. They explore how what we didn't receive growing up can turn into deep longings—or even angry demands—in our adult relationships. Pam shares how mismatched expectations around time, energy, and reciprocity have led her to pull back from friendships, while Iona reflects on how differing needs for connection and space showed up early in their own relationship—and how naming those needs created something surprisingly healing between them. Together, they dive into expectations around affection, communication, and roles in partnership, and why every relationship needs its own "rules of engagement" to thrive. Because the goal isn't to have no expectations—it's to have the right ones, clearly expressed and roo

Can people actually change, or do we eventually have to learn how to live with what is? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona let listeners in on their behind-the-scenes process of choosing a topic—then land on one that hits close to home. Pam opens up about her ongoing struggle to set boundaries with people she loves, and how making slow, incremental changes feels essential before she can fully open herself to a new relationship. Iona, on the other hand, explores a different kind of growth: accepting long-standing patterns in her marriage—like her husband's lack of initiative and tendency to get distracted—and learning how to tolerate those realities without losing herself. What follows is an intimate mini-therapy session, as Pam gently guides Iona through what happens in her body when she feels triggered, and they unpack the difference between "won't" and "can't," why appreciating the 90% matters, and how grieving unmet hopes can lead to real peace. Sometimes change isn't about fixing everythin

What does it look like when couples therapy actually works? In this special episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona are joined by Dr. Rotem Regev, a certified Emotionally Focused Therapist, to share real stories of couples who did the work—and found their way back to trust, connection, and understanding. Together, they explore the deeper question underneath most relationship conflicts. Whether couples come in fighting about money, parenting, or in-laws, the core issue is almost always the same: Are you there for me? Can I trust you? Are you emotionally accessible when I need you? Dr. Regev breaks down why personal accountability is essential to change, how even small shifts in one partner can transform the entire relationship system, and why curiosity and flexibility matter more than being "right." They also discuss why couples who avoid conflict often drift apart—and why fighting, when done with care, can actually bring people closer. Relationships heal not through perfection, but through compassion, move

"Narcissist" has become a buzzword—and that can get messy fast. In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona aren't diagnosing anyone… but they are digging into narcissistic traits and how they show up in real relationships, from subtle emotional neglect to full-blown "nothing is ever my fault" dynamics. Iona shares from personal experience—and her graduate school research—about growing up in a covertly narcissistic family system, where self-absorption, emotional abuse, and unmet needs shaped the blueprint for love. Pam opens up about her first relationship with someone who was thin-skinned, validation-hungry, and unable to take responsibility—someone who needed to be right, admired, and centered at all costs. Together, they explore how people raised in narcissistic family systems often try to fulfill the unmet needs of their childhoods through a partner—and sometimes end up treating that partner exactly the way they were treated growing up. They also unpack the "passion trap": how the intensity of a na

Is it the big stuff that wears down relationships or the tiny, everyday annoyances? In this fun, honest episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona dish about relationship pet peeves, from minor irritations to major triggers—and even guess what their partners would say drives them crazy. Pam shares her frustrations "yes, but" responses, reckless driving, and the ever-controversial topic of lying (is a "white lie" ever okay?) Iona opens up about interruptions, feeling unseen at social events, being held to an impossible standard because she's a therapist, and why "ten minutes" rarely means ten minutes. Along the way, they explore how unspoken resentment builds when we're afraid to express anger, why anger doesn't have to mean yelling, and how emotional maturity often sounds like a simple sentence: "I don't like that—here's what I'd prefer." At the end of the day, healthy relationships aren't about having no pet peeves; they're about taking responsibility for what you need, what you want, and how you ask for it.

What does it really mean to be emotionally mature—and why is it so damn hard sometimes? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona dive deep into the difference between having big feelings and acting on them. They unpack how emotional maturity isn't something you automatically get with age; it's something you build through awareness, accountability, and a refusal to keep blaming others for your unhappiness. Iona admits her parents weren't exactly models of maturity, and shares a story about a couple she couldn't help in therapy because they kept reenacting their emotional immaturity right there in session. Pam and Iona also explore how our "freeze" points often trace back to childhood wounds, and why self-righteousness, control, and blame are the biggest traps keeping us stuck. True emotional maturity means accepting life's hard truths, regulating your own reactions, and remembering that the only thing you can truly change… is you.

Ever long for a deep, loving relationship—then find yourself backing away the moment it gets real? In this relatable episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack the quiet ambivalence that makes so many of us crave intimacy while unconsciously resisting it. Pam gets candid about her own fears of losing herself in love—how past experiences and a "one-red-flag rule" have kept her from getting too close. Iona shares the story of a client who says he wants a family but keeps choosing unavailable partners. Together, they explore how early wounds teach us to hide, shrink, or settle—and how healing begins when we stop confusing safety with avoidance. Because we can't be truly loved until we let ourselves be truly seen.

Gratitude sounds simple, but for many of us, it's complicated. In this deeply honest episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona explore how early emotional wounds can make it hard to feel gratitude, joy, or even trust the good in our lives. Iona opens up about how her father's emotional unpredictability made her wary of happiness itself—how gratitude once felt unsafe, even dangerous. Over time, a daily gratitude and meditation practice helped her dismantle those defenses and finally let the light in. Pam shares how her own mother created similar barriers, and how she now finds genuine gratitude in small, grounded moments—through nature, interior design, and quiet acts of care. Together, they examine how gratitude can heal old pain, but also how it can morph into toxic positivity when we use it to deny what's real. Because true gratitude isn't about forcing joy—it's about feeling safe enough to receive it.