Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, And Kink With Dawn Serra

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Body trust, queer identity, pleasure in a fat body, and losing attraction for a partner with Sarah Thompson In a few days, I head to Portland for the ASDAH (Association for Size Diversity and Health) conference which will happen over my birthday weekend. The next few weeks will be all about body trust, rejecting diet culture, research around health at every size, celebration, and fat acceptance. I could not be more tickled, especially because this week Sarah Thompson, the Resilient Fat Goddess, is joining us to talk about how everything changed for Sarah - access to pleasure, setting boundaries, shifting into new queer and non-binary identities - after doing body trust work with BeNourished. Sarah and I ini

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson I am so excited by this week's chat with Andy Izenson. I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation. After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about: -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxie

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. A passionate lover. Body trust. Trans sex woes. Self-harm scars. Hello from Portland! I am here for BeNourished's Reclaiming Body Trust Intensive and it is hitting me hard. I'm still processing so much, and while I talk about the experience a bit this week on the show, I have some REALLY JUICY TIDBITS about trauma, bodies, trust, and healing in the Patreon bonus for the week. If you support the show at $3 and above, you get access to this truly special bonus and all the other bonuses, too. Check it out. A huge thank you to the two generous sponsors of this week's episode: TomboyX is gender-neutral, size-inclusive, eco-friendly undies and listeners get 15% off! How? Head to tomboyx.com/sexgetsreal and then use code SEXGETSREAL at check-out for 15% off. THIS COMPANY IS JOY. More please. Sugar Bear Hair is a delicious hair

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. Intersex-inclusive language. Resentment in relationships. Questions from YOU! I am loving answering your questions this summer, and I'm so glad I'm getting a chance to get caught up on the backlog. Resentment is something that comes up a lot in my coaching practice. People tend to harbor all kinds of resentment without realizing it. A friend recently posted that whenever she feels resentment come up she asks herself, what aren't you saying?  And it's true - resentment breeds in the spaces where we silence ourselves, where are aren't witnessed and understood or heard and validated. When you're tolerating something, it's the launching pad for resentment. As soon as we stop being generous towards the people in our life, as soon as the little things they've always done start to irritate us or we get passive aggressive, rese

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. Tender masculinity, condom expirations, and your questions answered. I recently came across an article called "In Praise of Tender Masculinity, the New Non-Toxic Way to Be a Man" by terra loire. You know I adore examining the ways gender show up in pop culture and the stories it teaches all of us about how to live our lives - who is failing and who is succeeding. I really love this language around tender masculinity. So, I share a few tidbits from the article, talk about cultural expectations of toxic masculinity, and invite YOU to share with me other examples of tender masculinity similar to Samwise Gamgee, Rumus Lupin

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Nadine is saving comprehensive sex ed Ontario Canada recently elected a conservative leader named Doug Ford. One of his campaign promises is to roll back the comprehensive sex education program for Ontario schools. Nadine refuses to let that happen, so she decided to do something about it. Check out her Go Fund Me campaign and donate here. We talk all about what's in the comprehensive sex ed program and why life-long sex and relationship education is so crucial. What scares people and why do people want to roll it back? We also talk about why it's important for kids to see adults mess up and do things awkwardly, plus we answer an amazing listener question from Kip about teaching her brother about sex when t

Heard about it on the show? The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here. Your questions. Answered. Katie has a new fat fling. She really likes him, but he talks about diets and weight loss a lot. She's been learning about diet culture, health at every size, and fact activism, so she needs help on how to set some boundaries with him to prevent discussions about the very things she's trying to overcome. Loving Husband has lost his sex drive. On top of that, his wife only wants sex in the missionary position, and he feels so bored and uninspired by the sex they do have. Could that have an impact on his sex drive? And how can he talk to his wife about making things more interesting? A listener from a previous episode was very angry with my response and sent several angry, pissy emails to me as a result. So I take a few minutes to talk about my process and how grateful I am for the generosity and kindness most of you extend to me. Jake's girlfriend thinks masturbation and porn constitute cheating. But Ja

Guess what? I'm still in China. Because if you're going to travel halfway around the world, you want to stay a bit. Here is a yummy Pride-related replay of my fantastic chat with Riley J Dennis. Riley J Dennis is someone I’ve been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate. We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it’s like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley’s sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It’s super fun and I can’t wait for you to

I'm in China on vacation, so this week we are replaying a popular episode from the past. This one is Lola Davina on thriving in sex work since it was International Whores' Day on June 2nd. How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them?  Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, “Thriving in Sex Work,” is like a big sister’s guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker.  We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.  It’s fascinating and practical. It’s one of my favorite chats, and I think you’ll hear why.   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.   Resou

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is releasing soon. Grab your spot today.  What if honesty isn't the best policy for rebuilding trust? Shadeen Francis recently spoke at Explore More Summit, and her talk was one of the fan favorites for the entire conference. Her formula for trust challenged many and offered new language and feelings of YES! That's it! So, in this episode, Shadeen shares all about how she became a therapist, why sex is crucial for our well-being, how Shadeen's relationship with self feeds her erotic experiences and how it ties to the work she does, and then we dive into relationships. We talk about trust, the difference between honesty and transparency, negotiating boundaries, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and then we field a listener question from Lost Lonnie who is w

Three links to get you started: Ready to pre-order my boundaries workshop? Check out details for "Take Up Space: A Workshop on Boundaries, Self-Worth, & Strengthening Your Relationship With Self" Want free feminist porn? Enter this week's giveaway here. Deadline is Saturday, May 27th. The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here. Your questions. Answered. Bug has a funny sex toy story and wanted to share it. Beware of Pop My Cherry, folks. Regis looked up the definition of orgasm and it includes anal contractions. Regis' ex did it when she came, but their current partner's ass doesn't visibly spasm. Aren't they orgasming? Isn't this a tell-tale sign? NO. It is not. Find out why. Also, be sure to check out Emily Nagoski's new TED talk (on the big stage!) all about why body cues might not be the best way to tell what's going on with a partner. Christina's husband only gives her sex once per week. She is over it. What can she do? Why won't he fuck her but then why does he tease her with kisses and

Dreaming of quitting your day job to start your own business? Join the free virtual training, True Freedom Symposium: The When, What, Why, and How to Quit Your Day Job and What's Really On The Other Side, starting May 14th. It's free, online, and I'm a speaker alongside Modern Family's Ed O'Neill, Dinner and a Movie's Paul Gilmartin and the amazing Pam Slim of "Escape From Cubicle Nation." Sign up here. Your questions. Answered. Ana just started graduate school. She's working on becoming a sex educator, and needs a side hustle to make more money. She was thinking about a sex toy party business, but wants to find a company that is ethical and offers body safe products. Any recommendations? Anonymous wants his wife to have more sexual pleasure, but she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like oral, and he bought her a vibrator that he wants her to use. How can he introduce it to her? To which I say, WHHOOOOAAA. You're putting the cart before the horse on this one. Here's where he should really start. Sam wrote in s

Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com. It's time for more listener questions. You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions. Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do? Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus.  Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries?  Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, espec

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 is happening now. It ends May 2nd, so grab your all-access pass for free before it's too late. exploremoresummit.com. What is changing in the wake of the #MeToo movement? How do we talk about sex and power? Amy Jo Goddard is joining me this week to talk about BIG things. Amy Jo is a powerhouse of change, fierce and uncompromising in her commitment to sexual liberation and social change. I've been working with her on her Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - which is a free online conference all about liberation, social change, pleasure, and the world in a post #MeToo movement. It. Is. So. Fucking. Good. So, this episode is us geeking out about sexual liberation, tolerating touch in relationships, the importance of pleasure activism if we want to experience real change, the Bill Cosby verdict, what transformative and patient-centered gynecology can look like, and holy shit - so much more. If you want to sign-up for the conference, it's all happening April 30th - May 7th.

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 starts in just a few hours and runs for the next 10 days. It's free and online. Grab your ticket now at exploremoresummit.com. What if we could not only write ourselves whole after trauma, but write our way into the erotic and desire? This week, Jen Cross, author of "Writing Ourselves Whole: Using the Power of Your Own Creativity to Recover and Heal from Sexual Trauma," is here to talk about healing and the power of the page. Let's start with the giveaway! Jen generously provided me with a signed copy of her book to offer as part of a giveaway to SGR listeners. If you'd like to put your name in the running, there's a handy-dandy entry form here. Jen and I talk about trauma and the ways it can impact us, plus the power of writing and storytelling to move beyond our trauma. There is something extremely meaningful in sitting in a group of people who understand the ways we move through the world and having that witnessed and held. We also talked about the importance of the pe

Eager to sign-up for this year’s Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. It's your questions this week, folks, and there are so many amazing ones to get to. KiltmanFL wrote in about AC's question in episode 203 wanting kink classes in Florida. Kiltman has some great resources for all you Florida listeners. Bee wrote in with a long thank you note, but basically Bee was inspired to have some really scary conversations with her partner and now some much-needed changes are happening in her relationship. Yay for courageous conversations. A listener wrote in with a subject line of Virgin. You know I love these. This listener doesn't want to have sex until marriage but her girlfriend wants to have sex before marriage to make sure it's a good fit. How can she talk about sex when she's had zero experience? Among other suggestions, I also recommend Allison Moon's, "Girl Sex 101", Barbara Carrellas' "Ecstasy is Necessary" and "Urban Tantra." Jon & Mand

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. What is intersectional sex ed? What does sexual liberation look like? This week, I'm joined by Roan Coughtry, a super rad sex educator who believes in having big conversations about how our pleasure and our bodies are impacted by the larger systems of our culture. We talk about Roan's beautiful personal statement for Trans Day of Visibility and how Roan started finding language for their gender and identity. We also explore what it means to be masculine and femme. Then, we roll around in intersectional sex education and what it brings to the table beyond comprehensive sex ed. Because we all know whatever's being taught now isn't working. And, sexual liberation - what does that mean to Roan? What can we imagine beyond where we are? Would consent even be a conversation we needed to have if we were all free? We also geek out about queer trans love stories and the ways queer tr

Are you joining us for the 3rd annual Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23, 2018 and it's free and online. Grab your spot now at exploremoresummit.com. We did it. We did a live recording of the show with about a dozen of you joining in the fun. So, this is your chance to not only hear me fielding questions live, on the spot, but you'll also hear other people's thoughts and perspectives, too. I had a blast and I hope we do it again soon. So what did we chat about? DL has found that pleasure, sex, and embodiment aren't really talked about in the context of sobriety. How do they regain sensation? Why isn't anyone talking about this? On the call, I offered a few resources for DL, but afterwards, I reached out to my networks and asked for more. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep207 for the full list of recommendations. Emily has trouble with her body and specifically her belly. How can she heal that relationship because it's impacting how she experiences sex with her boyfriend. Another participant asked how we can g

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. Are you a witch, a slut, or a feminist? Then this episode is for you because Slutist founder Kristen J. Sollée is here to chat with me, Dawn Serra, about her new book by ThreeL Media, "Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive." I'm not sure how much I've talked about it on the show, but I spent several years in my early twenties in a very close-knit witches coven. We met weekly, we did rituals for self-growth and world peace, and it was one of the most profound times of healing in my life. So, this book delighted the witch-of-old in me and the sex geek of now. I mean, you have to hear what "flying on a broomstick" really meant. It involves dildos. When we think about people who have been cast as witches or sluts throughout the ages, like midwives and sex workers, we see people who had power and knowledge that often men didn’t have. Kristen and I have so many th

LAST CHANCE to grab your seat for the online, live taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here. It happens on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific, so this is your last chance. This week Dawn Serra is chatting with author Juniper Fitzgerald and artist Elise Peterson who created the book, "How Mamas Love Their Babies" - published by Feminist Press. The book is the first children's book to feature a sex worker and it's brilliant. So, Juniper, Elise, and Dawn talk about sex working mothers, the realities of being a new mom, why this book is so important, and what they learned along the way. Sex work should not be stigmatized and you are not a better feminist for not consuming sex work. Let's talk about why. Want to hear the funny bonus chat about Juniper and Elise's favorite memories from sex work? Well, pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast This episode is brought to you by HIMS. HI